| Introducing... |
| THE AMAZING SKOKIE GHERKINS!!! |
| "There's no gherkin quite like a Skokie gherkin." |
| Al Allerton, Official Random Celebrity of Sassafras County, Missouri |
| Just like Al Allerton, we're pretty sure there's no gherkin quite like a Skokie gherkin. And here in Sassafras County, we believe that only the finest gherkins should be consumed. |
| But what makes Skokie gherkins so good? |
| Is it the fact that a single Skokie gherkin has all the vitamins and nutrients that an amoeba needs to survive for thirteen minutes? |
| Or could it be that a single application of Essence of Skokie Gherkin is enough to keep your kitchen floor clean for seven seconds? |
| Maybe it's even simpler. Maybe it's just that Skokie gherkins happen to be the finest gherkins money can buy. |
| SKOKIE GHERKINS. THEY'RE JUST DARNED GOOD. |
| This advertisement was paid for by the Sassafras County, Missouri Chamber of Commerce, proud proprietors of the Skokie Gherkins (TM) Gherkin Factory. The mention of the wild giraffe is purely figurative; no giraffes were fed Skokie gherkins during the making of this advertisement. Neither Skokie gherkins nor the Skokie Gherkin (TM) Gherkin Factory has any association, real or imaginary, with Philip Skokie, Henry Skokie, or any relative of the Skokie family living in Sassafras County, Missouri. Skokie Gherkins also have no affiliation with Skokie, Illinois. Look, it's just a name, people--can you please stop suing us for using it? We'd really appreciate it. And if you've read this whole advertisement then we have certain recommendations about better ways to spend your free time. |
| Whether it's the gang at the Crisis Lookout Tower, the Professional Litterers, or our very own wild giraffe, everyone in Sassafras County just loves a good Skokie gherkin now and then! |
| Guess it's true what they say... |