| The History of Sassafras County, Missouri |
| When the Civil War[s] ended, the newly renamed Sassafras County embarked upon its future, which looked far brighter than its present largely due to the prevalence of electricity in the twentieth century. Nothing especially interesting happened, until the late twentieth century, when the residents of Sassafras County were rather puzzled to find several stories in their midst. The stories seemed to have no interest in explaining what it was they were doing showing up in the county. But they didn't seem to be doing much harm, either, so the residents of Sassafras County, being upstanding folk, generally accepted the stories' presence. In fact, county residents increasingly began to try to build a close relationship to the newcomers, forming the Sassafras County Literary Society, the Sassafras County Storybook Hour, the Sassafras County Readers Club, and the Sassafras County Professional Litterers Association. The only one of these organizations to survive was the Professional Litterers, where stories and other county residents would get together twice a week and litter on the public highways until either someone complained or they got tired, whichever came first. Eventually, however, the stories decided to open the county to the public. Which is where you come in. Today Sassafras County employs not only a poet laureate, whose court case we have the highest hopes about, but also has the only fully staffed Crisis Lookout Station in all of Missouri, and is usually the first county in the state to know when something somewhere is happening. Unfortunately, relatively little happens, so the Sassafras County Crisis Lookout office is generally used as a lunchroom for the children at Sassafras County Elementary School, as well as the headquarters for the Rodney Rodney Memorial Society and the Sassafras County Professional Litterers Association. The county is also notable for having the only ferile giraffe in all of Missouri. The giraffe is notable for being the most puzzled creature in the entire state. And the state is notable for having the most puzzled giraffe in the country. Life, in short, goes on. So do histories, sometimes, until someone gets tired and decides to end them. |
| Part Four. Those Indefatigable Modern Times [Yes, We DO Happen To Know What That One Means] |
| Click your mouse on the giraffe and say "There's No Place Like Home." Unless you'd rather go somewhere else. Frankly, we wouldn't blame you in the least. We're somewhere else right now--trust us. |
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