Darkness... black of night, sun not risen. I see nothing except the random bit of light in the window, shining in. Around me, unconscious shapes of mass, preparing for what lies ahead. A rogue never sleeps, and how could I? But I am not alone. Upon my lap lies another, a female, like the others, yet not. Seeking comfort in me, relying in me. Body still, yet not motionless. Breathing, life in this person, a soul encased in flesh. Meant to see the world from a side I�ll never see. This loneliness, emptiness that I�ve confided and relied in myself for these years seems filled now, the circle complete. As I gaze upon her my problems seem insignificant, only the moment is important. I dare not move, I breath in air as she and exhale as she, my hand upon her shoulder in comfort, moving would disturb her, ruin this moment, this bliss of comfort and solace. Love, friend or more I know not, care not, for this moment is perfect. I try to sleep, but the sight is too great. A strange feeling in my lips, at the corners of my mouth, a twitching, a smile? Odd that something so simple as another being could create this. A tear, simple enough, is it my eyes growing weary or is it the thought of this moment ending? The motion ends, the journey done. My charge arises, not knowing of the thoughts and visions I see, does it matter, why does this moment have to end, will there be another? I ask, and told it is so, for all journeys must be returned from.
The sun rises and on my mind is that affirmation, that I will find this comfort again. Though I be not with her, it matters not, I go about my things as normal and though I see her, she knows not. She knows not my pain of loneliness I�ve gone through, my dark hole I climb to for comfort, to save myself from injury, as I watch the world go by. But what need have I for this hole? None, for she will need me, someone needing me, that�s what it is, someone needing me, and not me needing myself. Day is promising; promising that night will bring me comfort.
Darkness falls and I depart from my journey, a joy fills my heart. When I take my seat however, I am greatly disappointed, she who was to be with me is with another, relying on him, and while I am not angry, nor mad, I am in fact alone. That hole I�d left now my only shelter, it hurts only slightly, but suddenly I grow tired, the weights of my problems, my thoughts that I�d not had to worry about suddenly bombard from the rear. A rogue should be prepared for such, for all trust is foolish. Except trust in yourself. A shade covers me, I draw to myself and nothing matters. I become one with the shadow, scorning the light for revealing my presence. As the time passes I care not, the rage building, rage not at others, but at myself, for letting my guard down, letting others get too close, then getting hurt, for it is no one�s fault but mine, it�s human nature. For it wasn�t but a year ago that similar happened, and I was hurt, a bleeding wound that has barely begun to scab over. Who knows, maybe I�m mistaken, who knows, but from the shadows I watch, maybe one day the sun won�t burn my skin... maybe... one day.
by B.F.
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