Undone

All the words I have ever read,
all the thoughts I have ever said,
all the tears I have ever buried,
all the smiles I have ever faked,
there has been a thirst unquenched,
questions unanswered,
a restless desire.
Through turmoil, under veils of calm,
anguish crying behind the pretense of bliss.

I have wandered dwelled all around,
I thought I knew,
I felt I could happen,
I believed I mattered.
In the face of reality,
an ever ambivalent starnger,
I decided, I gambled, I lost,
on my own, for myself,
I lost.