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If ever I could tear my covers, and expose to you my bare heart,
If ever I could shatter these pretenses,
If ever I could wash away these faked smiles, the pastel hues,
If ever through these sweet songs you could hear my cries.
.
Calling _ calling ever for help,
Whispering ever in grief,
Wording ever the anguish.
If ever through a thousand light years,
I could reflect onto your thoughts,
The shadows of my hopes and dreams.
.
All bleak all darkened,
All the words I have never said,
All the thoughts I have never spoken,
All the tears I have never cried.
.
If you could hear,
If you could see,
If you could feel,
All the anguish none has ever felt.
.
From the graves of my life,
Till me flying up light in the skies.
From the burnt heavens,
Till the ascend of another dream arch.
From the demise of innocence, 
Till the genesis of justification.
From never to forever,
From me to myself.
.
If ever ___ if ever could you see,
If ever could you realize,
The agony of unwanted breaths and beats,
Buried under the veils of my survival.
.
If ever ___ if ever,
In a never ever world,
If ever by the 'no way' chance,
If ever ___ if ever I wish,
If ever I believe,
If ever you could,
.
But never you would,
And yet never you would.

  
1999
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