Cannot smile
  
I cannot smile . . .
.
I cannot smile, I cannot cry,
trapped in myself I am lost inside,
My dreams shattered, my hopes drowned,
I seek escape to an alien ground,
Another day, another night,
the same agony but a different plight,
Run and run and backwards I am moving,
it is my own being from whom I am running.
No woes, no regrets,
No foes, no friends,
just strangers I have moving around,
and all I hear is my own silent sound,
More silence I seek and rythym I get,
More darkness I want and more lights beget.
I close my eyes and seal my ears,
but still there is no peace my peers.
The calm and peace is long gone,
to a land from where there is no return.
and yet my insanity makes me search,
search for what exists here not.
Now how do I expect all this to end,
when the anguish of it is my only friend.
To abandon my being is what I can do not,
And for it to depart there is no second thought,
So the more I live the more I die,
tears bite into my eyes but I cannot cry.
No use it is to hope or try,
yet I feel myself doing so why?
Again come the lonely questions,
the questions for which are born no answers.
To continue means to shun for sins undone,
but then some imaginations are born to run.
I will wander and dwell and again return,
in vain searching for the black sun.
Crazy I sound and may be I am,
but i will never give up upon being unborn.

  
1998
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