(3:10 am, 22 Oct 2003)

I sit still staring into nothingness
watching moments fade away into the past
as the warmth of breaths disappears
in the fog of cold winter nights
or as smoke emerges from within
taking away with it
the deepest of emotions and thoughts
I try to move
bring to life deadened nerves
but I feel I have lost the strength
or may be the courage to dare
may be passivity of thought is worse
than physical numbness
In darkness despair runs deeper
within the soul
than wounds inflicted by silence
I think again about tomorrow
straining to hold faith
in what could be
but somehow
what could not be
seems more evident
Letting lose was easier
but quitting forever has its burdens
burdens that my conviction
fails to carry
with the passage of time
I cherish the times
when nostalgia offered fleeting refuge
when the idea of nothingness
offered a haven
but as reality crawls over my scars
I feel my anguish revived
Forgetting could be a possibility
but my mind fails to govern
the transgression of my thoughts
and my will too weakened
to survive a revival

may be tomorrow is just a dream
and sacred dreams must
always be shattered
like idols we crave
from the depths of our hearts
and break helplessly
only to discover
the transience of our desires
and the caprice
of our discontented spirits.