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| 10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty 1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again. 69 I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, �No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.� A Real Ball Buster "Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!� A Shave and a Shine A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you." Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out! What's the definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex. Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom? They'll never see you coming. What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? S&M&M. What does Kodak film have in common with condoms? Both capture the moment. Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary! Why is being in the military like a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each other's shoulders? A scrotum pole! What's the ultimate in rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Why don't debutantes go to orgies? There'd be too many thank-you notes to write. What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot? ''How come?'' What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? Two Mennonite! Why is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner. Can you say three two-letter words that denote small? Is it in? What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One... Men will screw anything. |
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