withUK HIP HOP NEWS
with
DJ Crap Picture
Well, it's a new year and all of that, so what better than to catch up on all the rap rumours and hip hop heresay??
MC DUKE TO BE SACRIFICED.
Apparently, the geezer in the stupid togs on the cover of Dukes "Organized Rhyme" LP is actually an expensive stunt double. Arthur Moptop claims to have been hired after Duke didn't wish to look like some king of upper class MC on the record cover. It is said that Duke also refused his comlimentary cup of coffee whilst in the shop that hired him the tweed get-up, instead he proceeded to draw an imaginary Excaliber whilst shouting "I'm gonna kill a friend!" (obviously no-one got scared at this remark and went about thier business musing over why they really thought rappers were daft). Despite Dukes claims of rufness etc, we get the distinct impression that deep down Duke is actually afraid to fully "Represent", possibly due to his upbringing and his father telling him to "Run like the wind boy" whenever someone actually a bit rough came near him. For this reason, Arthur, who, by the way, is a top Satanist, has decided that Mr MC Duke should be ritually sacrificed. The Final Conflict? We'll see......
HIJACK TO ATTEMPT ROUND THE WORLD B-BOY SAILING RECORD
This has just gotten to me from my man Captain Haddock. It appears that our fearless hardcore heroes of 1990 have got a brand new bag of tricks. The Captain informs me that he was tending to his vessel in the marina at Conwy, North Wales, when 6 guy's in fancy dress approached him. "Well, there was a chap that looked like one of them ninja things, sword an' all. The others was all dressed as bank robbers so they were, balaclava's and that. The only reason I knew it was the Hijack lads is because they still had on those blue Berghaus parkers with the red hood....except the ninja....he had a porkpie hat on, or something". K-Sly tried to haggle the price of a boat for 18 months with Captain Haddock, 76. When told that there was no vessel up to a hip hop voyage, Mr Sly became agitated, shouting things like "Pow, Automatic, Feel the panic", "Kiss my Emerald" and "I appear, disappear, re-appear, where, on the chandelier" until the Captain reluctantly agreed to loan them a boat. He saw them set sail at dawn on a cold, misty morning, turntables and mic set up on the bridge, K-Sly barking stuff loudly and watched HIJACK set off on thier record conquest. Still, gets 'em out of our hair for a bit doesn't it.....
NICE AND SMOOTH IN LUBRICANT TRIAL.
Yes, it is true. Nice and Smooth are suing sexual lubricant leviathan "KY" for theft of creative description. Should the boys be successful, it could spell the end of KY as we know it, as the only alternative is a "Crunchy" option and this would defeat the object of a lubricant. If KY did go this route, we could then see Peanut Butter Wolf flexing his breakbeat muscle and suing too. Looks like KY is right up shit street.......
See you soon....perhaps.
DJ CRAP PICTURE.