CLASSIFIED ADS

FOR SALE. 1 bag of assorted diamonds. Various sizes. Will suit student or poshy snob. Will accept £10 or swap for Ford Cortina. Tel : 07776 450492.                                                                                                                              

FOR SALE. Celebrity Slippers. 14 pairs of slippers as worn by the stars. 1 x pair Chuckle Brothers brogue style, in tan fake nubuck. 1 x Andi Peters pink mule type. Lots more. £20 no offers. Tel: 01302 811906

Wanted. July 2001 issue of Razzle. The one with Julie from York in readers Wives. Up to £2.50 for mint condition. Ring Bob on 07776 450492 after 6pm.

FOR SALE. Caravan of Love. Previously owned by the Housemartins. Stains still observable. Sale due to smell of stale jizz and cheap cider. Fatboy Slim left a skidmark on the PortaPotti. Collectors item. £85 O.V.N.O. Tel: 0112 7584473 before 11am.

For Sale. Pair of KAM belt drive turntables. All leads included. Includes Stanton 500AL carts too. Had a bit of use but still in good condition. Sale due to getting too big for them. Ring Premier on 01-201-968-4423 anytime. $120 or swap for vinyl copy of Rufrocka & Backpacks "Shallow Anal Fisting EP".

Wanted. Gold watch with diamonds like Puff Daddy's. Doesn't have to be real as can only afford to pay £15. Please ring Jehst on 0208 438 8861. Peace.

Wanted. How To Win Friends and Influence People, hardback copy. Preferably signed. Doesn't matter who by. Contact Bob Dazzle on 07776 450492. May exchange for pub band.

FOR SALE. List of free internet porn sites. Amateur, Asian, Cumshots, Black, Lezza, etc etc. Over 243 entries (OO-ER). Well worth it. £13.73. Ring Woody on 01709 722375. If my mum answers, hang up and try after 8pm 'cos she goes out then.

For Sale. The Road to Mecca. Well trodden, but easily identifyable. £4,500,000. May exchange for Humber Bridge or Route 66. Ring Jeff Spangle on 01302 488299.

Wanted. Second Language. Prefer an easy one. Can only swap for Hungarian as my giro is late. Wes 0114 382 2248

Wanted. Driving Lessons. would prefer female tutor. A sexy one. No older than 36. Bit loose. I have problems with shifting gear and getting my clutch in. Can you help? No-one from BSA please. Colin 01302 822372

Wanted. Marlon Brando. Offering upto £328 for good specimen. Nico 01907 386675

FOR SALE. York Minster. Slight fire damage. Hardly noticable anymore. Will accept £2500 and the answer to 28 across in 27th Jan Sunday Mirror Magazine. John 01204 288716

For Sale. Microsoft calculator. Blue and green with orange buttons. Keeps telling me I make illegal operations. This cannot be good. Seems to operate even when I switch it off. Has 6 shiny silver screws and a % button. May suit accountant. Free to good home. Ring Dr Rocket 01426 755629. buyer collects. No Canvessers.