When Love Calls Your Name
Part 4 - Darkness
by Karen H

“It’s supposed to rain tonight.” Shannon tells me and I wonder if she’s seen that I have some sort of fascination with the clock.

In all honesty I don’t care if it rains, there could be a big freeze outside and I wouldn’t care.

Actually, I probably would care. If the ground is frozen it could affect the ability of aircraft to land and therefore hinder his ability to return today.

But then again, it’s almost 6pm and he hasn’t called to tell me he’s back.

“Yohoo Joey, planet earth calling Joey.” Shannon’s words trickle into my thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“I asked if you were going to tell me why you haven’t taken your eyes of the clock all day.”

“No reason.” I lie. Of course I lie; it’s all I’ve done for the past month.

“Really?” She asks obviously not buying it and why would she buy it.

He’d definitely said he’d be back on Monday, so why then am I here on Wednesday evening wondering where the hell he is?

“Would you like some coffee?” I ask her as I move away from the counter, walking towards the staff room.

“No.” She replies and I know she’ll be looking exasperated. I’ve hardly been myself these past few days and I know my behaviour makes her worry.

Dawson didn’t call all weekend, not that he said he would, I was just a little sad that he didn’t. Monday mid-afternoon came and still no phone call. I even tried calling my cell phone to check it worked, it works perfectly fine. I tried calling his cell and the number he gave me for Gwen’s house; both are apparently no longer in use.

I had a gut feeling that I wouldn’t see him again and I pushed that aside, too caught up in the emotions I felt at that moment.

Pouring some milk from the jug into my cup I note how my hand shakes and I feel the need to sit down.

Silently I cry, for a love I now know never died, not in me anyway. I cry for a love that may never be again.

My hand trembles as I quickly hand the cab driver the fare.

‘Will he be here tonight’, the thought crosses my mind.

All day on and off I’d considered not turning up for this, the official closing of the exhibit. But in the end my curiosity has won out, I want to know if Dawson is going to show up for this.

Composing myself I quickly enter the gallery leaving behind the crisp New York air. The door has barely swung closed behind me when I hear someone calling my name and I groan internally, Simon.

Maybe I shouldn't have come, but I guess it’s too late to leave now that he’s spotted me and I guess I’ll need to think quickly if I want to get away from this guy.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t gonna show.” He says handing me a glass of champagne.

I just smile and nod as he starts blabbering on about how well his paintings have been received by people and I think he’s talking about his next exhibit. I’m not really hearing the words; instead I just nod every few moments while I scan the crowd for Dawson.

After what feels like hours I excuse myself and walk towards the bathroom making the mental note to avoid that guy at all costs for the rest of the evening, the rest of my life.

“Don’t you just hate it when someone drones on and on, not realizing you’re bored?” A voice says from behind me as I neared the stairs leading up to the toilets.

I stop walking but don’t turn around. Even though I’ve been waiting to see him ever since he left, part of me is afraid to look at him. Afraid of the power he seems to have over me, even now.

“Yeah.” I finally say after a moment, still not daring to turn to face him but he moves until he’s standing before me. “I wondered if you’d be here tonight...” my eyes finally meet his as the tone in my voice becomes more confrontational. “What with you telling me you’d be back on Monday and then not calling to let me know you were back.”

His facial expression doesn’t change; nothing in his eyes give away what he’s thinking. Funny how there was a time when it was so easy to read what he was thinking or feeling, when his eyes were like the window to his soul.

Did we really change that much?

“I meant to call.” He replies and his voice sounds sincere enough. “Something just came up with Aunt Gwen and I had to a take care of it.”

“Oh.” I mouth, the sound not coming out as I begin to feel like a first class bitch. He really doesn’t owe me anything does he? It’s not like we’ve ever said we have a relationship, and even if we did I have no right to pry.

“I’m sorry Jo.” He adds and I feel my demeanor softening.

“Is she okay?” I finally ask and he nods his head.

“Yeah.” Dawson replies glancing around. “Do you think it’s too soon for us to get out of here?”

“I think you just read my mind.” I smile. “Where’d you have in mind?”

“Somewhere we could talk.” He says and I lace my fingers in his.

“That sounds good.”

We end up back at his hotel room and I feel like there’s so much I want to say, so much stuff needs to be put out in the open. About us, Pacey…

As he closes the door behind him he asks “Would you like anything to drink?”

I shake my head, “right now all I want is you.”

He’s been gone for almost a week, but to me it feels like forever and all at once, the questions that I’ve been longing to ask seem to dissolve inside my brain as I look at him.

“I missed you.” He says and his voice sounds somewhat pained.

“I missed you too.” I say as he steps closer, lightly stroking my hair. “It started the minute you left.”

Funny how I’d never considered how much I missed him before.

I touch the hand that caresses my hair, move it to my lips so I can kiss it before letting it go.

“I won’t be able to stay here indefinitely.” Dawson says as I reach for the collar of his shirt, moving closer to him.

“I know.” But I don’t want to think about that right now. So instead of saying anything else I tug on his collar pulling his lips closer to mine.

Tentatively I kiss him, looking for some sort of acknowledgement that this is okay. Within a few seconds he kisses me back while his hands push my jacket off of my shoulder and it falls to the floor. His jacket soon follows and as the kiss intensifies we start to back up towards the bed and I start to undo the buttons on his shirt.

I know I have tonight and for now that appears to be enough, it has to be.

His hands work to undo the zipper at the back of my dress and I stop working on his buttons for a moment to step out of the dress. Once it hits the floor he quickly removes my bra and I do away with the flimsy piece of material that passes for a pair of panties.

Standing before him naked I see the expression in his eyes change as he looks down my body and back up again. I take his hand and bring it up to my cheek, “I missed this.”

He reaches his arms around my waist, pulls me into him and we both groan as his erection comes into contact with me and our lips met again.

He pulls me closer against him as his tongue brushes against my lips and I allow its entry. His tongue brushes against mine and I yearn to feel his naked body against mine. Taking one of his hands I move it to my breast before I undo the final few buttons of his shirt, push it off of his shoulders and down his arms before I throw it aside.

Immediately I grab for the zipper of his pants and we stop kissing, his hands moving up and down my body. Pushing his trousers and boxers down I gently bite at his shoulder as one of his hands moves between my legs, stroking sensitive flesh.

I lightly stroke his erect cock, a sly smile probably on my lips as his head rolls back and his hand stills and I start to touch him with both hands. He groans something inaudible before his hands move over my own and he stills them, his eyes coming back to meet mine.

“It’ll be over too soon if you keep it going at this rate.” Dawson says after a moment before nipping at my lower lip and I take another step backwards before falling onto the bed.

As I sit he leans down to kiss my forehead, before moving onto his knees. His lips touch mine ever so briefly before he starts sucking on my neck, biting, blowing and kissing.

“I missed this too.” Dawson says huskily against my lips, the vibrations from his voice sending a shiver down my spine.

He softly kisses the corner of my mouth as he lightly strokes my inner thigh, before he traces the outline of my lips and I lick them in anticipation of what he’ll do next. With his hands on my ass he pulls me closer to the edge of the bed and I wrap an arm around him before touching his face.

Just looking in his eyes for a moment I feel so connected, like the past nine or so years could just fade away.

His mouth moves to my breast and he starts to swirl his tongue around my nipple as my fingers move through his hair. He blows on the nipple, sucks and bites all the while one of his hands moves closer to my core. A moment later his hot mouth moves to the other breast as one of his fingers brushes against my opening. I tug a little at his hair and raise my hips slightly.

His face comes level to my own and he watches my face for a moment before dipping inside of me, his finger moving slowly and I let out a small moan as his lips crush mine. The speed of his finger quickens and my hips begin to move almost of their own accord to the rhythm, the pace increasing after he adds another finger.

He breaks away from the kiss and I open my eyes, wondering if he can read the desire in them as I feel the tension become insurmountable. It’s been less than a week since it’s been like this with him yet it feels like a lifetime since I’ve been with anyone like this.

Not even Pacey made me feel this good.

My hips continue to move off of the bed in time with the movement of his hand and I reach out for him, needing to touch him as I feel the orgasm about to take hold, “Dawson…” I murmur incoherently on the verge of exploding and he kisses my wrist before his hand stills and then it’s gone.

I moan at the loss of contact and wrap my arms around his neck. He mumbles something against the crock of my neck as he rises to his feet and lifts me slightly before putting me down further back on the bed. I lower my back to the mattress as he moves onto it; his hands roam my body as his teeth graze my hardened nipples.

Unable to take it anymore I lightly touch the back of his head as I run the tip of my finger over his erection. “Now!” I implore huskily as I spread my legs.

He positions himself between my legs and I feel the tip of his cock about to enter me when he blurts out, “We forgot to get a…”

He trails off as I thrust my hips against his and he starts to enter me. “I’m on the pill.” I tell him and as he pushes further inside me and I can’t help the moans that escape from my lips.

Dawson started to move in and out of me, slowly at first but as my hips rock against his he moves faster, in and out. Burying my head against the bed I clutch at the covers with one hand while the other rests just over his shoulder, my fingernails digging into his skin as the tension becomes unbearable once more until I finally explode around him, calling his name over and over.

His movements slow down and he brushes a strand of hair off of my face as my breathing becomes steadier. I touch the side of his face and smile at him before pushing against his chest. “Turn over.”

He obeys quickly, rolling onto his back and I straddle him and he moans as I lower myself onto him. I trace the outline of his lips with my index finger and as I lean forward I trail my hand down his chest, tweaking his nipples before my lips come into contact with his. Sucking on his bottom lip I start to slowly move my hips as his hands rest on my ass.

Taking one of his hands I sit up again, taking one of his fingers into my mouth, sucking on it before lowering his hand to my breast and he circles the nipple with his finger. His eyes move from mine to my breasts as I bounce on top of him, both of us moaning. His hands move to my thighs, pushing against them while raising his hips off of the bed until finally his orgasm rips through him at the same time I go over the edge again, this time with him.

I collapse on top of him, loving how all of this feels as one of his hands rests on the small of my back.

“Well that was-” After a moment he begins but doesn’t finish.

“Explosive?” I offer as I feel him go limp inside me.

“Yeah.” He agrees. “Although it doesn’t seem like the right word to describe it, to do it justice.”

I know what he means. Suddenly I feel my eyes become heavy and for a moment I think about how wrong this is, yet there’s not one feeling of guilt. How could I deny myself this?

Moving off of him, I quickly kiss him on the mouth before laying my head on his chest. “You know there was a slight upside to your not being back on Monday.” I begin feeling I need to say this before my nerve goes. “It gave me some time to think. I knew before you left I was going to miss you but I hadn’t quiet realized how much. And it’s made me see that I want to be with you.”

He doesn’t reply, I guess he’s already fallen asleep.

“I need to end things with Pacey.” I whisper to the room as my eyes begin to close.