Sensory Pleasure
Part 20 - I wanna be with you
Karen H.

I know that he’ll follow me; he’ll want to resolve this. But I’m afraid that this could be the day our friendship is ruined.

Three wonderful nights and one ruined friendship later...how could I ever cope without him in my life? I don’t think I could ever go back to how things used to be with us.

Not when I want more. Not when I want everything.

I hear someone approach behind me, but I don’t turn around. As I get closer to my building he calls to me.

“Joey…wait.”

Still I don’t turn around. I don’t turn around until I feel his hand on my arm, pulling me back.

“Joey – talk to me! Don’t do this.”

“Leave me alone, Dawson.” I tell him, noticing a few people staring.

“No, we need to talk about this now.”

I just shake my head. “Goodbye Dawson.” I tell him as I turn and walk away. I’ve barely taken ten steps when he calls to me again, this time louder so that other people can hear. “I won’t let you push me away again.” He pauses, maybe waiting for my reaction. Waiting for me to turn around, but I don’t.

Suddenly I recall a time so long ago when we promised never to air our dirty laundry in public.

Promise me we will never air a relationship crisis about anything like that. I can't think of anything more embarrassing and immature.

“We’ve been friends forever.” He starts as he runs his fingers through his hair. “You can’t just walk away from this without telling me why you want to throw away what we have!”

I turn to face him. “You’re creating a scene.” I tell him, my voice loud enough for only him to hear it.

“It’s about to get ten times worse, Jo. You really should have invited me in to discuss this.” He replies before raising his voice again. “We can’t spend an amazing night together and then call it nothing!”

“Dawson…”

"I was inside you". He growls in a husky voice and I'm uncertain if anyone else heard him say that.

I really have to stop him from going any further, the only thought going through my head as I walk towards him.

“I made you…” He stops talking as I press my lips against his, taken aback by my actions. Maybe Dawson expected me to punch him as opposed to kiss him. His final word muffled by our lips pressed together. “…scream.”

For one moment everything stops. I forget about everything that is unrelated to Dawson…the people that are watching, focusing only on him...on us. I briefly forget about what brought us here, about the fight that we were about to encounter.

Only letting my thoughts be of his tongue brushing against mine, as he moves one of his hands to cup my cheek, while the other rests on my hip, mine are wrapped around him.

The way he looked, the feel of his skin, the sound of his breathing; they’re all permanently etched in my mind.

If only this was one of his romantic gestures, as opposed to what it really is. An attempt to save a dying friendship!! He knows as well as I do that there is no going back to what we were before.

He breaks the kiss and I groan internally at the loss of contact. How does he do this to me? I’m mad at him but I want to kiss him again. To wrap my arms around him and never let go.

A girl knocks into me pulling me from my daze. “Sorry!” She calls to me as she runs down the street.

As I look back at Dawson I notice that most of the people who were staring a moment ago are gone. I guess our lives are not that interesting to some people.

A few people still remain, wanting to see what happens.

“Jo…”

“You have two minutes.” I cut in. “Come on.”

“Sometimes that’s all it takes, honey.” I hear a guy call as Dawson and I make our way to the entrance of my building.

As we enter the dorm room I don’t look at him. I haven’t said anything to him, not since I invited him up here.

I hang my jacket up in the closet and turn to find him standing behind me. “Jo…”

I shake my head. “You don’t have to say anything, Dawson. You can go now.” He shakes his head, raising an eyebrow. “You want me to leave?”

“Yeah.” I reply, walking towards the door, ready to show him out.

As I reach for the door handle he places his hand against the door. “You said I had two minutes!”

“What can I say, Dawson?? I lied.” I tell him. “I just said that to get you to stop causing a scene. Now go.”

“No, not until we talk about this.”

I don’t reply, instead I walk towards the bathroom.

“Joey…Jo, don’t do this!” He says as I feel his hand on my arm, turning me to face him. “We have to talk about what happened!”

“No we don’t. I said it before and I’ll say it again…there’s nothing to say.”

“You know that’s not true, we have to…”

“To discuss this!!” I cut in. “Why?? So you can say what I know you’re gonna say!” I tell him, my words acidic. “Anything that’s said right now…I know that it’s just an attempt to salvage whatever friendship we had...So just go.”

“We have nothing to fix, Jo.” He whispers as he takes a step back and slumps on the bed.

“Wow!” The word escapes my lips before I can think about what he’s really said. “Say how you really feel!!”

“That’s not what I meant.” He replies and I look at him questioningly, as he adds, “And you know it.”

I don’t reply, I just glare at him.

“We do have something…” He starts as he stands back up, taking a step forward as he continues. “…but it’s so much more than friendship…”

“Dawson, don’t! You don’t have to say all this. Let’s just call it what it was.”

“And that would be?”

“Your girlfriend wasn’t in town and you needed some, but you’re not alone in this…I needed some too. So just call it what it was…Sex!” I tell him as I shrug my shoulders, trying not to show him that I want so much more. “Nothing more.”

“Is that what you really think it was Joey?”

I don’t reply, afraid my voice will betray what I feel…what I want to say.

We just stand looking at each other for a few moments, my eyes yet again drawn to his lips. But I manage to snap myself out of whatever this is, as I walk towards the window.

“I’ve already saved you the trouble of saying it first, it was just sex…go. Say it!! It was just a weekend fling! That’s all this was, that’s all I was to you.”

“You may be a lot of things, but that’s one thing you could never be.” He replies after a moment.

“I’m not sure I believe that.” I spit back at him.

“Who are you trying to convince that that’s all this was, me or you?? I’ve told you before; it’s not just sex when it’s us. It has to be something more.”

“Really?? You have a funny way of showing it, because your actions speak volumes.” I tell him, my voice slightly raised. Then more calmly I add, “You just left.”

He runs his fingers through his hair as he replies, “I didn’t want to leave. You have no idea how much I wanted to stay with you. To be there beside you when you woke up…” He says, walking around the bed to stand in front of me. “Did you ever consider that there may have been some reason why I wasn’t there, something unrelated to us…to you?”

Without realizing it, I shake my head a little and he must see the small gesture. If he was standing any closer he wouldn’t have seen it because it was such a little movement. “No.”

“The reason that I wasn’t there, was because I had to take care of something at the restaurant, for mom.”

“Oh…” I mouth, before adding. “I’m sorry, I never…I just...”

I don’t know what to say, we’re now in this position, the chance now upon us to say how we really feel.

But once I say what I want to say, there’s no going back on it.

After a few minutes we’re both still standing there, facing each other, nothing being said by either of us.

“I’ll see you later Joey.” He says to me as he turns towards the door. “Obviously there’s nothing more we have to say about this.”

I’m suddenly overcome with the need for him to stay, to show him it means more to me.

I follow him across the room and before he makes it to the door, I place my arm on his. “Dawson…don’t go.”

He stops walking. “I thought there was nothing to stay for.” Dawson replies, turning his head slightly. “It was just sex, nothing more.”

Moving to stand in front of him, I smile as I place my hand on his shirt, pulling on his collar, bringing his lips to meet mine.

At first my lips are just lightly brushing against his, and then in a matter of seconds it turns into something much more. The kiss turns more passionate, both of us hungry for more.

My tongue brushing against his lips, his lips parting, our tongues dancing as I run my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to me.

“It’s never just sex when it’s us” I whisper breathlessly my lips burning from the kiss as I push him backwards. “There has to be some kind of love there.” I finish as he falls onto the bed pulling me on top of him.

I start an assault on his lips again as he lightly strokes my back. TO BE CONTINUED…