Sensory Pleasure
Part 15 - Take my hand
Karen H.

This all feels as though there is a certain degree of surrealism to it, we end up in positions and can’t quite remember how we got there.

What’s the last thing that I remember from being awake? Oh we came up to Dawson’s room to get some sleep because we never got much last night.

Which reminds me, I still haven’t been to see Bessie yet...ugh it’s only Saturday...what time is it?...who cares?

Well we entered this room in silence, (after Gail sent us up to get some sleep) and I’m not sure who said what, but the conversation went something like this.

"Well this is kind of awkward!"

"Yes it is, but we thrive with awkward."

"Do you think that we’ll get past this?"

"I hope so."

Well as far as I’m aware the awkwardness has gone, but that might be because we haven’t analysed this thing to death yet. We’ve still to pick this apart. Still to decide what it all means. A big part of me is terrified to do this. When something happens once it’s an accident.

But what happens when the same thing happens five times? Well it’s beyond an accident, that much I know.

Oh yeah, back to positioning. When we lay down to go to sleep, we made sure that our bodies were as far apart on his bed as could be.

But that’s not the position that we are in now. He’s lying on his back, I don’t see it because my eyes are still closed but I know it.

It’s my position that has changed the most. I’m not lying on my side or on my back. I’m kinda lying on my front, both of my legs kinda wrapped around one of Dawson’s. One of my arms is over his waist and my head is resting on his chest. I know this part because I can hear his heart beat. My other arm seems to be kind of twisted round my back, stroking the small of my back with my thumb and a few fingers are resting just under the waistband of my trousers.

Oh no...hey wait a minute. That’s not my arm, that’s Dawson’s. Now I realise where my other arm is, it’s resting underneath my stomach and now that I’m conscious of where it is, I feel uncomfortable as it’s digging into me. Slowly I move my hand out from under my stomach and as I do this his thumb stops stroking my back.

I’m tempted to ask him why he stopped because it felt nice. Not much of an adjective but I’m kinda wrapped around Dawson here and it’s all you’re getting. While his other hand rests on top of my hand that is over his waist, the one with the now still thumb slowly moves away from my back. "Come back." I say in my head. He gently clasps his fingers in mine and I feel myself melt from his touch.

What a surprise this is to wake up and find her practically lying on top of me. It’s only taken us three years to get into this position. And I must say, it has certainly been worth the wait.

I wish that she was awake just now so that...so that what?

So that we can finally analyse this? So that it all becomes real? Because right now I’m content with this being a dream world. A fantasy.

But sooner or later, we will have to talk about this.

She rolls away from me, back onto her side of the bed. This allows me a chance to get away from here for a while. A chance to go somewhere to do some thinking.

Okay, so maybe I won’t get the chance to do a lot of thinking at the restaurant...but at least this way I can put off finding out how Joey feels about this.

take my hand and if I’m lying to you
I’ll always be alone, if I’m lying to you
take your time if I’m lying to you

Leery’s Fresh Fish.

I know that you’ll find that you believe me, you believe me

How can we not have discussed this yet? It happened again last night...we’ve had ample time together.

Yet neither one of us is brave enough to initiate this conversation.

"Dawson, honey." Mom says as she exits the restaurant kitchen. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Could you call Bessie for me, ask her if she has any vacancies for tonight."

"Okay, you planning on kicking me out?" I jokingly ask her.

She just laughs. "Don’t tempt me. It’s actually for a customer."

"How many is it for?" I ask her.

"Two." She calls as she walks back towards the kitchen.

Potter B&B.

The phone rings three times before I answer it. "Hello, Potter B&B."

"Joey?" The voice on the other end of the phone asks.

"Dawson...hey." Is this how this conversation is going to happen? Over the phone. "What can I do for you?" I ask him as I prepare myself for this conversation.

"Mom asked me to call." He tells me, before adding, "See if you had any vacancies for tonight."

So this isn’t how this conversation is going to happen. I don’t know if I’m relieved or not. At least if it was discussed this way we wouldn’t have to see each other.

"I’m not sure, I just got in. Give me a minute and I’ll just check with Bessie."

As I pick the phone back up it sounds as though no one is there. "Dawson...you still there?"

"Yeah." He replies. "So are there any vacancies?"

"Um...yeah."

"Good, I’ll let mom know." He pauses for a moment, before adding, "Ah...I’ll see you later Joey."

"Dawson?"

"What?"

"Don’t you think that it would help if..." I start to say but he cuts me off.

"What would help?"

Is every conversation that we have going to be like this? Awkward. "If you told me how many it was for."

"Oh, right. It’s for two people." Dawson is silent for a moment, as though he’s contemplating what to say next. "So...um, how are you Joey?" he asks awkwardly.

"I’m fine." I reply. "And you?"

"I’m good, thanks." There is another slight pause before he says, "Listen Jo, about...well...we need to...hold on a sec."

So maybe this is how this conversation is going to take place after all. I can hear him talking to someone else but I can’t make out what is being said.

"Joey, I have to go help mom with something."

"Oh right...so I’ll talk to you later?" I ask him.

"Yeah...bye."

"See you Dawson." I say into the receiver, but I don’t put the phone down just yet. Instead I wait until I hear the phone click from Dawson hanging up the phone.

Well so far we’ve still not had that conversation yet. The one that we’re both dying to have yet terrified to broach. All I do know is that when it finally happens...well I want things to change.