Sensory Pleasure As I just lie beside her watching her sleep, a small smile plays across her lips.
How on earth did we get here? That’s the first thought that goes through my head as I watch her sleep. Actually, it’s not the first thought, it’s the second. The first was ‘God, she’s beautiful’.
But seriously, how did we get here? Not ‘here’ physically, but...well...more of a how have we ended up like this? Not together, but still together.
I know that there is no one answer to that question.
It’s not just a case of who made the first move. Or who said what to who. Thousands of decisions led us here. Right or wrong, good or bad.
But is it where we’re supposed to be? Here and with each other! I’m terrified to find out the answer to that question, not quite sure of which one could scare me the most.
Yes...we’re supposed to be together. This one sounds like it’s the option with the happy ending. It’s just the getting there that could be the tricky part. The not hurting each other.
And the other possibility.
No! Such a small word for all that it entails. This answer means that the dream that I’ve always hoped for, will never be realised.
The dream that’s more important than directing any movie, winning any award. Having Joey.
I glance at the clock, it’s almost 8am. I know that it’s pointless staying here. I know that I’ll never get back to sleep. As I climb out of bed and start getting dressed, I wonder if mom is awake yet. I wonder if she knows that I’m here.
Then I lean up a little as I realise where I am. I’m naked, I’m in Dawson’s bed and what happened last night was not just a dream.
I bury my head under the pillow, knowing that we’re going to have to have ‘the talk’ again. Huh, like it wasn’t difficult enough the first time.
Unless I can put off the inevitable. Unless I can sneak away, put this talk off a bit.
As I get up off of Dawson’s bed I wrap the quilt around me. That’s a nice thought...I’m wrapped in Dawson’s quilt after...knock it off Joey.
Just stop it. It happened...that’s it.
How many times can we tell each other that? It just happened.
As I place the clothes I was wearing last night on the window seat I glance out the window, and there he is. Sitting on the dock, looking as though he’s deep in thought.
I just sit on the window seat, watching him as Gale walks across the lawn towards him.
Gale must have said something funny to him, because he’s laughing and shaking his head at her.
I miss these moments. Seeing how he acts with others. Seeing people make him smile, laugh. These past few months, more than anything, I’ve just missed Dawson.
Being in his presence. Seeing that gleam in his eyes when he’s happy.
I wish that it could be me that makes him happy.
With that thought going through my mind, I start to get dressed...as ready to face Dawson as I’ll ever be. Knowing that I’m ‘so’ close to telling him the truth.
We enter the kitchen in silence, mom and I. She’s just told me that she ‘had’ to make me breakfast. She misses cooking for more than one person.
Normally I’d say something about all of the people that she cooks for at the restaurant. But I know what she means. She misses cooking for her family.
That’s why I try to come here as often as I can. Try to help out.
I walk over towards the counter. "Dawson?"
"What?" I reply turning to look at her.
"I thought that I was dealing with breakfast?" She says, pointing to one of the chairs.
I suppose that the same excuses won’t wash this time. The ‘it just happened’ or ‘we got caught up in the moment.’
Maybe some of this holds true for Joey, but not for me. There was more to it than that.
It wasn’t just sex! It was...making love, wasn’t it?
Just as it was every other time.
Does Joey still want us to go back to being just friends? Does she hope that this won’t change anything?
I know what I want. I want what happened, our sleeping together...I want it to change everything.
"What are you smiling about?" Mom says sitting down beside me.
"I didn’t realise that I was."
"You don’t have to tell me what you were thinking about, Dawson. I know." She tells me, matter-of-factly.
How could she know. "You do?" I ask surprised.
"I’ve seen that look before Dawson...many times. It’s the same look that your father had..."
"And what look is that?" I ask her, almost afraid of what she’ll say.
"You’re in love." She says simply.
I have no words, well I do but none that are going to come out.
She reaches across the table and touches my hand. "And you’re happy. It’s no more than you deserve, Dawson." Mom says as Joey enters the kitchen.
"Morning Mrs Leery, Dawson." Joey says, smiling.
How does she do that? Act as though everything is still the same.
Maybe that’s what she wants. Everything to stay the same.
any comments? like? dislike? got a fave part or line? I wanna know. feedback can be sent to Karen
Part 14 - if i let you go
Karen H.
and I just can’t get you off my mind
nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can’t find
I wake up to find that she is gone, no longer in my arms. But on her side of the bed. She’s lying on her stomach, her face partially hidden by her hair.
I’ve never felt so much love before
and once again I’m thinking about
taking the easy way out
what my life could be, holding you close to me
will I ever see, you smiling back at me
how will I know if I let you go
"Morning Mom." I say as I walk out of the house, going over to kiss her on the cheek.
She smiles as I sit down on one of the chairs across from her. "Morning honey. I didn’t think that you were coming, you said that you’d be here at about eleven o’clock."
"One of the many downsides of having my car in the shop...we missed the train."
"Oh, is Jen with you?" She asks, as Lily reaches over towards me, wanting to sit with me.
I stick my tongue out at her as I take her from mom and she giggles. "I came down with Joey. We never got here until about half past one and Joey forgot her keys, so she stayed here."
"Wasn’t Jen supposed to be coming down with you this weekend?"
I nod my head. "She had to work at the radio station. Some last minute thing or something."
Mom stands up. "Would you like me to make you something for breakfast?"
"It’s okay, I can get myself something." I reply standing up.
"Why don’t you stay out here just now, let me get you something. What would you like?" She says taking Lily from me and walking towards the house.
"I’ll just have a glass of orange juice." I tell her as I sit back down looking out at the creek.
night after night, I hear myself say
why can’t this feeling just fade away
there’s no one like you, you speak to my heart
it’s such a shame, we’re worlds apart
I wake up still feeling tired, yet at the same time I feel as though I’ve had the best sleep ever. I just lay there for a few moments, willing myself to go back to sleep.
but sooner or later I gotta choose
and once again I’m thinking about
taking the easy way out
what my life could be, holding you close to me
will I ever see, you smiling back at me
how will I know if I let you go
and once again I’m thinking about
taking the easy way out
I just sit down and mom starts carrying some dishes over to the table, as I get lost in my thoughts...about Joey.
what my life could be, holding you close to me
will I ever see, you smiling back at me
how will I know if I let you go
will I ever see, you smiling back at me
how will I know if I let you go
*if I let you go - westlife*