Love Doesn't Ask Why
Part 13
what ravages of spirit conjured
created you a monster
but I have the sense to recognise
every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
Joey stood looking out the window, darkness still surrounding everything. But the moon was shining brightly. It was 7:15 am but outside the streets were quiet, eerily quiet. This was in dark contrast to the noise within her. Her head commended her on her decision, but her heart was conflicting. Her heart was asking why?
She looked down at her left hand, at the foreign object now sitting on her finger. When was it that she started to take the easy route. When was it that she stopped listening to her heart? She knew all too well when it was. The last time she listened to her heart it resulted in too much heartbreak, but that didn’t mean that she regretted it. Because she didn’t. And if given a choice, she’d relive this over and over again for that one night. For him, for them. That had all been just over seven years ago. That had been the last time that she had saw him.
I’m ever swiftly moving
She wondered where he was now, well she had a rough idea. He was in LA, fulfilling his dreams. She knew that he wasn’t with Gretchen anymore. Pacey had told her that they split about eight months after Dawson and Gretchen had left Capeside. But she knew differently. Gail had told Bessie when it happened. And Bessie had told Joey. And three months later Pacey told Joey about the split. She never let on to Pacey that she had already known about it. She thought that she knew why he had lied to her, and part of her thought that maybe, just maybe he was right. She might have left Pacey. She wasn’t sure now what would have happened. But she wondered what exactly was he doing? How was he? Was he alone? Did he feel all alone in LA? Did he know how much she still missed him? How much she still thought about him? How much she still loved him? How much she still longed for him?
a glowing ember
She had often wondered where he was at each exact moment. Had always wondered exactly what he was doing, who he was with. The only thing she did know with any degree of certainty was that he wasn’t married. Or at least Bessie had never told her if he was. Any information she got regarding Dawson she always got from Bessie. But she didn’t know if Bessie had started to keep things from her.
I know I can’t be with you
She often asked the night sky if he was thinking of her. But she never got a reply. She didn’t really need one. As long as he was okay. As long as he was happy. He was almost always the last thought in her head before she fell asleep. And for the past few weeks he was all that she could think about. It was almost like he consumed all of her waking moments. She had been so close to telling Sarah and Nicola. Just so that she could talk about him with someone other than Bessie. But she hadn’t, he would be eternally hers.
this temptuous rage
Scene: - Joey and Pacey’s apartment. Early morning Chicago.
broken by the rule of love
oh and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do
that I don’t know how to let you go
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
oh the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognise
that I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
burning hot, burning slow
and deep within I’m shaken
by the violence of existing for only you
I do what I have to do
oh I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognise
that I don’t know how to let you go
don’t know how to let you go
don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
** do what you have to do - sarah mclachlan **