All This Time

Part 2 - One Life

He’d raced to the airport in some attempt to stop her from leaving him again and had by no means been prepared for the bombshell she’d just dropped. “I…Jo, I don’t know what to say.” He had replied, finally finding his voice.

“Maybe you should sit down.” Joey offered, hoping against hope he wouldn’t be angry.

Dawson just nodded as he moved towards one of the chairs. “Um, how…when did you find out?”

“First thing this morning.” She answered knowing full well the thoughts that were probably passing through his head. “I made my decision last night,” Joey began a small smile playing on her lips. “I had just seen an ad for your movie and it sort of hit me where I belonged. Then on my way home I had to stop by the drug store and while I was there it sort of came to me the reason why I may have been fainting the past few weeks. It had happened before, the last time.” Joey brushed a strand of hair off of her face. “The doctor confirmed it this morning.”

Dawson seemed to be in some sort of shock and Joey just allowed him to sit there and absorb what she’d told him.

It could have been minutes later, or even hours but Joey finally had to say something.

“I know it’s a lot to take…” she began but Dawson cut her off.

“You think it’s a lot to take in?” He retorted. “I came here hoping I’d stop you leaving, hoping that maybe you wanted to be my girlfriend and instead I learn that in eight months give or take a few weeks I’ll have a ready made family.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It was hardly the news I was expecting.”

She bit her lip in an attempt to stop herself from crying. This was supposed to be happy news, but somehow she was able to see this from Dawson’s viewpoint. Her eyes moved to his and she found he was looking at her.

“What?” She asked.

“What was your initial reaction?” He asked hoping hearing what she had to say would quell the uneasy feeling he had.

“Initially I was stunned, but that only lasted a moment before I laughed and realised I wanted this.” She replied a small smile in on lips before she finished almost in a whisper. “…and I wanted you.” Her eyes searched his and she saw he had so many questions he wanted to ask, but wasn’t sure he could. “Ask it.” She told him. “I knew you would, I would be surprised if you didn’t.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, part of him hating the fact he was even asking. “Is it mine?”

“Yes.” Joey replied, emotion evident in her voice. “I wouldn’t have come to you if I was carrying someone else’s child. I’m only one month late, we hadn’t…” she trailed off not wanting to paint that picture for him. “My doctor did a sonogram to confirm the timing; she said I was 4 weeks pregnant.”

“I’m still…I guess stuck in shocked mode.” Dawson told her, his voice low. “I want to be happy about this, I do but…”

“I know.”

“I just need to think all of this over.”

“I understand.” Joey replied with a hint of disappointment in her voice. She’d prepared herself for this, somehow knowing it would be a shock. She had hardly expected him to gush over this but still, seeing him react like this still hurt.

They both went back to sitting in silence for a while, until Joey moved onto her feet.

“Where are you going?” Dawson asked looking up at her, scared she was just going to leave.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” She replied placing her bag on the chair. “Did you think I was gonna do a runner because you’re not over the moon with the news?”

His silence spoke volumes and he lightly shrugged his shoulders, looking away from her eyes.

“I’ll be back in a little while.” She called over her shoulder as she walked away.

“Joey?”

“Yeah.” She replied turning to face him.

“Why aren’t you going to that one?” He asked, pointing to the ladies toilet in the opposite direction to where she was walking.

“I need to stretch my legs a bit.” And with that she was gone.

Dawson watched her walk out of sight and around a corner. He rubbed his eyes and sitting forward covered his face with his hands as he leaned on his knees, one thought reverberating through his head.

Did this added news change anything?

He wanted to say “no it didn’t” and believe it, but the truth of the matter was it did change things. In what appeared to him as a fleeting moment his life would always be forever changed, he would be forever changed. He was going to be a father, but was he ready for that?

More importantly, were they ready for that commitment?

At present time they weren’t even dating, unless you called what happened before dating and Dawson was sure that if anyone was going to put a label on the time they spent together they’d call it ‘fooling around’ at best. Hardly the grounds for having a child together.

His thoughts moved back to a time before when he’d heard that she lost their baby. He’d wished he was there with her through it all, getting the news that she was pregnant, even the moment she knew she lost their baby.

And maybe this was their second chance, the thing he craved above everything else but he couldn’t help his thoughts.

Is this the only reason she came back?

Is this the only reason she wants me?

Did he find out it was mine and kick her out?

Dawson was certain it was not the last one and the bigger part of him believed the answer to the other questions was no, but he couldn’t answer the biggest question of all.

Am I ready for this?

It kept coming back to him, even as he sat starring into space.

“Dawson,” he heard someone say and when he moved his head slightly focusing on her face and he noticed that she’d tied her hair in a ponytail. “Hey.”

“Hey, I’m…sorry I kind of got lost there for a moment.” He replied as Joey sat in the seat facing him.

“I got you some coffee.” Joey said, gesturing to the plastic cup on the table beside Dawson before she glanced at her watch. Biting her lip nervously she looked back at him again. “I have to board my flight soon.”

He thought he misheard her. “Huh?”

“I decided at the last minute earlier I was going to take a later flight.” She half shrugged. “Just in case you came. And I realize that you need time to think this over, because it’s quite the bombshell.”

She took a drink from the bottle of water he hadn’t noticed she was holding.

“After the doctor confirmed I was pregnant I knew it would probably be too much for you at once, and I knew I couldn’t rush you into making a decision.” Joey placed the bottle of water on the floor by her feet. “I meant it when I said I loved you, I meant it when I said I’d made my decision before knowing I was pregnant and I do believe you love me, but I need to give you time and space otherwise I’ll feel I’m pressuring you into something.”

He knew she was right but part of him wanted to just hold her and be happy.

She bit her lip again and closed her eyes for a second and Dawson knew she was trying to fight back tears. “I think you should go.” She managed to blurt out.

“Joey...” he began but she cut him off.

“If you’re here, if I have to say goodbye to you right before I board the flight I may not be able to do it.”

He nodded and closed his eyes, wondering if he could let her leave or better still, could he leave her here.

When he opened his eyes again he saw that she had moved to sit beside him and he reached out to take her hand.

“I love you,” he began as he turned in the seat towards her and she smiled. “And I want to be happy about this…” She placed a finger to his lips indicating that he didn’t have to say anything more.

“I know. You don’t have to say anything. Don’t feel pressured into making a decision; I’ll live with it either way. I am going to have this baby; deep down I know it’s what I’ve always wanted.”

Joey removed the finger from his lips and moved towards him. Her target had been his cheek but Dawson turned his face and caught her lips. She was caught by surprise, but only for a moment before both of them found they’d wrapped their arms around the other as their lips continued to move together.

They broke the kiss and she rested her forehead against his, unable to stop the tear that slid silently down her cheek. He moved to wipe the tear away and cupped her cheek.

“I do love you.” Dawson told her anyway, his voice cracking with emotion. “I can wait with you.”

“No.”

They both sat there for a moment, silently saying their goodbye both hoping that it was more a case of ‘see you later’ than goodbye.

His lips found hers again, but only briefly. As she extracted herself from his arms she swatted at a tear before standing and picking up her bag.

“Take your time.” She said slinging the bag onto her shoulder before turning and walking away.

He watched her depart and turn the corner again but continued to sit there.

As Dawson trudged his way into his living room he couldn’t quite remember how long he had been at the airport for, it felt like days as opposed to what it really was. Less than two hours.

Running his hands through his hair he traipsed through the sitting room and down the hall to his bedroom, threw his car keys on his bed before throwing himself down, face first on top of it.

When had things gotten so complicated? Hadn’t that been something he’d been asking himself a lot lately with more and more frequency.

He’d heard a lot of people complain about how their life was so bad, something they wanted would finally happen but some other event would occur almost at the same time to counter what they wanted. Dawson never wanted to think like that but for a brief moment he found himself wondering why this had to happen now.

For a moment he felt like he’d gotten everything he ever wanted only to have another piece of news come and take center stage.

She wanted him, she’d chosen him…but she was pregnant.

If he looked at both pieces of news as separate things, say news exert one happening a few months before news exert two then he could see himself feeling differently.

Her wanting him had made him feel elated, on top of the world, the luckiest man on the planet. She’d regretted the last seven years of her life; she needed to know that if things never happened it would be because of him…

He rubbed his eyes and contemplated taking a shower, something to keep him awake so he could think. Truth of the matter was he hadn’t slept that much lately because he was too busy with work. Anything to try and keep himself busy since she’d left.

Dawson pulled the polo shirt over his head and resigned himself to another night sleeping without her. Her scent was on the shirt he’d just taken off and he was struck by how much he missed her already. How much he’d missed her as soon as she’d walked down the corridor and out of sight.

Lying back down on the bed he lay the shirt on his chest and within moments felt his eye lids grow heavy.

The next morning he woke with a start and for a short moment was slightly disorientated, her scent still lingering which made him think maybe she was there. But soon he recalled seeing her walk away at the airport.

A few moments later the phone on his nightstand started ringing and Dawson scrambled to answer it. “Joey?” He questioned into the phone.

“Hey, sorry to disappoint but it’s me.” James replied. “I’ve been banging on your door for the past few minutes. Would you mind letting me in?

“Yeah, sorry.” Dawson responded before hanging up and making his way to the front door.

“I take it you didn’t get there in time?”

“Not for that flight leaving but she wasn’t on it.”

“So you talked?” James asked and Dawson just nodded as he walked towards the kitchen. “And?”

“She loves me.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“She wants to be with me.”

“Still good.” James looked around as Dawson opened the fridge door and surveyed the contents before extracting a carton of juice. “So why did you think I was Joey when I called? Isn’t she here?”

Dawson shook his head and added. “And she’s pregnant.” James looked surprised. “In that order.”

“The baby is?” He asked as Dawson poured some juice into a glass.

“Mine. Do you want some?”

James shook his head. “I take it you’re in shock at the moment?”

“You could say that.”

“What did you tell Joey?”

“That I loved her, but she knew I had doubts about this, or well, she knew it was a lot to take at once. She told me to take whatever time I needed to think this over.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

Dawson ran his fingers through his ruffled hair. “I don’t know. I love her and I was all set for getting back together but…” He trailed off as he sat on a stool at the breakfast bar. “I wasn’t planning on having to think about a baby in just over seven months.” Dawson was silent for a moment. “So there’s this added pressure for us to make it work because it’s not just our relationship, there’s this whole other person that will be affected.”