Every Word Was A Piece Of My Heart
Part 6 - Tears In Heaven
Karen H.

I continue to sit on his bed, hugging my knees, the tears finally subsiding.

"He had wanted to give that back to you." Gale says entering the room, knocking me from my train of thought. "He came across it the other day in Lily’s room. I’d sent him looking for something." She continues as she walks towards Dawson’s bed. "Five minutes later and he hadn’t come back downstairs yet."

She sits on the bed beside me, a small smile on her lips. "He was standing over Lily’s crib, watching her sleep, occasionally looking at that necklace. I stood watching him...wondering what he was thinking. Yet I didn’t want to disturb him. Actually it was the night you stayed here, just before..." She trails off as I see tears start to form in her eyes.

"Mrs Leery, you don’t have to talk about this." I tell her, placing one hand on her shoulder.

She shakes her head. "No! I want to tell you, it helps to talk about him." She pauses for a moment. "It wasn’t long before you came over. Once he’d come back downstairs I had asked him what he was thinking of and he told me that he’d found that. He said he was thinking about the time he had given that to you." Gale says, gesturing towards the necklace in my hands.

"Why he’d done it. He talked about you, how you’d grown, changed. That he could never see you anywhere other than Worthington."

She wipes a tear from her cheek as she continues. "He said something like, ‘all the pain and hurt we’ve caused each other...it’s nowhere near as much love there is between us. When you think of it like that, love makes everything bearable. We have an easier time remembering only the good times’."

I hear sobbing and only now do I realise that it is coming from me.

"He thought the world of you, Joey. He may never have told you...but he didn’t go back to LA because he wanted to be with you. Neither of you deserved to have these past few years be the way they were...no one deserves this."

She hugs me as I am about to reply to her, then Lily starts to cry down the hall. Gale rises from the bed and walks towards the door. "I’m gonna go check on Lily." She says, exiting the room.

I continue to sit there, surrounded by Dawson as I stare at the necklace, running the cord through my fingers again.

I move the hair off of my neck and put on the necklace, tucking it under my t-shirt as I rise from the bed and place the box back on his desk, surveying the room again before exiting.

********** /center>

The dock outside the Leery house.

As Jen walked across the lawn, Pacey sits on the dock in silence, dangling his feet above the water.

"Hey."

"Hey." Jen says back to Pacey as she sits down beside him. "How are you holding up?"

"I don’t think that even I know the answer to that...I don’t...I...my best friend in the whole world just died, and I don’t think that I feel anything. I’m numb."

"I know how you feel, well kinda." Jen replied before adding, "Do you know that I still half expect him to walk out that front door over there, with a video camera in his hand?" They both smile at that thought. "This doesn’t seem real, does it?"

beyond the dawn
there’s peace I’m sure
and I know there’ll be no more
tears in heaven

Pacey shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing like a funeral to bring the family together...it was the same the last time we were all here together. You, me, Jack, Joey...Dawson..." As Pacey continues a tear falls down his cheek. "Only now Dawson’s never gonna be anywhere else. He’ll always be here in Capeside."

They both sit in silence for a moment.

"I’ll never experience this...rush, that I expected to feel sitting in a movie theater and seeing the words ‘a Dawson Leery Film’...knowing that he’d really hit the big time." Pacey told her. "The world will never know who he was. That he existed. That he dreamed. That he loved."

They both continued to sit there in silence, listening to the flow of the creek.

would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven
would you be the same
if I saw you in heaven
I must be strong and carry on
cause I know I don’t belong here in heaven
*tears in heaven - eric clapton*

"You know it’s weird, Pacey." Jen whispered, interrupting the silence.

He turned to look at her, waiting on her to continue what she was saying. When she didn’t add anything he asked, "What is?"

"The way things are between Joey and I...we’re friends but I...I don’t know how to act around her. I don’t want to be alone in a room with her in case there’s this awkwardness."

"Why would there be?" He asked her.

"I don’t know...cause I somehow played a part in keeping them from being together...when it should have been their shot."

Pacey was silent for a moment, contemplating what she had said.

"I’m sure that Joey doesn’t see it like that...and it certainly wasn’t intentional."

Jen sighed. "That certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t feel as though I’m hurting her by being here."

As they go back to sitting in silence Pacey put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer so that her head was resting on his shoulder.

*to be continued...*

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