I suppose at some point in every woman's life, she begins to build a list of requisites which she needs to have filled by the man of her dreams. My list grows and changes with time, as is natural and to be expected. There are constants, however, which grow deeper with time but are always there.

I want the man to stare endlessly at my mouth when I am speaking because he loves the shape of it, and the sound, and the motion...to get lost in my eyes for so long that I start to feel that tiny bit of feminine self-consciousness. He must always want to be touching me, and never afraid to show his affection in public. I need him to reassure me with no more than a glance that I belong to him, that he worships me, that I am more goddess than mortal in his eyes. I need a man who is curious, adventurous, imaginative. I want him to live for the challenge of learning every little thing that makes me tick. I need him strong, active, self-respecting and confident. Stability is a must, for within a groundwork of stability comes the best kind of spontaneity. I want a man who I can drive crazy with a look or a touch or a word, a man who lets me know that I am affecting him and that he will affect me too...a man with a positively insatiable libido. He must cuddle, take gentle care of and adore me. He must want me completely, and be able to entice me nearly effortlessly. He must be intelligent enough to rival my incessant tongue and carry on an endless intellectual conversation on ANY topic under the sun. He must be able to tell the difference between an invitation, a request and a command. He must take good care of himself in every way, and value his mortality every second. He must look for ways to tease and please me and use them constantly. My man must have beautiful hands...strong, gentle, smooth...

He needs to have a genuine yearning to be a positive contribution to his world. He must respect my work in the highest degree and take pride in what I do and how I do it. He must have a value for the spiritual universe, respect it, revere it, believe in it. He must have an inner magic which he recognizes humbly as well as I do. Mischief behind his eyes and his boyish smile, hair that I love to touch, and a stride that is just short of a cocky strut, although he probably wouldn't know it and might deny it. I want a man who is willing to let me shave his face, who will take a shower with me by candlelight...a man who catches the scent of me from across the room and knows I am coming for him. I want a man who can read my thoughts through my silent eyes because he has studied me for so long that my own consciousness echoes through his own. I need him to notice the tiniest things...that I painted my nails, that I got my hair cut, that I have a bruise somewhere, that I did something subtle and special just for him. I need to be the first priority in his agenda, so that when we have a date it will not be rearranged for any other thing. I need a man who can handle my brutal honesty and not be hurt, a man who is genuinely interested in my feelings. He must be addicted to me, intrigued by me, and love every changing mood and the chaos that lies waiting beneath my smooth surface. I like my man huggable, not to slim... with enough muscle that I can feel it tensing and relaxing, that I can massage it warmly, and a layer of padding on the outside for me to hold onto and cuddle. I like him tall enough that I feel feminine, and short enough that I don't have to reach up to kiss him, or stand on my toes to hold him. He must have a face I can get lost in, and eyes that are intense. He must desire children and be able to love my daughter as his own. He must love to read and think and speak honestly, openly, imaginatively. He must have a voice that is like music to me and makes my heart skip when he speaks my name.

So many of the things I want in a man are relative chaos...the bond between two people that cannot be defined by language, no matter how descriptive. The magic. My order is a high one, but one that I think is very possible. He is out there. He doesn't know I exist yet, and he may have a hard time learning to love me...but he exists. I want more than anything to be waiting for him when he finds me, or to be ready for him when I discover his hiding place. We could meet on the sidewalk, in a supermarket, at a club, through work, online... and when I meet him, I want to see in him immediately the potential for mad, passionate, unbreakable love. I want to be so drawn to him that I have to fight my instincts to keep myself from jumping him. That, in so many words, is my dream man....

January 2000