I remember the sky from my distant past, so blue and open and eager to be flown. It waited, so many sights, so many tastes, pursuits, fascinations, for me to soar through it and take what I would from its vast openness. And I came faithfully, and flew high and long and happily and the sky was mine. And then you came to me.
You with your firm hand, the liquid power of your voice and the will to tame me. Stay wild to the world, yes, I might, but to you I would be a pet and I would call you master. I fought your gentle hand for the shortest time until I realized that I could not fight it, for it was inevitable. You tamed my heart and my wings followed, and I learned to fly only for you. You and no other. And it gave me such joy to fly for you. I loved to feel your eyes on me as I soared, and to know that your strong arm would be waiting for me when you called and I would light there and belong to you.
I was so proud to be yours. I wanted to be the finest, the strongest, the most beautiful in praise of you. I wanted the eyes of the world to name me a prize, for surely you had won me, and I wanted for you to love that ownership.
So I flew for you, every day more your pet, every day belonging more to your will. And then you stopped watching. I would glance down after your arm sent me into flight, and your gaze would be elsewhere, and my heart would break. I thought if I flew higher and faster and more beautifully I could recapture your attention. But it is difficult to soar when the heart is aching, for it is the source of power and freedom which enables flight. So I faltered, and felt shame, and came to land near you. Your arm no longer extended to feel my weight, to support me in my landing and to praise your pet. But I landed as close to you as I could and ached each time for the gentle words of my master. It was for you I flew, after all. I am sure you noticed my growing disappointment. I would try to please you, and when I saw that I did not, I flew more shaken, disturbed and unevenly. I lost the ability to soar, but I remembered how it felt and how much I longed to feel it again. Strange how I knew that the very thing I needed to do to please you was crippled by the fact that I no longer pleased you. And while I believed that if I flew beautifully enough, you would again be proud of me and you would watch and praise, knowing you weren't watching made my flight less free than ever. In times of deep dispair, I would think to myself, he has not yet clipped my wings, I could fly away to freedom or perhaps to the arm of another master who would watch, who would praise, who would glory in my flight. But in that same breath I knew that there was no other master who could make me fly as high. There was no other for whom my heart could soar. There IS no other master, for my heart was captured by you and my wings fly best for your approval.
At this realization, my love, my life, my master, I resolve a new attack. Perhaps you thought I had lost my nature as predator. Perhaps you thought that in taming me, you had dissipated my need to hunt, to taste victory. But no, these still are an undeniable part of my nature which I have chosen to temper for you. Now, my master, I hunt only you. Not to kill, but to taste. Not to destroy, but to please. I will fly for you, but I will also circle low. And I will overshadow the other things that distract you from me with predatory grace. You will see me because I will be the most powerful there is to be seen. You, my master, you will belong to me as much as I to you. For if it cannot be thus, then we are dead, you and I. Then you truly have clipped my wings and darkened my sky, and I cannot allow that to be reality. Your pet I am, but a dangerous pet indeed, and willful. I retain the power to hunt, to kill, to win. And I will win you back, my master and my love. I will win you because I cannot destroy you. I cannot feed upon you and have back the freedom I gave to you willingly. This is not my desire, my place, nor a feat within my power. But I will fight for your pride. I can soar high in flight to please you, but I can also circle low around your head. I will let you see the strength of my wings and notice how near to you I can direct my talons. And I will make you see that my power is for you only, and that no other pet can bring you the pleasure I can, for only I can be your pet. Only I can fly and circle and prey and stir your heart to this level of love. I am yours, yes, but also you are mine. And my flight is now a fight to keep you. I must, and I will. For while you have tamed my heart to your own, my wings are strong and my aim deadly and it is that heart, the heart of my master, which is my most desired prey. I will have it, my love. I will belong to you, and you to me. My claim on you is unbreakable, and you are in my focus. Watch me win your ownership again. Watch as I circle in on your heart and take it for myself and land with total trust in your arms to hear you call me pet again.
