A friend told me yesterday that my confidence was a facade to hide underlying insecurity. For a moment, I didn't know how to respond, and then I realized that sometimes he is right. We think of confidence as a quality to have or not have, and once earned or learned to keep in a small place inside your heart just large enough that it can move up or down a fractional amount, but small enough not to escape unless the heart itself is broken. In reality, confidence is an immeasureable, dynamic fluid like blood or chaos-fire which pulses in and through the mind, heart, body and even spirit of a person's many selves. It is not only unique to the changing self (as every person has alter-egos) but also to the balance of power in a soul and to the fleeting mortal moment. Affected by a stare or glance. Affected by the rising and setting of sun and moon. Affected by company kept, philosophy read, work done or undone. Self-image is perhaps the most dynamic intangeable creature of all. Sometimes I know just how beautiful God created me, and sometimes I accept the compliment of a man because I want to believe in what he sees. Sometimes I speak of my life purpose, spirituality and balance because I am grounded in it, and other times I do so in effort to feel grounded again, to remember a solidarity I have lost. My confidence is an element of the chaos-fire which feeds and fuels and empowers my soul... a soul which moves in no measureable way save relativity. And relativity is perhaps the only tool which can measure a woman's confidence at all. Today I am less confident than yesterday. Today my power is different, and yours?
