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Men's Ideas Sent By Katie G Why do men av ther best ideas during sex? . . . Because they r plugged in2 a fucking genius!	Aids Sent By Mizakhairil A MAN IS DYING OF CANCER.HIS SON ASKED "DAD,WHY YOU KEEP TELLING PEOPLE U ARE DYING OF AIDS???". ANSWER : SO WHEN IM DEAD NO ONE WILL DARE FUCK YOUR MOM.	Get Laid Sent By Baxby Want to get laid? . . . . Well crawl up a chicken's arse and wait!!
Ideal Breakfast Sent By Ev Man's ideal brekkie - son on cover of Times, mistress on cover of Playboy and wife on back of milk carton!	Good 4 U Sent By Wing Nut Wat is the first thing a battered wife does wen she gets home form da hospital?? . . . . she'll do da dishes if she knows wats good 4 her!	Ringer Sent By SteveONick A tramp walks into a jewellers, and starts picking his arsehole. The angry sales asst shouts at him, so the tramp casually points to the sign in the window saying "Come in and pick your ring IN COMFORT!"
Have A Break Sent By Ky Take me to a lonely place. Make sure no1 is watchin. Rip me naked. Hold me by my waist. Tke me to ur lips & have a break im a KIT-KAT. i no wat u were thinkin!!	Priest Sent By Gareth Miller & Wilbert How do u circumcise a priest? . . . slap the choirboy on the back of the head!!	Weight Sent By Jan scientists say the average pair of 38DDs weigh in at 10kgs but theyre still trying 2 work out how heavy a cunt is get yourself on the scales & let them know!!
Elton John Sent By Ev Elton John goes 2 a tattooist & says I want a car tattooed on my cock!Tattooist says what car wud u like? Better make it a 4x4 cos its got a lot of shit 2 get thru!!!	Research Sent By Laura scientists have worked out that a 38DD bust weighs about 15lbs. They are still tyring to work out the weight of a cunt, Can you let them know how heavy you are!!	Dice Sent By Stevonick A gang pull an ilegal imigrant in2 an alley and give him a dice. They tell him if he rolls a 1-5, they give him a kickin'. The Iraqi asks "wot if i get a 6"...The gang reply, U get another go!
Bacon Sent By Alan Emery whats green and smells of bacon . . . kirmit the frogs dick	Major Blunder!! Sent By Mark S. (Sheffield UK) What is grey and smells of curry? . . . John Major's dick !!	Toilet Trouble Sent By Lorna here i sit in leathal vapour as there is no toilet paper, should i sit or should i linger? oh BOLLOCKS ill use my finger!
Ur Mum Loves U Sent By Amy Andrews Ur mum loves you you know! Which is real nice, coz really everyone else thinks ur cunt!!! ;)	Textin' Sent By Alan text messaging is totally safe and will cause no mental illness... if notification is required just ask my pet camel dave.	Dying Sent By Nick HUSBAND:When u die, i'm getting you a head stone that says 'Here Lies My Wife-cold as ever' WIFE: Yeah? yours will read 'Here Lies my husband-stiff at last!!!
Shave Sent By Rednex Paul McCartney has just bought Heather Mills a plane . . . . so she can shave her leg	Only Thing Positive Sent By Orange Hello my name is Bongi!! my Muva is dead n my fathar is a drunk my sista ran away!!! The only thing positive in my life is my HIV!!!	Up 'n' Down Sent By Summer i was scared at 1st it was wide, long & went straight up. ihad 2try it once. i eased myself on2 it. i liked it. i went up and downon it- now i love escalators!
Pregnant Blonde Sent By Blonde Angel What did the blonde say to the doctor when he told her she was pregnant? . . . "Is it mine??"	Tree Sent By Nick Preston it gets longer and fater and so much bigger and it starts to grow things on it....................... u have a dirty dirty filthy mind i was on bout my tree in the garden IDIOT.	Alwight!! Sent By Dynamic Dave It has just been announced that Michael Barrymore is to star in a new comedy called "Only Pools & Corpses"
Ghost Sent By Vikas I hv a confession 2 make!Ever since I've known u,its kinda hard 4 me 24get u.Every nite u appear in my dreams & I find myself shoutin GHOST GHOST..!	Penises and Bankz Sent By luckygal89 2 penises burst in2 a bank shoutin "this is a stick up", with that the vibrator enterd the bank. 1 penis sed 2 da otha "fuk-its robocock	Newsflash Sent By kezamad Michael Barrymore has been found dead with chocolate round his arse. Police have arrested George Michael 4 being careless with his whisper!
Unlucky Sent By Amy Andrews What do u call someone who's day goes from bad to worse? . . . . . . UNLUCKY!!!!!!!!	More Sent By kittie2k I'll grab u, i'll bite u, i'll really excite u, i'll lick u, i'll suck u, i'll totally fuck u, u'll b beggin 4 mercy, beggin 4 more, cos a fuck wiv me is never a bore!!!	Mr. Blobby Sent Tomo mr & mrs blobby are lying in bed 1 night.mrs blobby turns to mr blobby & says "blubba lubba lupblub" mr blobbys turns and says" shut the fuck up and swallow bitch"
Bishops Conference Sent By Ev The recent Bishops conference was a great success..... . . . After dinner dey passed round d under eights	Children Sent By Ev Boy sees his mum riding his dad, she says "I was sittin on his tummy to flatten it" Boy replies "Don't bother, aunty always gets down & blows it up again!"	Men Sent By Ev How do u stop a man breaking in2 ur house? . . . Replace all the doorknobs with bra fasteners
Jungle Sent By Nina There is a urgent meeting in the jungle everyone is there. Lions, tigers, springbuk, but the meeting can't start cos the FUCKING MONKEY is reading this text.	Gay Pub Sent By Maria 3 THINGS NOT TO SAY IN A GAY BAR. 1."FUCK ME IT'S HOT IN HERE" 2."BUGGER ME THIS LAGERS GOOD" 3."CAN I PUSH YOUR STOOL IN?"	Right-handed Sent By Moi A recent UK survey shows that if u r sexually unexperienced and always will be then u will be holding ur fone in ur rite hand...
Chicken and Egg Sent By Summer chicken and egg in bed, chicken has head on headboard smoking, egg rolls over pissed off saying i guess we answerd that question" ;o)	Re-Charge Sent By Summer WHAT HAS MOBILE & A WILLY GOT IN COMMON?..........THEY BOTH NEED TURNING ON B4 THEY WORK, THEY'RE BOTH HAND HELD, & THEY BOTH NEED A COUPLE OF HRS 2 RE-CHARGE!!	3 Sisters Sent By Chris W. 3 SISTERS, ANN MARY & FANNY HAVE BIG FEET, ANN & MARY ARE ON A DATE-1 OF THE BOYS SAYS-JESUS YE HAVE BIG FEET!ANN REPLYS- U SHOULD C OUR FANNY'S THEIR HUGE!
Women Sent By Whats a woman and a prawn got in common? . . . . The heads r full of crap but the pink bit delicious	Monkey Business Sent By Radin Mohd Farhan uk uk ik ik akk akk akk uk uk uk ik ik uk uk uk ....... congratulations!!! u r able 2 speak da monkey language fluently..keep practising	Bra Sizes Sent By The Bounty Hunter Ever wonder why bra sizes uses Alphabets? A Airport runway B Barely there C Can do D Damn good E Excellent F Fake
Don't Look Down Sent By Holly & Daniel 2 men, 1 walking a tightrope, the other getting a blowjob from a 75yr old woman. wat r they both thinkin.. . . . DON'T LOOK DOWN!	Gay Sperm Sent By Future Boy What did one gay sperm say to another? . . . . How do we find an egg in all of this shit!	Lethal Sent By Adam Lennox Lewis has sensationally turned down £48 million to fight Harold Shipman. Lennox said "that fucking jabs lethal!"
Animal Sent By Nina Wot kind of animal has a cunt halfway up its back? . . . . a police horse!	Your Double Sent By Mick Just met your double. I swear it was U. I even shouted ur name. U just ingnored me + carried on poking your finger up your arse and eating your banana !	Filthy Granny Sent By Aaron Burton A boy says 2 his mum. "Y has nan got a prune hangin from her fanny". His mother says "It's not a prune it's her clitoris". He replies "Fuckin tastes like a prune".
1st Timer Sent By Oz man walks in2 a pub orders a drink and sits down looking upset.the barman says wots up mate 2 which the man replies,i got my 1st blowjob 2day,y are u so upset the barman replies 2 which the man says,i cant take the fucking taste outta my mouth!!!	Cure Sent By Oz there is a new cure out for `aids`its called parkinsons disease: you shake it off in a week	Nice Ass Sent By Stevie I think i should tell u what people r saying behind ur back... . . . ..NICE ASS!!!
Taliban Underwear Sent By Nicholas L How does a member of the Taliban figure out how to put on underwear? . . . . Brown to the back, yellow to the front!	Mommy Sent By Wrexham A. F. C Mommy, Mommy! Can I wear a bra now? I'm 16.... . . . . Shut up, Albert !	ALCOHOL WARNING Sent By The Rob Consumption of alcohol may cause you tell the same story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
Not A Hallmark Moment Sent By The Rob Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... . . . . . . . What was i thinking....	Rhino Sent By SteveoNick Why is your mum like a rhino? . . . . . Because she charges too much	Rupert Sent By Steve Phillips Why does Rupert the Bear wear checkered trousers? . . . . Cos he's a cunt !