Over the period of the last five millennia, nearly all tombs of ancient Egypt have been plundered by yours truly, me. Ever wonder how I did it?

Before running into some random tomb trying to snatch as much gold as possible before getting captured, the novice tomb robber should know some basic things: Tombs can and will cave in unexpectedly. Tombs are heavily guarded. And the most valuable of relics are no where near the front entrance. Once you know how to solve these problems, you�ve basically earned the right to steal from a tomb that�s on my turf.

To get a map of a tomb, one must first have friends in high places, or know how to bribe them. Builders of the said tomb you wish to rob are usually the most helpful. With a little persuasion, they�ll hand over a map of the tomb. Once you get a map, go check out the site, but never, ever, go in with out supplies. For now, you are just evaluating how many guards there are. Try to bribe the guards into letting you in. For example, offer them 10% of the profit.

Oh, and, by the way, if you�re reading this, you had better be in shape and up to alot of running.

When you�ve successfully found a good way to get into the tomb, head back home and look for all possibly allies. You�ll need only one or two loyal associates in this, so choose selectively. You�ll need someone younger than you by a bit, so they�ll fit through smaller places, and you�ll need someone who is more afraid of you than getting killed... that second person will be the one you�ll hire to be a distraction for the guards.

In my day, I choose Mariku because he was younger than me by exactly half a year. We actually were a good team. The best part was, Mariku was the son of one of the pharaoh�s officials. (see, friends in high places)

Anyways, you�ll need supplies. Not totally necessary to buy them, you can go ahead and steal them, I really don�t care how you get a hold of them. You�ll need a rope, an easy to carry over-the-shoulder bag that will hold everything you steal, something heavy to bash holes in walls, and a small knife of some sort for convenience in handling uncooperative others.

This may all sound a little harsh to some, but if you don�t have the gut for it, don�t be a tomb robber. Tomb robbing is actually a highly profitable career (if you want to call it that). The stakes for getting caught are high, and its a risky business. I think there�s still a high price to pay if you get caught, but I promise you, with all the gold you steal will add up enough to the point where you�ll be richer than the pharaoh.

To choose the perfect time to got tomb robbing, I suggest you do it at night. Its cooler outside, the guards are half asleep, and the cover of darkness will allow you to freak people out better. After tomb robbing for such a long time, it has heightened my senses to the point where I can sense people enter a room in my sleep. Its handy, especially if someone ever tries to assassinate you.

Oh, by the way, once having robbed a tomb successfully, never brag about it. Let no one know it has been done. The less the common folk know the better because they�ll tell the pharaoh, and what he doesn't know will benifit you.