Shop 'till you Drop!
 by Darya
Fashion survivor challenge: The San Fernando Valley


from Girltalk Magazine Volume 4, No. 1
photos by Gina Lance
copyright Girl Talk Magazine:
used by permission

 

"Darya…?? It's Gina.What's the cheapest outfit you've ever put together?"

This was my Editor, Gina Lance, speaking. It was typical big magazine Editor stuff. In a classic Film Noir, we would have been in her corner office overlooking the Big City skyline. We were, in truth, talking over two bad cell phone connections.
"Well the side-slit mini I wore with the red platforms, that almost got me arrested."
 I replied. I began to tell her about the four-inch hoop earrings when the phone went dead. She redialed me after I passed through a tunnel on Cahuenga.

"Darya. I was talking about money…"

Don't get me started, I thought. Looking beautiful, or even acceptable, costs a fortune for genetically born woman, let alone some of us who are broad shouldered, hairy-legged wannabes. I pressed Gina to define her terms. I could spend $2.00 for a trash bag and flip-flops and call it an outfit. In fact, That would be an improvement of some outfits I'd seen on the bar circuit recently.
Meow.

Gina then challenged me take the "Fashion Survivor Challenge" and put a passable outfit together for under $100 in less than a week. "Do I get to keep the change?" I quipped.

"That's your salary!"

Gina said, in the tradition of wisecracking editors everywhere. I lost the connection while as I passed Universal City.
Later, over land lines, we set down the ground rules. I told Gina I wouldn't do it if I had to include a wig, too, that would make it impossible. She thought it was a great idea to include a wig. Why do I always provide too much information?

"I know you can do it, Darya,"

she said, patronizingly .
"Bitch." I thought.
The outfit had to include a wig, shoes, skirt, top, stockings, basic foundations, and accessories. Oh yeah, and nail polish. I had to stay within the San Fernando Valley, and stay away from any of the traditional suppliers for the TG community.
I can drop a C-note on one shoe, if I want it badly enough, but spotty employment and an obsessive personality can make one into a fierce scrounger. I pumped up my courage and my breast forms and I took it on.
Fashion Survivor: The VALLEY!! Downsize, Accessorize, Improvise.
Well, I'm the only tribe member, so let's just call me GLAMAZON.

Day One: Women's shoes in size fourteen are truly a bitch to find. When you find them, they are either Birkenstocks or nine-inch platforms in Gold Lame'. I began my search for shoes on the Internet. Payless shoes tend to run large, and I can, in fact, squeeze into a pair of their size 12W evening sandals. To my great good fortune, all of their boots were on sale for $19.99, and delivery was free if they sent it to a store in my neighborhood. I was betting the house, but I went ahead and ordered a pair of calf-length stretch boots in 13W. I got an order confirmation from www.payless.com immediately. OK, I thought, we'll build this outfit from the feet up. On the way home from work, I stopped by Burlington Coat Factory at Victory and Fallbrook. Burlington is a great store, with great bargains, especially on bags and purses. I've picked up killer evening bags there for $6.99; it's like the ultimate outlet. Unfortunately, The bag I was looking for needed to be a little bit of casual trendy, and most of those were about $19.99.I needed to conserve my energy and my money. Glamazon needed her beauty sleep, too.

 

Day Two: I worked late, but Target is open until ten. I love a lot of their clothes, but I mostly love their sales. I was in luck that night, because they had a bin of undies with my favorite fluorescent orange deep discount tags on them. The only test of my integrity was whether the bra and panty needed to match. I sure as hell wasn't going to model them. Unfortunately for me, my double Libra temperament will not allow me to wear mismatched dainties. I found a cute pair of pink satin panties in size seven (yes, like so many of us girls, I'm a 2X up north and an "L" down south. Blame genetics.) for $1.99, and a lacy pink bra for $6.99. I was out the door for fewer than ten bucks. YES! Team GLAMAZON RULES!

Day Three: I have a one-day layoff, so Darya her Bad Self gets to shop today. I check my shemail in the morning and sure enough, payless.com confirms that my order was shipped the day before. So where was I going to find a freaking cheap wig in the valley? My dependable sources of cheap wigs have always been on Hollywood Blvd., where the price would begin at $80.00 and end at "How much you have? No tax." Immigrants always know how to deal. I went to Wilshire Wigs, a great store in NoHo on Craner Street near Magnolia. This place can fool you from the outside, but it has a LOT to offer on the inside. For one, it's only store around where you can snatch a wig off of a foam head and try it on in a private room with a mirror. Their prices are very fair, and the ladies who work there are extremely helpful and knowledgeable as well as funny and cheerful. It may have just been the charm of me being a 6'3" redhead, but they managed to find me a decent longish red wig close out in their bargain wig department. Out the door for thirty bucks and change.
On up the road to Panorama City; another neglected fashion center of The Valley. In a mall around Victory and Laurel Canyon is my personal courtier, Plus Size Dress Up. In most stores, any clothing over XL for women is usually shaped like a tent and has a picture of a flower on it. This store caters to mainly Hispanic and African women, who don't automatically equate emaciation with sex and fashion. The clothes at Plus Size are shamelessly sexy and body fitting, at least up to 3X. The Korean ladies that run the place are very efficient and businesslike, and they have a huge stock of clothing and accessories. The woman I think is the owner finally seems to be getting a connection between the tall redhead and that guy in jeans and a T-shirt who seems to inspect the sizes so carefully.
I found a very smart long skirt in black polyester for $11.99 that I decided would look smashing with my new boots, if they ever came. They also had some black fishnets for sale for $1.99, so I bought them too. Fishnets are now trendy: they finally caught up with me. My total was close to seventy bucks if I included tax, and I decided to slow down. I stepped out of Plus Size and casually strolled the rest of the Mall. Outside of a T-shirt store, there was a pink leopard patterned top on sale for four bucks in 2X. The Gods of Cheap were with me. What an exhausting day. Gina owed me a story on a Spa, after this.

Day Four: Worked late, no time for fashion; took bubble bath. My world is a jungle.

Day Five: I'm now officially freaked out about my Boots. What the hell was I thinking? No word from Payless. I call the store, and they tell me my order will be confirmed via email. After work, I make another pass at my favorite Mall at Victory and Laurel. I check out a new store, a couple months old, called Amuse'. I'm floored; they have very cute accessories at absurdly low prices. I buy a cute woven fabric purse for 7.99, two bracelets for three dollars, and a set of clip earrings for a dollar. I now have it made for well under a hundred. I go next door to the 99-Cent Store and buy some purple nail polish ("Grapealicious") for, well, 99 cents.


Day Six: No Email. I want to cry. I drive blindly to the store in Woodland Hills that I list as my delivery point, biting my lip. I curse Gina, I curse the Magazine, I curse the Stupid Survivor whatever the thing is I'm doing and I feel like a damn fool for trusting Payless and the Internet, not necessarily in that order. There's one woman employee in the store, sorting Wingtips on aisle five. She cheerfully asks if she can help me. I show her the last email from payless.com that I've printed out as a proof of sale. She shakes her head. "Some stuff came today but I don't recall seeing these. I'll check for you though.." I can cheat, I think. I'll buy the boots in size twelve, if I can find them. I can always go down to MLK and Vermont again; they had a WALL of size 12 and 13. The nice young lady reappears. "I have them. You're in luck!" No kidding. And I'm $2.48 richer. I survived the Valley and put an outfit together for $97.52. Like I've always said:
You don't have to spend a fortune to look cheap!!!



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