| the.shiz.nizzle |
| THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW, AND PROLLY DON'T NEED TO KNOW *A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. *A snail can sleep for three years. *All polar bears are left handed. *American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. *Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. *An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. *Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. *Butterflies taste with their feet. *Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10. *China has more English speakers than the United States. *Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants. *Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. *February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. *If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. *Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. *Marilyn Monroe had six toes. *No word in the English language rhymes with month. *Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. *Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. *Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. *Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'. *Starfish haven't got brains. *The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. *The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. *The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. *The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with. *The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan'. *The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. *There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. *TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. *Women blink nearly twice as much as men. And finally... *You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider, or a shark that is drunk. ...k... so i added the shark thing.. |
Q. What's the speed limit of sex? A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around. Q. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? A. She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!" Q. Why is air a lot like sex? A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy? A: She's withholding evidence. Q. What's the difference between light and hard? A. You can sleep with a light on. Q. Why is sex like a bridge game? A. You don't need a partner if you have a good hand. Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One. . . Men will screw anything. Q. No, for real, how many men does it take to change a light bulb? A. Men shouldn't be afraid of the dark. |
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| heh heh...here's a little story that i found amusing... assume yer a girl if yer a guy...k? FIRST TIME It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all,it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinkin' ? PERVERT |
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| QUIZ Here is a very simple little test comprised of three questions to determine the level of your intellect. Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting time. And no cheating. 1: You are competing in a race, and overtake the runner lying in second place. In which position are you now? ............... ............... ............... ............... Answer: If you answered that you're now coming first then you�re completely wrong. You overtook the second runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second. For the next question try not to be so dim. 2 : If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in? ............... ............... ............... ............... Answer: If you answered second-last, once again you're completely wrong. Think about it...How can you over take the person coming last? If you're behind them then they can't be last. The answer is impossible!! It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points. Today is clearly not your day!! Although you should manage to get the last question right... 3: Marie's father has five daughters: 1. Chacha 2. Cheche 3. Chichi 4. Chocho 5. ???? Question: What is the fifth daughter's name? ............... ............... ............... ............... Think quickly...you'll find the answer below... ............... ............... Answer: Chuchu??? WRONG! It's obviously Marie! Read the question properly! |
| History repeats itself anyway - plagarism saves time. |
| heh heh...i luv that.. |
| *A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably hasn't understood the seriousness of the situation. *Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment. *Go the extra mile - It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. *TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself. |
| CUTE SAYINGS *It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl. *Man who jizz in cash register come into money. *Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. *Man who fart in church must sit in own pew. *Man who finger girl having period get caught red-handed. *Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam. *Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. *Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly.finger. *Learn to masturbate--come in handy. *Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone. |
| WORST PICK UP LINES *Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? *Your name must be Visa, because you're everywhere I want to be. *Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine. *I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house. *If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. *If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together. *Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day! *Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? |
| WHAT MOVIES TEACH US. *Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe. *Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. *If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. *Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now. *Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it. *Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames. *The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job. *A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium. *Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. *Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology. *Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. *It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. *Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. *All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. *It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. *A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. *If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. *Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization (especially a Macintosh snicker, snicker!!). *It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. *When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. *No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. *Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. *When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. *You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. *Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. *An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child. *Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on. |
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| PAY ATTENTION Students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that it is necessary that you don't get disgusted." The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people." |
| SECRETS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE! 1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans. 2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex. 4. It is important that these three women never meet.. |
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| ONE OPENING LEFT A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications & said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," the man said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!". |