| 15 things you would NEVER hear a redneck say... |
| 15. Oh, i just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen. 14. I'll take Shakesphere for 1000, Alex. 13. Duct tape won't fix that. 12. We don't keep firearms in this house. 11. You can't feed that to the dog. 10. Honey, did you mail that donation to Green Peace? 9. We're vegetarians. 8. Do you think my gut's too big? 7. Too many deer heads distract from the decor. 6. I just couldn't find anything at Wal*Mart today. 5. I've got it all on the C drive. 4. She's too young to be wearin' a bikini. 3. The tires on that thing are too big. 2. Checkmate. 1. Nope, no more for me, i'm driving home tonight. |
| A Letter from a Redneck to her son.... |
| Dear Son, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents occur twenty minutes from home, so we moved. I can't mail you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in there, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time, and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it might be too heavy to send in the mail with those heavy buttons on it, so i cut them off and put them in the pockets. Not much news this time. If you don't get this, let me know and I will be sure to send another. Love Ma |
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