| Funny Quotes |
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"There's so much polution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all." -Robert Orben "Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies." -Adrienne Gusoff "If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either." -Dick Cavett "An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex." -Edgar Wallace "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes, he'll even tell the truth." -Patrick Murray "When a man steals your wife, there's no better revenge than to let him keep her." -Sacha Guitry "You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone." -Al Capone "It's not enough to succeed. Others must fail." -Gore Vidal "You can't have everything. I mean, where would you put it?" -Steven Wright "Where there is no patrol car, there is no speed limit." -Peter Beckmann "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." -Woody Allen "I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five people, it's fantastic." -Woody Allen "What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? "Honey, I'm home." " -Ken Hammond "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural things money can buy" -Steve Martin "I'm a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." -Woody Allen |
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| Boy George is all England needs-- another queen who can't dress. -Joan Rivers |
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| I think people should be free to engage in any sexual pratices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though. -Elton John |
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| It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. -Marylyn Monroe |
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Annonymous quotes "Never frown. You don't know who's falling in love with your smile." "The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them, knowing you can't have them." "Love is like an antique. You need to cherish it, because you might never find it again." "A bitch is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on a tree. Tree is a part of nature, and nature's beautiful. So in that case, thanks for the compliment." *Love is a sensation, that creates a temptation. When a guy sticks his location, up a girl's destination. To increase the population, for the next generation. Do you get my explanation, or do I have to give you a demonstration?" "Men are like parking spaces...all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicap." "They say love hides behind every corner, I must be walking around in circles." "Absence makes the heart search for a new presence." "If there's a wheel, there's a way." "Birds of the same feathers are the same birds." "Love may not make the world go round, but it makes the ride worth while." "Some people are born stupid, others just practise." "The faster you fall behind the more time you have to catch up." "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars" "Yesterday is experience. Tomorrow is hope. Today is getting from one to the other as best we can." "Friends are people who help you be more yourself." "Once over the hill, you pick up speed." "I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food." "Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. " "Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film." "Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. " "Some days are a total waste of makeup." "If the shoe fits......buy it in every color. " "If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out." "Age is a very high price to pay for maturity." "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." "Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity." "If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before." "My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. " "Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. " "It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. " "For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program." "If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. " "Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks." "A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand." "Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. " "Opportunities always look bigger going than coming." "Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. " "Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again." "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself." "Psychoanalysis means saying one thing and meaning your mother." |