Odd jokes

hee hee...these are good...

One day three nuns were sitting on this park bench and this guy jumps out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first one had a stroke, the second one had a stoke, but the third one's arm wasn't long enough.

(now you really have to think about this one)
what is 40 feet long and smells like urine?

line dancing at the nursing home.

Q: what is a 6.9?

A: it's a 69 interupted by a period. ;) ;)

Did you hear about the 80 pound guy with 40 pound testicles?

people say he's half nuts.

    A man woke up every morning and passes gas. After nine years of marriage, the wife became quite annoyed and said "If you keep farting, you're going to fart your guts out."
     The next day, the wife went to the butcher and got some pig scraps and put them in her husbands pants so when he woke up, he wouldn't do it anymore.
     He woke up and went across the hall to the bathroom, and after two very long hours he came out and stated: " Honey, you were right about me farting my guts out, but with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers, i managed to get 'em back in there.

what do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

they're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.

when i die, i want to go peacefully, like my grand-
father---not screaming like the passengers of his car.

to home

Q. What is 72?

A. 69 with 3 people watching.

    A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are too small. "Does this shirt make them look bigger?" "Does this shirt make them look smaller?" she would ask.
    Her husband grew very annoyed, but everyday, told her that they were beautiful.
    One night, while he was trying to sleep, she was rampaging through her closet trying on shirts. "Does this one make them look bigger?" "Does this one make them look smaller?" she would ask.
    The husband soom became VERY annoyed.
    "I know what will make them bigger." he said.
    "What?" she asked.
    "Take some toilet paper and rub it between them."
     "How long will that take?" she asked
     "Oh, they will expand over the years." he responded.
    " How do you know?"
     " i dunno, but it sure worked on your ass didn't it?"

Q. who made the first soda?

A. Adam--He made Eve's cherry pop.

    A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."
     "Yeah, what happened?" ask his friend.
     The first guy replies, "well, er, i got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."

There were two elderly people who lived in a nursing home, and usually spent their afternoons together watching television. They would often lie in a bed and she would hold his pecker, although she wouldn't do anything more with it.
One daym she's walking down the hall an she passes the room of another female resident. To her surprise, she sees her boyfriend lying on the bed and another woman is holding his pecker.
She storms into the room and shouts, "I thought we had something going for us! Is she better looking than me?!? Is she younger?!? What does she have that i don't?!?
The old man looks up and remarks with a grin, "Parkinsons."