~*Chapter 1*~

Chapter 10

Walker searched through the dusty old boxes in the attic desperately praying that he would find the old blue, leather trunk. After Jordan died, they locked all the parts of him they could not bear to burn; his pictures, his paintings, his prose, in that old leather trunk and put him away in the attic of the house, hoping to be able to shut him up in the attic of their minds. Walker needed to find these things now, and was sorrier than he had ever been for placing Jordan�s life in a box and trying to forget.

After last night he had come to realize fully how much Taylor needed to know about his namesake. To act as he acted now was careless and there had been enough carelessness when Jordan died for even the most ignorant fool to realize that there was no room for carelessness when it meant someone�s life. Until last night though, he was that ignorant fool. He had been that ignorant fool for nearly eighteen years. He had spent Taylor�s whole childhood being too afraid to look at him, too afraid to hold him, too afraid to love him. Walker wondered now if he could still make up for all the years he�d wasted pushing himself away from Taylor. All he had received from Walker was a lifetime of neglect and those memories, and the feelings that come attached with them do not often fade away quickly. Sometimes they never fade at all. He wanted to make it right. At this point, he�d do anything, even go through the pain of losing his brother again, to make right eighteen years of wrongs. Walker lifted on more crate and below it was an old, musty leather trunk, with a lock that had rusted shut. He took the hammer from his pocket and took a deep breath before prying the lock open. He lifted the lid and was greeted with a fresh cloud of dust and an intense wondering of how he would explain the life in this box to his son.

* * * * * * * * * * *

It was a cold, black Tulsa night. The Hanson house is completely silent. Taylor relishes the sound that he has not heard in so long; the ring of silence. At five-thirty Diana went to visit her sister, and took all children under thirteen with her. Zac was sleeping at his friend Joe�s house and Taylor had no idea where Isaac had gone to, nor did he care. His father who seemed to have words resting heavy in the back of his throat, had hovered around Taylor for most of the evening, but vanished not too long ago needing some fresh air. Taylor was glad they were gone. He needed to be alone. He�d made a very important decision.

He took the large manila envelope and placed it on his pillow beside the lyrics to a sad 3 Doors Down tune called �Loser� that he had come to feel had been written about him. But all that was about to change you see, for tonight was the last black Tulsa night he would ever see. There would be no more nights and no more tears for Taylor.

He shut the door and picked up the glass of water from his dresser. He was surprised when his hands did not shake. There was a bottle of painkillers in the drawer from the time his mother had surgery on her knee. She hated the drugs and she never took one, so the bottle was full. He turned off the light, took a deep breath and swallowed the first pill.

�There, that isn�t so hard,� he thought. Before he knew exactly what he was he'd taken ten pills . He didn�t feel so well now. He went to lie back on the bed when he realized he was already lying down. He felt cold, but his clothes were drenched with sweat and he suddenly realized that now he was shaking. His stomach was performing back-flips and he wondered if he was going to throw up the pills, and if he should be glad to do so. Taylor�s eyelids felt heavy and he could no longer hold them up.

He fought to stay awake and fought to feel, wondering if he would feel this were a mistake, if he could feel anything. His thoughts were jumbled, and he was too scared to stay awake one moment longer. The darkness swallowed him whole, and he was safe.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Walker returned home. He didn�t want to be out any longer; avoiding Taylor wasn�t going to make talking to him any easier. His house was more silent than he ever remembered it being. There always seemed to be a baby crying, or children laughing, or fighting within these walls. At any other time the silence might have scared him, but he knew tonight he should be glad for it. It would make it so much easier to talk to Taylor that way. But he didn�t feel right.

That�s why he�d rushed home. He knew he had to tell Taylor now. His heart pounded in his chest as he opened the door to his room. It was dark inside.

�Taylor?� he called softly, �Are you in here?�

Walker received no response, but the sound of faint breathing. Breathing that almost wasn�t. He flipped the light switch on quickly almost knowing what he would find when the circuit connected. Taylor was laid on his side on the bed; if you ignored the vomit on the comforter you might have sworn he was asleep.

Walker picked up the phone that sat on Taylor�s nightstand and called 911. The operator told him that an ambulance would be there in minutes.

�Is he breathing, sir?�

�Yes��

�Alright, that�s very good. If at anytime he stops before the paramedics get there I want you to do CPR, do you know how to do CPR sir?�

�Yes��

�Alright very good sir,� the operator�s monotonous voice said, �Now I want you to stay with me.�

He hung up anyway. He couldn�t bear to hear her voice another moment. Where were the damn paramedics? He knew he shouldn�t have gone out tonight. He felt tears begin to slide down his cheeks and he decided to bring Taylor outside. There was no time to be wasted. He grabbed the envelope that was on Taylor�s pillow and shoved it in his pocket. He picked Taylor up and noticed that in his hand he was clutching an empty bottle of pills; Painkillers.

As he neared the front door he heard the sirens squeal and three paramedics rushed off the ambulance. They snatched Taylor from his arms and laid him out on a stretcher. They took his vitals and prodded him with strange metal instruments before loading him into the van.

One young, dark haired paramedic beckoned Walker to get in the ambulance and asked him, �Do you know what he took?�

Walker said nothing, but handed him the bottle of painkillers.

�Alright,� he said, �He�s in good hands now. Don�t you worry. I promise you sir, he won�t die in my ambulance.�

�Thank you.� Walker said softly, trying to hold back his tears as he watched the other two paramedics continue to administer drugs and take vitals.

�What�s his name?� the paramedic asked Walker carefully.

�Taylor,� Walker said not being able to contain his tears any more.

The paramedic put his hand on Taylor�s forehead, �Hey Taylor. Everything is gonna be a-okay, I promise you, but you gotta stay with us buddy. Your dads here with you, and he loves you and he doesn�t want to see you hurt yourself, so please stay with us Taylor. We�re gonna help you buddy, I promise. We ain�t gonna let nothing hurt you anymore and we are gonna make sure you are alright, but you�ve gotta hang with us buddy.�

Walker watched as the sainted man pep-talked his son into keeping his heart rate up as if he were pep-talking him to score a touchdown in the Super Bowl. They screeched into the parking lot at the emergency room and the two paramedics who had worked on Taylor through out the entire ride brought him through a set of swinging doors that said in bold red letters �Medical Personal Only�.

Walker barely noticed the dark haired paramedic guiding him into the waiting room. He sat down beside him.

�Do you have some family to call?�

Walker nodded, �My wife�but I don�t know how�How I�m going to tell her this.�

The paramedics dark eyes met Walkers, �If it would be easier for you all I could call her.�

�That is awfully nice of you,� Walker said giving the man a sad smile, �But it would probably scare her more if you called.�

�I understand, but may I make a suggestion?�

�Sure.�

�I would just tell her that Taylor had an accident as calmly as you can. Don�t get into the details on the phone with her. It will be a lot easier for her to hear face to face.�

�Okay,� Walker said hoarsely, �Thank you for everything.�

�Just doing my job,� he smiled, �I�ll keep Taylor in my prayers tonight.�

�Thank you,� Walker said carefully, feeling as if he already knew the answer to the question he would ask, �May I ask your name?�

�Jordan Robinson.�

Walker gave a half smile, �Good-night Jordan.�

�Good-night Walker. Taylor�s going to be all right, you hear? You just take care of him.�

Walker turned and put twenty-five cents into the pay phone and dialed the first three digits of his sister-in-law�s phone number before his fingers stopped cold. How did that boy know his name was Walker? He spun around, but the man was gone. Walker dialed the last four digits to the number and he could hear Jordan�s question ringing in his ears, �Are you taking good care of my nephew?�

�I wish I was,� Walker whispered to himself as he heard the ringing in the phone come to an abrupt end as someone answered the phone.

Go to Chapter Eleven
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1