I think of you, when the world becomes to much for me to handle. You were always there pushing me to strive for more, helping me survive. I try to recall everything about you. Your look, your laugh, your voice, your touch, but the memory of you fades more each day.

New people yern for my attention now and though I try to give it to them many times I fail. I don't understand how you used to pull it off. Putting everyone else's feelings before yours.

Everyday I recite your name in my head for fear I might forget it. If I did I don't believe I could ever forgive myself. I only succed in remembering any of you because I no longer recall any of myself.

Its odd that because of my new status I could forget who I truly was before. All I remember is running and hiding. Feeling frozen and broken as though I'd die any second. And then warm hands about me, heat corsing through my flesh.

All my memories begin there, except those of you. They are the only memories I can hold onto any longer in my current form. With the strangers around me who have become my shelter, my refuge, my family.

Such a large shabby place they live. Every corner has a nook every nook a crevace every crevace a crack. The place seems to be pilled high with unneeded, unused things and the the place is crowded with people. Nine bodies fit into the magical house.

I dream of you on soft beds of worn quilts and ripped shirts. Hand me downs and broken things lay beside me on the floor. I try to hold your memory with me as they carry me about.

They all remind me of you in there own ways. Especailly the third born. He's who owns me now, though he wasn't the one who saved me. The one who saved me had callosed fingers and a larger comanion. Identical to one another though totally different. The older boys in the family. No, this one is differnt. He always has his head in a book and though it may not seem so to anyone else he holds the worlds problems on his shoulder as you once did.

I close my eyes at times, when I lay beside him, listening to him breath and pretend its you. I remember nights a fear and pain when the moon was full and your world was comprised of blood. I remember those times when the others and I would rest beside you and sleep long into the night.

But I also remember when we used to run. Run far into the dark woods and you would slow to keep pace with me. I sometimes go out with the younger ones two boys of identical looks and mentalitys and a younger boy who strives to be just like them. I run with him as I used to with you to keep in pace with him, so he won't be alone.

At times I sit with the youngest a small girl. She tells me everything, her dreams, her secrets, her desires and I try and hold onto the memory of your voice and nights when you would do the same.

I wish for you every waking hour and dream of you every dark night. That you may one day return to me. That we can one day be together again. And maybe then you can remind me of who I am, of who I used to be. For all I can recall is you. And all I want is to feel whole again.