January 18 2002

Crude Joke: Q What's better than winning the special Olympics?
A Not being retarded.

Yes I know it is quite rude and definitely not politically correct, however
it also offers a little truth. If you worked where I work, you would know
what I am talking about. You don't work here, so I will tell you because
that is the type of swell guy I am.

We had a company wide meeting. It was held at the very nice hotel
across the street from us. Very impressive. There was food and drink
of course, I can't remember the last time this company wasted an
opportunity to fatten us up. There were proud declarations of what our
company meant to the consumer: Service, Pride, Honor.....

What a crock of shit.

Anyway I hate all of these company meetings because it forces
me to sit next to someone I really have no intention of interacting with.
Thank god Acebugh took the seat next to me, otherwise I'd be forced
to sit next to the Corporate Gods of Ass kissing who expect nothing
less than my soul on a silver platter.

Let me paint you a picture. I'm sitting in a large group of people
whose life ambition is to someday have official sounding names like
SUPERVISOR , MANAGER, ASSISTANT DIRECTOR. Suddenly,
the lights dim. You can cut the anticipation with a knife. A bright flame
is lit, a torch, and we can barely see it off in some hallway. A million
questions run through our minds as we wonder who is carrying the torch.
Is it Mohammad Ali? Is it one of the hero firefighters from New York?
Is it Mario Lemieux? It must be someone VERY prestigious, because
why else would they even DARE to imitate the Olympic Games?
The games which symbolizes peace and partnership throughout the
entire world. They wouldn't just shit on that, would they?
So we wait to see what glamorous celebrity will walk into the room....

and we get....

::drum roll::

A midget with a southern accent carrying a torch.

I could feel the puke forming in the throat.
He is our president. He just took over the company. He has that
sort of southern accent that makes you know he's a sleazy
oil tycoon deep down, a Jerry Jones of the corporate world. And this
circus he has put up is just as degrading and his company.

I sat there, wishing I had stun gun or tazer to shock the little
guy out of his presidential shoes.

And as the meeting ended, and the rest of the company began to
gorge themselves like starved cattle on the sandwiches they provided
I knew for the first time why some people go postal. In a world
full of mindlessness, sometimes its really the only sane thing to do.