December 14, 2001

 Exhausted. Burnt out.  Hung over.
 Welcome to my world.

 Not much new on the work front.  We got to make Christmas stockings
 the other day.  That was nice.   Nothing Is more rewarding than doing
 something I sucked at back in the 4th grade.  Now I get the
 humiliation all over again as I paste my snowman's hat on crooked.
 I've never been very good at arts and crafts.  Didn't think I'd have to
 be when I signed up for a MORTGAGE COMPANY.  Go figure.

 Oh oh oh.....almost forgot.   The ex was hired.  Yes, that's right.
 I really think they are probing my mind, looking for ways to make this
 job even more torturous.  Hiring my ex girlfriend and having her train
 in the cube next to me was a nice touch.  Having to look at her
 looks of utter hatred makes it even better.  Ah....life.  Always full
 of surprises.

 I feel like a zombie.  I swear I can hear my pulse drop as soon as I
 arrive
 to the building.  Leave your identity at the door and join the rest of the
 hive.  Watch as we swarm for no real purpose whatsoever.
 What we do is the exact opposite of being productive.   The exact
 opposite of what human beings are supposed to do.

 We sit.  For nine hours a  day we sit.  We stare into an electronic
 box and sit.  This is my job.  This is my life.   Have a merry fucking
 Christmas.

 I think about how it must feel to be a farmer.  To work hard, outside
 everyday
 and when its all said and done, you see the fruits of your labor.
 You are creating.  You are producing life through your shovel, your seed,
 your.......whatever the fuck farmers use, I'm not a farmer, ok?
 But the point is it must be very rewarding work.  That's a life I think.
 That's what we were meant to do.

 It would not seem so bad, if I thought that others here felt the same way.
 But they don't.  They like what they are doing.  I hate them for it.
 Because to enjoy this work, there really can be only one word for you.
 Evil.
 And its something I don't really believe in.  But I guess, in this case
 its true.

 I have to go now.  2 more hours of staring at my electronic box
 and I get to go home.

 Yay.