Loving-kindness
By
Rev Xin-Xing, Bodhi Monastery, New Jersey
This is the final lecture of my 10-lecture series on dependent origination. Today I chose loving-kindness as the topic to conclude the whole series.
Why loving-kindness? Through the understanding of dependent origination, the three unwholesome roots will lose their ground. Through the practice of mindfulness in morality, and the four foundations of mindfulness, we will gain wisdom and Nibbana. We will be selfless. Hence we will be able to embrace all beings. We will be able to let go of our hatred, ill-will, and treat all beings as our friends. A twinkling of smile will come out from our eyes whenever we see people around us and a benevolent attitude will flow from our hearts spontaneously. Just as a flower emits its fragrance indifferent to those who love it or hate it, we will treat all beings with an equanimous attitude.
1. The Pali word for loving-kindness is metta, which is derived from mid, to soften, to love. Therefore, that which softens the mind, or friendly disposition is metta. Metta is not carnal love or affection. The direct enemy of metta is hatred or ill-will, its indirect enemy is affection (pema). Metta embraces all beings without exception. The culmination of metta is the identification of oneself with all beings. In a word, metta is the sincere wish for the good welfare of all. It disregards ill-will.
2. There is a difference between loving-kindness and compassion (karuna).
Loving-kindness is the wish for all beings to be happy. It emphasizes the giving of happiness to all beings. Whereas compassion emphasizes the wish for all beings to be free from suffering. That which makes the heart feel heavy and hurt in those who are good when others are afflicted with sorrow is compassion. That which dissipates the sufferings of others is compassion. Its direct enemy is wickedness (Himsa), and its indirect enemy is grief (domanassa). Compassion embraces sorrow-afflicted beings. It discards cruelty.
1. What is the meaning of being able to
love? When we are greedy or angry, we
are not able to love others. So, it
takes the understanding that our existence depends on other beings. From the view point of dependent
origination, our lives are inter-dependent with many people. This is easily
seen in the work of the farmer who grows the vegetables, the truck driver who
delivers the food to the supermarket, and many other human links in the process
of getting the food to our homes. Within this chain of food production, we
actually see a continuous line of loving-kindness which creates the food we
enjoy on our tables.
From understanding of the dependent origination of life, we will be grateful to all the other people who took part in the process.
Not only this, the Buddha also taught that we are a family since eons of samsaric life. The Buddha said, “Suppose a man would cut up whatever grass, sticks, branches, and foliage there are in this Jambudipa and collect them together into a single heap. Having done so, he would put them down, saying for each one: ‘This is my mother, this my mother’s mother.’ The sequences of that man’s mothers and grand mothers would not come to end, yet the grass, wood, branches, and foliage in this Jambudipa would be used up and exhausted. For what reason? Because this samsara is without discoverable beginning. A first point is not discerned of beings roaming and wandering on hindered by ignorance and fettered by craving.” From this teaching, we can understand that all beings can be our mothers in all our past lives. When we think of this point, our mind will be soft, and be more patient. We will be more grateful to all the beings, and eager to offer our hands to help.
1. Being an ability to love, loving-kindness is active not passive. What is the difference between being active and passive? You must have read the story of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”. In the story, Snow White’s stepmother, the Queen, feared that one day Snow White’s beauty would surpass her own. So the Queen dressed the little princess in rags and forced her to work as a servant in a castle. Each day, the Queen consulted her magic mirror. “Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?” As long as the mirror responded in the Queen’s favor, Snow White was safe. So the conflict between Snow White and her step mother comes from the Queen’s competitive psychology of being Miss Universe. From this we understand we will not be able to love when our minds are filled with greed, hatred, and delusion.
As for Snow White, she is described to be a young, naïve, passive girl. She wished to a wishing well that the one she loved would find her, and she dreamed about how nice he would be.
A young lady yearning for love is just like a budding rose. The beauty of Snow White was revealing everyday. Whenever the Queen saw Snow White, she flew into a jealous rage. One day she rushed to her magic mirror, demanding an answer.
“Famed is thy beauty, Majesty, but hold! A lovely maid I see. Rags cannot hide her gentle grace. She is more fair than thee.”
“Alas for her! Reveal her name.”
“Lips red as a rose, hair black as ebony, skin white as snow…“SNOW WHITE!”
The Queen was so jealous that she decided to ask her huntsman to kill Snow White. But the huntsman could not kill the innocent young princess. So he asked Snow White to escape to the forest. Snow White was so helpless that she could not do anything except run away from her step-mother’s persecution. She then lived in the forests with the seven dwarfs. The Queen knew from her consultation with the Magic Mirror that Snow White was still alive. So, she asked an old crone to put Snow White to sleep forever. The old crone disguised as an old granny tried to offer her an apple with a spell on it. And the old granny cheated Snow White by saying: “Because you’ve been so good to poor old granny, I’ll share a secret with you. This is no ordinary apple. It’s a magic wishing apple!” “A wishing apple, really?” asked Snow White. “Yes, One bite and all your dreams will come true.” The old woman grinned at the princess. “Perhaps there’s someone you love?” Snow White remembered her prince. “Well, there is someone.” “I thought so. Old Granny knows a young girl’s heart. Now make a wish and take a bite.”
From the above passage, we understand, the princess cannot do anything but wish for the love of her prince. And after the bite of the poisoned apple, Snow White fell to the ground. The seven dwarfs put her in a glass and gold coffin. Until one day, a Prince heard of the beautiful maiden who slept in the glass coffin. He rode to the cottage of the seven dwarfs, and they took him to Snow White. Now this is the climax of the whole story: The Prince gently kissed her: Then, slowly, her eyes began to open. The spell was broken. Love’s first kiss had brought her back to life!
It is by the power of love that Snow White is awakened to her life again, but this love is passive. She cannot do anything but wish and wait like a dead person for love from her prince. The same situation happens in many other stories too. In other stories, the princess is imprisoned in a high tower, where she has to wait for some knight or prince to rescue her. Again, she cannot do anything but wish and wait. We may call this an archetype in literature. But it is really deeply ingrained in our minds. We want to possess a certain quality like physical appearance, or wealth, or social status, so that we will be “loved”. So, the beauty shop industry is doing a thriving business. The belief is that as long as we are physically beautiful, we will be loved.
2.
While the love of the above-mentioned myth is passive, loving-kindness is
active. Loving-kindness is the act of
giving not taking. It starts from an
equanimous mind treating all beings without any differentiation. With this mind as the base, we will not only
refrain from harming other beings, but we will give what is good. How do we give? We give according to our understanding of the Dharma, and
according to the people’s understanding of Dharma. In a word, it varies according to both our and the people’s
understanding of Dharma. First we fill
the material needs of all beings, so they are free from want. Then, secondly, we give Dharma, so that
people understand how to make the most of it from having acquired the human
state. We may practice for the
happiness of this and the next life, or we may practice for our own liberation,
and then share with all beings what we understand. That is the reason that the Buddha said that in all the givings
the giving of Dharma surpasses all.
3. So, true loving-kindness always works with wisdom, the understanding of Dharma. From this deep understanding, we respect and accept all beings. We do not ask that they have to be good first, then we will extend our loving-kindness. Rather, it is through the heart being free from greed and ill-will that springs spontaneous beneficial activity.
There are three modes or levels of loving-kindness.
In the first level, we still have the concept of self-nature consciously or unconsciously. We generate loving-kindness toward beings. So, this mode of loving-kindness is called loving-kindness based on sentient beings.
In the second level, we gain insight into the dharmas, so that one sees a person as a stream of bodily and mental phenomena. The concept of self is eliminated, but the concept of the constituent parts of the bodily and mental phenomena are still there. So, this mode of loving-kindness is called loving-kindness based on the dharmas.
Next, in the third level, the concept of dharmas is eliminated also. Hence, this mode of loving-kindness is called unobjectified loving-kindness. How do we do this? First one enters into the absorption of emptiness. From that meditation, one emerges into the meditation of loving-kindness. Then, one contemplates sentient beings as mere illusion and generates loving-kindness toward them.
4. In the practice of loving-kindness, we need an object in the beginning. Without an object, we do not know to whom we should generate our loving-kindness. According to The Path of Purification, there are four kinds of beings to whom we generate our loving-kindness. The first is we ourselves, and the second are those dear to us, the third are those indifferent to us, and the fourth are those who have hurt, or harmed us.
We have to be able to generate loving-kindness toward all these four levels of people without any differentiation. If we cannot break the barrier between them, we have to meditate loving-kindness starting from ourselves once again.
5. When we see our friends are happy, in good health, we are not jealous. We feel as happy as they are. When we see our friends are doing what is unwholesome, we have to take responsibility to tell them what is wholesome and what is unwholesome, so that they do not do the unwholesome activities, and do not suffer consequences from them. Therefore, loving-kindness is responsibility. It takes courage and wisdom to love.
6. Loving-kindness is the respect of people’s feelings, thoughts, and volitions. It is very natural for us to have feelings of high regard, honor, or esteem for those who are competent, able, or virtuous. For example, we may respect an artist, the president, the Abbot of the monastery. But we may look down upon those who are low in the social status, or those who committed a crime. We may also justify our selfish desire and exploit other animal’s lives and right to live. This is not the meaning of respect.
The meaning of respect is to see beings as beings. For example, we respect a child as a child. In his book, The Art of Love, Erich Fromm discusses the meaning of respect. I would like to quote his discussion as follows. He said, “Respect is not fear and awe; it denotes, in accordance with the root of the word (respicere = to look at), the ability to see a person as he is, to be aware of his unique individuality. Respect means the concern that the other person should grow and unfold as he is. Respect, thus, implies the absence of exploitation. I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me. If I love the other person, I feel one with him or her, but with him as he is, not as I need him to be as an object for my use. It is clear that respect is possible only if I have achieved independence; if I can stand and walk without needing crutches, without having to dominate and exploit anyone else. Respect exists only on the basis of freedom: “l’amour est l’enfant de la liberte” as an old French song says; love is the child of freedom, never of domination.”
Out of his compassionate heart, the Buddha did not command his students to follow his teachings. Rather, he respected his student’s understanding of the Dharma, and communicated with mutual respect. Based on this mutual respect, and through communication, the students chose to follow the truth naturally. Hence, there is no need for one to command the other to do anything. The Buddha respected all beings as they were and he embraced all walks of people, be they as low as thieves or prostitutes, or as high as kings or wealthy merchants. The Buddha made himself an example of respect for all beings.
“Compassion is the keen awareness of the interdependence of all things.” --Thomas Merton
“Compassion is the ultimate and most meaningful embodiment of emotional maturity. It is through compassion that a person achieves the highest peak and deepest reach in his or her search for self-fulfillment.” --Arthur Jersild
“Compassion is not sentiment but is making justice and doing works of mercy. Compassion is not a moral commandment but a flow and overflow of the fullest human and divine energies.” --Matthew Fox
“The whole purpose of religion is to facilitate love and compassion, patience, tolerance, humility, forgiveness.” --H.H. the Dalai Lama
Why don’t you write down your own understanding?
May you all
have a happy holiday season.