| This is my website. I am the disassociated plimsoll. Unfortunately, the reason I came up with the name has now become completely obsolete, so I'm just stuck with a name that is a bit crap. This website is, essentially, a collection of thoughts. To be honest, I can't be bothered with all the technical jiggery pokery needed to link to different places/topics with different buttons, so it will all be here. I'll put dates in the correct (British) format, i.e. dd/mm/yyyy so it should be easy to scroll down to see if anything is new. Enjoy. |
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| I have a guestbook, but it seems not to work very well. Stupid guestbook! |
| 29/06/2004 The start of a new era. This website was, earlier, a clunky and lame affair. By streamlining it, I have now made it sleek and well-proportioned. So what's in the news around newcastle at the moment? I saw an advert on the metro today for "the sage", which is this new music centre place where there'll be concerts and stuff on. For some reason, the clever designers have "nicknamed" the building "the armadillo". Am I the only one who realises that armadillo and sage, when compared side by side, do not increase in size from left to right? I mention this because I used to work for Sage, the company which has put up some of the money for this building. And to think, I'm giving them free advertising here! www.thesagegateshead.com if you want to read more about it. Anyway, in other news, some tramp had soiled himself on the metro earlier: a cleaner had to leap on the train (he didn't actually leap, the bucket of disinfectant he carried prevented him from doing so) and clean it up. The driver was not best pleased, saying "that's gonna stink when it dries". That is an actual quote, as I was there, on the scene. I believe I may have seen the offending tramp climbing up the escalator when I arrived at monument metro, so keep an eye out for a man with medium build, of medium height, with gray hair and a drunken expression. He also walks with a swaying motion, and seems to enjoy the movement of the escalators ... he was riding them up and then riding back down the last time he was seen. I would describe his attire as ... "medium" (I wasn't paying too much attention, unfortunately) Staying on the subject of trains, I was aboard a virgin train yesterday, and there was some freakish man who scared these two kids. They were absolutely terrified, but unfortunately I have no juicy quotes for you: he was whispering. The man got off at Durham station, which I think was where the kids were going to get off too, but they decided they weren't. Here is their dialogue following the encounter (apologies for paraphrasing) A: What a ****ing nutjob B: There's no ****ing way I'm getting off at this station A: (standing up) I'll check he's got off B: Sit the **** down. He'll see us then, later, once they'd got off the train: A: (running) I just want to get home and be safe B: (also running) ****ing hell yeah I was considering running after them, so as to get more quotes for my readers, but thought this may only have unnerved them further. Virgin trains need to do something about this. The kids' experience will probably put them, and their friends, off train travel for ages. Virgin trains could also do something about the fact that it took me five and a half hours to get home from Birmingham, a journey that usually takes three hours and twenty minutes. Engineering works are infuriating, but luckily I had old Mr. Foster's and Mr. Carlsberg at hand (actually two of each) to ease the pain. Then I made the mistake of buying a cup of tea. �1.20, and it was too hot! www.virgintrains.co.uk if after reading this horror story you still want to buy a ticket. They also (at last) give you the opportunity to check train times, without having to go through the whole damn signing up and booking procedure. And finally: does anyone know how much it costs to dry clean a suit? I need one dry cleaned (obviously), and want to make sure I get a reasonable price. Answers in the guestbook, please. -------------------------------------------------------- 03/07/2004 Rain. Yes, it's raining. Again. While on the plus side, it means I don't have to water the plants outside my house, it does mean that I have to go to work through this crap. Obviously, what everyone will be talking about today is Marco's eviction from the big brother (UK, for all my multinational fans) house. For those of you that haven't seen it yet, Marco is the campest man ever to live, to the point of screeching at every opportunity. I would say I'm glad he's gone, but that only means another of the appalling people from that house are back on the streets. That's why the big fight they had was so good- you honestly wouldn't mind any one of the housemates getting a slap. Or a damn good hiding. www.channel4.com/bigbrother if their antics interest you. There haven't been any more notable public transport adventures for me recently, though a bus, when driving through a puddle, nearly splashed me the other day. I had a curry last night, which I would mark with 2/10. The chicken had the consistency of rocks, and had clearly been overdone. No doubt they'd had a food hygiene scare a couple of years back, and decided it was better to be safe than sorry. Or make horrible food rather than nice. I won't be going there again, and neither should you. I forget the name, but it is the curry house closest to the Tynemouth Motor Company in North Shields, on Nile Street. Avoid. There were a lot of people out last night, wandering the streets in various states of drunkenness. To give you all an indication of what a classy place North Shields is for a night out, I have provided a transcript of their conversations. A (WOMAN: short-skirt, minging face): Come on then you ****ing ****s! B (WOMAN: short-skirt, minging face, fat): Sharon! ****ing come on! SHARON (WOMAN: short-skirt, minging face): **** you lot, just ****ing wait for me you ****ing ****s! A: For ****s sake, Sharon, come on! SHARON: Where the **** are we going? C (MAN: Ben sherman shirt, shaved head): How man you ****ing ****s, I'm ****ing [at this point the C stops to loudly spit a huge ball of phlegm on the pavement] going to the ****ing pub! All of this was, of course, said at the top of their voices. I'm not sure you get the full effect with those asterisks, as each foul word was said with such vehemence, I was quite taken aback. www.welcome-to-tyneside.fsnet.co.uk if you want to see a bit more information on North Shields. It's actually not a bad place, it's just the decent nightlife is over in Newcastle. ------------------------------------------------------ 05/07/2004 Washing clothes. Yes, that's what I'll be doing once I've finished writing this white-knuckle update. I have to attend numerous graduation cermonies this week, as part of my role as "office lackey" at Newcastle University. Sorry, the University of Newcastle upon Tyne. They have much better looking gowns than we had when I was at Lancaster, but then again, the students here in Newcastle don't get to wear mortar boards, so I suppose it's an even trade. I have also, as part of this exercise, had my suit dry-cleaned (or it is in the process of being dry-cleaned as we speak). It was absolutely disgusting: it hasn't been cleaned in any shape or form (save for being rained on once) for two years. Bleugh. This brings us neatly onto the topic of hygiene. Well, perhaps not "neatly", but in a roundabout fashion we are there. Kids these days are too soft when it comes to bacteria. We clean everything obsessively, and it's no wonder that children have asthma, eczema, allergies, rabies, and the clap. We have become terrified of germs, like some people are terrified of wasps. Sure, they can hurt you, but they're very unlikely to kill you. In fact, these days, you have to be very unlucky to be killed by a germ. But no, they produce a seemingly unlimited number of cleaning products. Soon we will be seeing "bar of soap cleanser!!! Don't let germs fester on your bar of soap, cover it with this hygienic foil! Replace 6 times daily. �10 for 3". Putting clothes in washer... more soon! ---------------------------------------- 07/07/2004 Test Just did one of those personality test emails that seem to have been going round the internet since time began. If you want to do it, don't read on or it gives away the game, just write in the guestbook your email address (though considering how few of you wrote to tell me how much dry cleaning a suit would cost (�8.95!), I don't hold out much hope!) and I'll send it to you. Apparently, my strongest feelings are towards pride, then money, then love, then career, then family last. Sorry, mum and dad! Though I'm actually quite impressed with this- I would say that's about right. I describe myself as "nice", my girlfriend as "aloof" (think I'll keep that one quiet!), my enemies (whoever they may be) as "small" ... yes, small. How else do you describe a rat? Most worrying of all, my description of sex is "horrible". Just because I don't like coffee, I'm branded some kind of deviant. Oh, and I describe my life as "wobbly". Think that one is just about right. Apparently this test was approved by the Dalai Lama, though how he got my e-mail address, I'll never know. Perhaps he'll mail again, checking for advice? After having a life assessment, it's the least I can do. ----------------------------------------------- 07/10/2004 3 month gap After being spurred on by my friend in the guestbook, I have decided to write another entry. Here it is. You're reading it right now. I have started a new job, at Sage (UK) Ltd. Again. So my career has progressed a long way since the first entry. In the intervening time, I was at Northumbria University. It was extremely boring, and to anyone who wants to get a job there- don't apply. I am currently in training, and all my colleagues do is complain about the system we have to work with. Most of these complaints are completely unjustified, and if not, then they are certainly poorly-researched. As part of our training, we have to set up an imaginary business. But these people are demanding functionality, in spite of there being no physical business at all, and none of them ever having owned a business. Let he is without sin cast the first stone, as some book once said (not sure, may have been encyclopaedia britannica), and these people don't even know what sinning is.... which.... makes no difference, in fact I have lost track of what it is I was trying to say. Anyway, in other news, I went to see Mark Thomas at the Newcastle comedy festival the other night. He was very funny, but here is a tip. Keep it quiet if you've been to MacDonald's or had a coke beforehand. You'll be lynched otherwise. He gets **** (which is to say 4 stars, rather than an expletive, though he uses those a lot). Would have been five, but as this is my first comedy review I can't be sure there won't be someone better. And then my system will have to have 5 and a half stars, or 6, and then all hell would break loose, possibly. Books I have read semi-recently (with ratings after them): Robert Harris Pompeii ****, Richard Herring Talking Cock ****, Dan Brown The Da Vinci Code *****, Deception Point ***, Marian Keyes Sushi for Beginners *, Angels (? Maybe?) 0, Dominic Holland The Ripple Effect ***, Dave Eggers You Shall Know Our Velocity **, Bill Bryson A Short History of Nearly Everything ***, Luke Rhinehart The Dice Man **, Danny Wallace Join Me ****, (whoever it is) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time ***** Just a few. I should point out I was on holiday when I read both those Marian Keyes books, so I had no other choice than to read them. Except I could have not read them, obviously. I wish I hadn't, now. You shall know our velocity would get a higher score, but I feel like I'm missing something quite vital and obvious at the end, and I can't make head nor tail of it. I also read a book called Churchill, which was ***** brilliant (again- 5 star brilliant, not ***** brilliant. Though no 5-letter swear words come to mind. Bitch, I suppose. But "Bitch brilliant" doesn't make a great deal of sense. Unless you're particularly misogynistic and heterosexual, or you like one particular gender of dog over another). Unfortunately, I can't remember the author. I am also slowly getting through the entire Sharpe series, but seeing as the books are more or less interchangeable, I will give them a group rating. At the moment, this is at ****. See, my reviews are a lot quicker than the Sunday Times, but equally good, I feel. I have typed too much, and am hungry. No doubt I will post again in a few months. Take it easy, dudes. ---------------------------------------------------- 12/10/2004 Back for more, eh? I continue my training as a professional nerd at sage. I have some incredibly interesting stories to tell of "life in the training room". If you enjoy hearing tales about how I don't understand basic accounting principles. Oh, how we laugh. Also, we discussed which is the best biscuit today. Jammy dodger is provisionally the champion, but I don't think I've heard the end of this. If you would like to cast a vote, put it in the guestbook. I could make some kind of poll thing but, as pointed out at the top of my site, I am too lazy. Instead, I will continue to add things below till I have the longest site in the entire world. Or I get drunk and forget about this completely pointless exercise. There are clouds gathering, and I am looking for a place to live. Obviously, I am not a homeless with too much internet time on his hands, but to my great shame I still live with my parents, like some kind of gigantic loser. Hopefully, I will be moving back to Gosforth, or to somewhere like Jesmond. This makes my commute to work much shorter, so I can roll out of bed at reasonable o'clock, instead of stupid o'clock, as I do at the moment. Think I'll be looking through bowson lettings, but if anyone has any horror stories about them, I will look elsewhere. My difficulty is having no time to do anything. And yes, I know that I have spare time now, but what would you millions (possibly: I haven't checked the site stats for a couple of days- last count 25) of readers do all day otherwise? All hell would no doubt break loose, and I would be indirectly to blame. Then, you may attack the premises of bowson lettings as stage one of a two-stage plan, trying to find out where I live so as to begin stage two, namely attacking my new house/flat. Did I mention I had 5 hours sleep last night, and am in no way fit to be writing a website? For a more amusing take on everyday events, swing by www.richardherring.com and read his blog. He has inspired me to do some running, but alas I need a zip-up hoody, some shorts, and possibly more trainer-socks. I despise tracksuit bottoms (I briefly had a fling with them at age 13, but found them unbecoming), and my reasoning is that if I stop, I will get cold. So I must run! Sage are opening a gym at their offices this autumn- I will join and then I will be more powerful than sliced bread. I will keep you fat disgusting slobs updated, though, so you can dream of what might have been. ----------------------------- 17/06/2005 It has been a while, but once again this is being updated. I guess it's important to have something on the web that nobody will ever read, except for people who are seriously bored, or friends who are seriously bored. And even then, they just write crap in the guestbook, which doesn't work. Anyway, I have very little else to say. I am getting a new PC, which is super-awesome, and hopefully I will be able to scam bt broadband without having to shell out on a wireless adaptor and networking. Haha! I am so clever. Been watching Simpsons season 5, it is extremely good. Oh, and curb your enthusiasm is one of the greatest programmes ever made. Watched Star Wars episode 3 not too long ago, and it was.... okay. I can't come up with a better word to describe it. Absolute toss compared to the first star wars film. Why did R2D2 and C3P0 have to be involved at all? And why did Yoda run off? And considering they put in 1000 hours of Lightsaber training, why was the final fight a bit- I dunno, unexciting? Oh, and at the end, considering the Jedis have the power to leap hundreds of metres, and fire lightning bolts, I would have thought holding a slight height advantage paled into significance. And that's eight months! Amazing how time flies. Read all of Matthew Reilly's books- they are ace. |