OK, I'm gonna cut right to the chase, because I have really nothing else to report on: EWA's 14th Clash of the Champions was one of the best cards I have ever seen. The matches were incredible, the debuts were to die for, and nobody got retired... the swerves were insane... I really can't say much more about this than that... but, not surprisingly, I'm gonna fill up an entire article doing just that. So let's get right to it.

~ As we fade in, we see none other than former EWA Champ Harding Cash coming in, and being greeted by his security team. And they look like a force to be reckoned with, that's for sure. Jack Daniels wants to talk to Cash about something, but Cash is just blowing him off. Daniels isn't too happy... and would you be?

~ It's... Jonathan Storm? With the NYSWF Lightweight Title? NOT DIGITIZED? What the hell is that? Gates is gonna have a hell of a copyright infringement case on his hands. Either way, Jon Storm wants to test his skills outside of the NYSWF, and he picked the right place to do it. The crowd absolutely ate this up, and wouldn't you? Crazy, crazy stuff.

~ WHAT? Collins is in the front row?! Something fucked up is going on here, and I PROMISE to get to the bottom of this. You should've heard me backstage... the sound of my jaw hitting the floor actually snapped Jared out of his beer-induced daze.

~ KG and Jeffrey Sabastion-Lincoln Parks V (breathe) fight to a draw. Not overly impressed with this match, but hey, it was the first one on the card, shouldn't have expected much.

~ Gates is livid over Collins being in the front row, and he wants Corey GONE. But... well, he bought a ticket, he can't be forced to leave, according to VP Solley. Solley says he'll have Watson interview him, and Gates tells him to also make sure the Butcher comes down to the office.

~ Moooooney! Get back! It's "Cold" Harding Cash, CJ Cordial, and the security team of 12. Cash gets on the stick, and demands that whoever it was that was attacking him come out. Now. Gates makes his way to the curtains... but it wasn't him. No, he investigated, and he's narrowed it down to about a hundred gazillion people. Way to go, Duane-O. Cash isn't too happy with that, but before he can tell Gates just how he feels, out comes the Drunk One! Daniels tells Cash exactly what he thinks of him... that he's a talentless son of a bitch, except when he's pissed. Then, he reveals that... HE was the attacker! Jack Daniels hit Cordial with a car, and wailed Cash with a lead pipe! He's only good when he's angry, so Daniels made him angry! Next week: Cash vs. Daniels, with President Gates as the special referee!

~ Haywood Jublome d. Bazooka Joe. After last week's disappointing outcome, Haywood was out for blood. Joe, well, he was Joe... he's ALWAYS out for blood. Anyway, a pretty good match, except for Joe going to the ropes... he's a little big for that kind of thing, he should know better. Since it lost him the match, maybe now he will.

~ Gates forces the Butcher to take off his mask, and apparently, he's not too happy with who he sees underneath! The Butcher is someone we know, apparently... but who? Either way, that voice box makes him sound reeeeeeeeal creepy.

~ The Hollywood Blondes and Col Robert Parker come out, and make your basic heel promo: cocky, arrogant, self-serving, and providing nothing to back up their claims. Perfect.

~ TGO d. Butcher for the IC Title. Butcher'd been on a roll as of late, but I have to agree with the decision here... it's too early to push the Butcher, in my opinion, to that high a status, but he's still a solid competitor, even after this loss... frankly, just making it into the finals should push the Butcher up into the high mid-card. A great match overall, with a solid ending, something you see too little of nowadays.

~ Larry Watson tries to interview Corey Collins, but Collins left before anything could happen with that. I'm really confused, personally, but I could understand a fed head wanting to scope out the competition... but I'd figure it'd be on TV.

~ Two UPS guys, and they each have packages, apparently with some sick stuff in 'em... but what? If it's gay porn, I'm gonna have to kill someone.

~ Shawn Copeland d. Jack Daniels. Good match, although I would've pegged JD to win this one. Then again, I'm a huge JD mark, so I'm not really all that fair a judge. As it went, though, it was a huge match, both men put a lot of effort into this, but when it all ended, JD was on his back for the 3 count.

~ Somebody's defaced the mirror... you'd think people would stop doing that after two weeks of the crap. Anywho, "Tonight's the Night," in blue... something. The night of what, I don't know. I guess we'll have to wait.

~ The UPS guys deliver the packages, to JD and Raven, and end up with packages of their own... shots to the head that knock 'em out! Raven and JD chase each other around in the UPS trucks, and crash them into each other... miraculously, noone is harmed. OK. Oh, you want to know what was in the packages? For Raven, a decapitated baby doll. For JD, Elektra's sonograms. I'd be pissed, too.

~ The Hollywood Blondes destroy Cash's car. He's not gonna be happy about that.

~ E-Nuff d. Chris Kage. Good match, excellent mix of hardcore and wrestling, and a solid ending. The match made sure you knew just what Kage and Nuff could do... and would do to get a win. It made me wonder what they could pull off in the cage match that we hadn't seen.

~ Johnny the Homicidal Maniac has come to the EWA, and set his sights on Sean Boden and Harding Cash! Jesus, everybody's after these guys. Either way, he cut a great promo, and made his presence known, for sure.

~ OK, now this was weird. I don't even know how to express it in words... but an interesting video package. I hope to see who is the subject of this sometime.

~ Alex Haven and Harding Cash wrestle to a draw. Well... the heat between these two from the NYSWF earlier this year has NOT gone away. This was a great match, and it would've been much better if everyone and their mother hadn't interfered at the end.

~ The match is over, and Grinspoon's "Champion" blares over the PA... Evan Douglas is back, and he's looking for Cash! He gives him a couple of shots for good measure, and a God's Creation to be on the safe side. He made sure everyone knew that Cash was a marked man (see? Everybody's going after Cash. It's nuts), and promptly left the ring. It's great to see Evan back, in my opinon... it was sad that he left in the first place, he has a lot of talent, and can (and will, god willing) do so much in the EWA.

~ Sean Boden d. Sigel Phoenix to retain the Hardcore Title. HOLY SHIT. Show stealer, right here... every time I see Boden in a match, I come to the conclusion that he'll NEVER be able to top it, and then the next week, he goes and does it. And this time, Sigel Phoenix ALSO put in the performance of his career, in my opinion. This was a ***** match, and if you missed it... well, that's what I'm here for, isn't it? It started off fast-paced, and before long, special ref Kage was making life hard for Boden and Phoenix, and at one point, Kage was so busy beating on Phoenix, that nobody saw Boden almost jumping out of the cage... but that's why Nuff was there on the outside, right? Spot of the night: Nuff caught Boden, and tossed him back THROUGH the goddamn cage. Holy fucking Christ. That was just the first of several high spots that just kept coming, and coming... just when you thought they were finished and could do no better, they come out with the sickest high spot you've seen... until the next one. Nuff, Boden, Kage, Phoenix... they're probably the hardest working guys in the circuit nowadays, and damn if they don't take the most punishment, at least. And the ending? That's right, folks... it looks like Kage and Sigel Phoenix are teaming up.

~ AZMYTH IS HERE. The most promising rookie in the NPWA has been signed to the EWA, and I'm probably the happiest guy on the planet right now. He's looking to take out Boden (see? I told you everybody was after him), and I think he could possibly succeed.

~ Main Event time: Erik Draven d. Raven for the EWA World Title. And a hell of a match it was, although I think the HC Title match outshined it just a bit. Raven did the necessary heel things, chairshots, cheap maneuvers, etc, culminating in an Evenflow through the announce table. Draven showed his agility and strength, reversing an Evenflow into a Northern Lights bridge. The match was a technical education, at least where Draven was concerned, and one for the rookie heels to watch where Raven was concerned. The effort from both men is outstanding, as usual, and in the end, E-Diddy got the win. If anyone deserves it, it's Erik.

Folks, go rent this show. I know I already told you everything that happened, but seriously, go rent this show. It's the most entertaining card the EWA has put out yet, and that's saying something. Why are you still reading this? Go! Oh... you want next week's cards. That's right, cards. Thursday Night Thunder debuts this week. Both shows should be incredible.

WNW:
~ Right off the bat, we've got an interview with the new Heavyweight champ. I'm curious to see what Erik Draven has to say about CotC, winning the title, you know, the usual thing. Except it won't be boring.

~ TV Title tourney first round match: Azmyth v. "Suicidal" Mark Matthews. I'm pegging Azmyth to win this one, if only because I have yet to see Matthews work. I hope Azmyth can keep his NPWA streak going in the EWA.

~ Brian Pillman takes on Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Johnny in a squeaker.

~ Shawn Copeland faces off against Haywood Jublome. Now, Haywood's still bitter about losing to TGO and Draven, I'm sure, so he'll be looking to make Copeland hurt. Copeland, on the other hand, is fresh off a win over Jack Daniels, and should want to make Haywood hurt. Tough choice here.

~ Sigel Phoenix and Jose Martinez square off against Long Island Hardcore. LIHC will wipe the floor with the Mexican and the Canadian. Least, I think he's Canadian. Doesn't matter, he might as well be. We're gonna kick their asses.

~ In the Main Event, Sean Boden defends his EWA Hardcore Title against the Butcher. Hm... tough call here, but I think Boden will end up on top. He's got the biggest streak in the world going, and Butcher's coming off a loss against TGO... I put this one in Boden's favor... but I am a little biased on that one, being his best friend and all.

TNT:
~ Jeffrey Sebastion William Hans Frank Joe Scooter Lincoln Parks XVIII goes up against Jon Storm in Storm's EWA debut. Parks drawed with KG at Clash. I think that says enough.

~ Another TV Title Tourney match: Paranoid Perry v. Alexander Haven. I gotta go with Haven in this one, if only for the veteran factor. Haven may be young, but he's not green. Perry hasn't been around for as long. I see Haven taking this one.

~ TV Title Tourney: Steve Austin v. Evan Douglas. I gotta go with Evan. No offense to Austin, but Evan is one of the most underrated workers out there today. He deserves at LEAST the TV Title.

~ Paladin and TGO do battle in non-title action. Paladin is another underrated one, but TGO is not exactly someone to take lightly. I say TGO in a finely wrestled match.

~ Bazooka Joe, Matt Hoffman, and E-Nuff mix it up in Hoffman's debut. I am not even gonna try to call this one, I'm just gonna say WOW.

~ The Main Event brings us Harding Cash and Jack Daniels in a grudge match, with Duane Gates as our special referee. This match will be explosive, to say the least. Another one that's too close to call... but I smell a swerve here.

So there you go, now buy the Clash encore tomorrow night, or I'll come over and smack you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. Bad dog!

Camel out.