Seasonal Jokes
A little boy wanted a new bike for Christmas. His mother told him they did not have any money for a bike. But she told him if he would tell Jesus what a good boy he would be, maybe Jesus would allow him to have one.
The little boy sat down to write Jesus a letter. As he began the letter..."Dear Jesus I will be good for one year..." He scribbled that out and wrote, "Dear Jesus I will be good for one month..." Then he scribbled that out and wrote, "Dear Jesus I will be good for one whole week...." In his disgust he tore up the paper and went for a walk.
As he walked he passed by the local church were there was a Nativity scene. He began to run as fast as he could and, when he past by the figure of Mary, grabbed her up and ran home. He ran in the front door and to his room. There he began a new letter that started..."Dear Jesus if you ever want to see your mother again..."
Submitted by Me Its christmas day an the hunch back of natra dame is at home on his own he has two presents. the first one is small he opens it an its off esmarelda, its a tie. the second one is off his mother an its huge, he continues to open it, to find to his suprise it was a wok. He calls his mother an asks her what its for. she replies "its for when you start ironing.
Submitted by Me
Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"
His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."
So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."
Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
Submited by MeQ: Why does Santa have such a big sack?
A: Cos he only comes once a year.
Submitted by MeThree men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something "Christmassy".
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
Answer... "They're Carol's."
Submitted by Me
It was Christmas Eve and a woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg.
He asked her what it was she told him that she had visited the tatoo parlor that day and on the inside of one leg she had "Merry Christmas" tatooed, and on the inside of the other one she had "Happy New Year."
Her husband asked her what all that meant and her reply was, Well, now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
Submitted by Me
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Submitted by MeQ.Why did the snowman pull down his pants?
A. Because he saw the snow blower coming
Submitted by MeMum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !
Submitted by Me
Q: What did Santa say to the 3 blondes?
A: Ho, ho, ho!
