Animal Jokes
Jon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.
The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.
The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.
The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Submited by Me
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles Upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, �Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you�ll see, you�ll feel so much better!� The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, �Elephant my
friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you�ll see, you�ll feel so good!� The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up... �Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!� The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, �Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!� The lion answers, �That little fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he�s on ecstasy!�
Submited by Me
A man suspected that his wife was cheating on him, but he could not find time to prove it since they worked opposite shifts. He soon came up with the idea to get a talking Parrot and hide it in the closet of the bedroom while he was gone.
He went to the local pet store and the clerk said we only have one Parrot that can talk real good, but he is sort of handicapped. The husband asked, "what's wrong with him?" The clerk then told the man that the bird was born with no legs, so he holds himself up on the Perch by wrapping his long dick around it. The man agreed to buy the Parrot anyway.
Once the man arrived home, he put the Parrot in the bedroom closet and instructed the Parrot on what to do. Leaving the closet door partially open for the Parrot to see the bedroom, the man then left for work.
Arriving home the next morning the man noticed his wife had already left for work. He quickely went inside and began asking the Parrot, "what have you seen?" The Parrot replied "You are right, your wife is cheating on you!" "Go on", said the man. "About a half an hour after you left, your wife came into the bedroom with another man! " said the Parrot. "Go on", said the man. "Then they took off all of their clothes and got onto the bed!" "Go on,"said the man. "Then that guy started kissing your wife and sucking on her tits!" said the Parrot. "Then what happend?",asked the man. "Then that guy put his head between her legs and started licking her puss!", said the Parrot. "Then what?" ,asked the man. "I dont know", said the Parrot, "my dick got hard and I fell off the Perch!!"
Submited by MeQ. Why do elephants have four feet?
A. Because tehy would look silly with six inches.
Submited by SiQ. Where wud u find a turtle with no legs?
A. Right where you left it
Submitted by BeckyQ.What do you do if you want sex with a Koala?
A. Use A Jonny.
Submited by MitchA wife goes to her husband "Do you know a bull has sex 365 days a year?". The husband replies "Yer.... But he doesnt have to shag the same old cow".
Submited by GazTwo welshmen are out rounding up sheep when all of a sudden a ewe takes off and goes wild, runs into a fence and gets her head stuck. The two shepherds run over to the fence to get her out when one says to the other "Hey, boyo, this is too good an oppertunity to pass up." So he unzips his fly, yanks out his wang and fucks this ewe for about ten minutes. When he's finally finished he looks round to his mate and says, "That was bloody marvellouse. D'you fancy a go?"
"Bloody right i do!" grins his mate, as he drops his trousers and sticks his head through the fence.
Submited by MeOne day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out.
The ant asked, "What do I get in return?"
The elephant replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you."
So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says "OK it's out, are you ready?".
The elephant thinks, "Hey, what's a little ant gonna do anyways?" The ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant's head.
"Ouch" screams the elephant, and the ant responds, "Yeah take it all bitch."
Submited by Me
Q: Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape?
A: So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.
