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| HOW TO GET EVEN | ||||||||||
| (THIS IS ONLY INTENDED AS A JOKE - NOT TO BE USED ON SOMEONE) | ||||||||||
| LOST KEYS: Get a hold of some old useless keys (car, house, etc.). Place your ex's name, phone number and $50.00 reward? If found and returned. Drop the keys in one of the less desirable areas of town. | ||||||||||
| GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your ex. Advertise televisions, cam-corder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 am come early! | ||||||||||
| MONEY: Write a sexually oriented solicitation message, your ex's name and phone number (inviting a phone call) on the edge of several dollar bills before spending them. | ||||||||||
| DOGS: Purchase a silent dog whistle. Between 2:00 and 4:00 am drive by and whistle | ||||||||||
| TAG ALONG ROAD KILL: Find a dead animal along the side of a road. Take a 12 foot long rope, tie one end around the animal and the other end around the bumper hitch of your ex's automobile. Balance the dead animal on the rear axle. I would hate to be the driver behind her. | ||||||||||
| X-RAYS AT THE AIRPORT: Purchase a large adult bedroom toy. Wrap it in a large amount of tin foil. Hide it in your soon to be ex's suitcase before she goes to the airport. This will prompt security to check her luggage and inspect the item. | ||||||||||
| WHAT'S THAT SMELL: Get white fabric and a dead fish, or animal excrement and sew it to the bottom of the box spring mattress. This will conceal it and will have the benefit of giving night after night. | ||||||||||
| ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE: In the classifieds, the WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN section, post "Just out of a relationship wanting to try something new. Give her home telephone number. | ||||||||||
| SUBSCRIPTION: Subscribe her to OUT magazine and have it delivered to her place of employment under her name. | ||||||||||
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