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How to read the "CLASSIFIEDS" |
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"WOMEN SEEKING MEN" |
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| CODE WORD (MEANING) |
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| 40-ish (48) |
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| Adventurer (Has had more partners than you ever will) |
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| Affectionate (Possessive) |
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| Artist (Unreliable) |
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| Athletic (Flat chested) |
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| Average looking (Ugly) |
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| Beautiful (Pathological liar) |
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| Commitment-minded (Pick out curtains, now!) |
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| Communication important (Just try to get a word in edgewise) |
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| Contagious smile (Bring your penicillin) |
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| Educated (College dropout) |
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| Emotionally secure (Medicated) |
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| Employed (Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home) |
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| Enjoys art and opera (Snob) |
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Enjoys nature (Bring your own granola) |
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| Exotic beauty (Would frighten a pit bull) |
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| Feminist (Fat, ball buster) |
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| Financially secure (One paycheck from the street) |
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| Free spirit (Substance user) |
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| Friendship first (Trying to live down reputation as slut) |
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| Fun (Annoying) |
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| Gentle (Comatose) |
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| Good listener (Borderline Autistic) |
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| Humorous (Caustic) |
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| Intuitive (Your opinion doesn't count) |
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| In transition (Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills) |
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| Light drinker (Lush) |
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| Looks younger (If viewed from far away in bad light) |
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| Loves travel (If you're paying) |
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| Loves animals (Cat lady) |
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| Mature (Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed) |
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| New-age (All body hair, all the time) |
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| Non-traditional (Ex-husband buried in the basement) |
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| Old-fashioned (Lights out, missionary position only) |
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| Open-minded (Desperate) |
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| Outgoing (Loud) |
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| Passionate (Loud) |
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| Petite (Wouldn't stand out in a pack of munchkins) |
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| Poet (Depressive Schizophrenic) |
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| Professional (Bitch) |
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| Redhead (Shops in the Clairol aisle) |
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| Reliable (Frumpy) |
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| Reubenesque (Grossly fat) |
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| Romantic (Looks better by candle light) |
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| Self-employed (Jobless) |
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| Smart (Insipid) |
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| Special (Rode the short bus) |
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| Spiritual (Involved with a cult) |
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| Stable (Boring) |
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| Tall, thin (Anorexic) |
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| Tan (Wrinkled) |
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| Voluptuous (Very fat) |
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| Weight proportional to height (Hugely fat) |
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| Wants soulmate (One step away from stalking) |
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Widow (Nagged first husband to death) |
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| Writer (Pompous) |
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| Young at heart (Toothless crone) |
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