On his wife's birthday Ralph was clever, a Tombstone's the gift that will last forever.

This great musician is not just dozing, here he lies now decomposing.

Here lies John's body we lost his head, but he doesn't need it cuz he's dead.

Hinges rusty on your loved ones coffin, tis not a lid you'll open often.

Here lies a man twas known as Ed, so loud alive so quiet dead.

Here lies dear old Ted, slipped and fell and broke his head.

Here lies my sister the talk show host, now that she's dead we love her the most.

Here lies Uncle Bunder, see ya down under.

Here lies great Aunt Bertha , she lied more that she was wertha.

Owen Moore has gone away, Owin' more than he could pay.

Pretty hair and pretty face, isn't it a sorry fate that she won't live to Graduate.

Ruth and Johnny side by side went out for an auto ride, they hit a bump ruth hit a tree and johnny kept going....rutthlessly.

Here should lie the body of Spooky Green. Last seen here on Halloween.

Here lies John Hall who took a dive after dark, lost his spear ...found a shark

Here lies Shop A. lott, her credit card will never rott.

Here lies Winky, went swimming with an Octopus, now he's very Inky.

Here lies Henry Blake, he stepped on the gas instead of the break.

Here lies the Pillsbury Dough Boy, he will rise again.

Here I lie and no wonder I'm dead, for the wheels of a semi went over my head.

Here lies Lester Moore, four slugs from a 44. No Les No More.

Dear departed brother Dave, he chased a Bear into a cave.

Here lies a man named Martin, the lights went out coming aroud the mountain.

Here lies Cy N. Ide, he ate lunch then he died.

Here lies brother Ned, too bad he rolled off the bed, now he's dead.

Here lies good old Fred, a great big rock fell on his head.

So ye folk who read this carving, even if you are cold and starving, don't use crime to get you bye, curious..I'll tell you why? Luck comes in fits and fouts and one day it will run out!

Grievous end await you all, who bang your heads against a wall. Just ask Luther Bone, who lies beneath this dark cold stone!

Beneath this stone lies Gary Bracey, he wound up here for being lazy. So player, don't be a hog, put down your joystick and go for a jog.

Phil Trelford, this is his grave, he cut himself while having a shave. Silly fool didn't know first aid. Now looky here at the price he paid.

In this grave lies young Fred Jones, once had flesh, now just bones.

Under here lies old Rab Walker, who had a name for being a talker. Until one day he swalled a moth and choked and choked and coughed and coughed. He didn't talk well to this change of diet. Now Lady Luck favors the quiet.

This is the grave of Benny Blue, who stole many pots of glue, many close shaves he nearly had, but Benny was a naughty lad, his erroneous way he did not mend and thus came to a sticky end.

I'll tell you a tale of nine lives Ivan, who's burried in this mausoleum, Turnbull was his second name, and a life of crime was his game. Nine times he had close shaves, but the tenth one put him in his grave.

Johnny May got sick one day, the next day he seemed okay. The third day in he looked quite ill, it was this day he wrote his will. And good job too is what I say, for on the next morn he passed away. Where's he now Isee you wonder, he's beneath your feet, six feet under.

John Hackleton, what a cad, some would say he was quite sad. That is why he passed away, or rumor has it anyway.

Below this tomb is the graveyard poet. He couldn't rhyne, but didn't know it. Until the time he fell down a grate, and by that time he couldn't do anything about it.

Three Frogs Bertie's end was grim. For someone threw a tomato at him. Now tomato's didn't hurt when they're in the skin, but this tomato did, cuz it was still in the tin.

HEADSTONES