"What's Inside A Pokémon?" Revamped for Rie-Rie!

Pokémon/Sailor Moon Crossover Fanfic by OTTOMAN!

It was a stormy day in Pallet Town where Ash and his traveling companions

rested from their journeys. The violent downpour outdoors had rendered the

group stuck inside Ash's house -- doomed to find their own ways to occupy

themselves other than watching television for the electricity was cut off.

Since their lives revolved around television just like every other kid out

there, self-amusement was virtually impossible ...

Brock was in the kitchen with Ash's mother, thumbing through a cookbook by

candlelight, planning a unique and rustic meal fit for a tribe of mountain

men. Misty was nearby, happily playing with Togepy and gooing incessantly at

its incredible cuteness (as it secretly plotted world domination). Everything

appeared peaceful until a horrible shriek cut through the peace of the

setting, followed by a loud crash like thunder and another scream of agony.

Misty broke her stare at the wall towards the living room and turned to

Brock. "What the heck," she whispered. "I thought they were getting along..."

"'Parently not." Brock shrugged and returned to his reading.

Curious, Misty stood and approached the door to the living room, where she

peeked in to see Ash recovering from Pikachu's most recent blast of self

defense. "What's going on?" she asked quietly.

Ash muttered something with a flashlight in his mouth, inaudible over

Pikachu's tiny cries for freedom. He was trying to pry open his mouth to peer

inside but Pikachu continued to struggle, threatening another electric shock,

emitting a muffled but clearly infuriated "Pika,

pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."

Misty was baffled, surprised, astonished, and perplexed. She hurried to

Pikachu and grabbed him up, cradling him while sneering at Ash. "What do you

think you're doing? Can't you see Pikachu doesn't understand, you CRAZY

person?????"

Ash simply sneered back, took the flashlight out of his mouth and said,

"What's not to understand? I want to see inside!"

There was a moment of silence while they sneered at each other (emitting

those precious anime thunderbolts...) until Brock cut in with "...But why?"

More silence ensued.

Ash huffed and sat back on the couch, crossing his arms. "Nevermind," he

said. "I'll find out later." The little puke.

"Find what out?" Misty inquired, lightening her sneer, teeny-bopper vibes

kicking in.

Ash paused, realizing there was no way out of sounding like a total fool

(because that’s what he was...). "Well... I was wondering what pokémon were

made of."

A beat passed, then sudden laughter filled the room. Pikachu squealed with

amusement and everyone eventually donned sweatdrops, Ash especially.

"Oh please! Everyone knows that pokémon are built just like every other

living thing! With blood and cells and organs and all that stuff we could

only dream of forgetting about from school dissections." Brock chuckled

nervously at the blank stares around him, cookbook in hand... more silence

ensued.

"What?" Misty raised a brow and gave Brock an utterly stupefied expression.

"I thought they were filled with water. That's what makes them so squishy and

fun to cuddle with!" She beamed and hugged Pikachu till he squealed again (in

obvious misery at his hopeless existence).

"How about rock pokémon? They're not squishy." Ash still had his arms crossed

and a sneer. "That’ll get her," he thought to himself, trying to push away

the sexual tension with childish anger...

"Well, they're made of rocks, I guess..." Misty replied.

"Aren't they filled with air?" Ash's mother popped her head in, beaming as

usual (to hide her total disgust for life itself). "That's how they fit into

those tiny pokéballs, right? They deflate!"

Once more, utter silence ensued as they all turned to stare at Ash's mother.

"Nope. Goo." Misty squeezed Pikachu again (and the poor rodent couldn’t

breathe...).

"No way. Organs." Brock protested. "That's what all the food is for -- to

make their organs work properly."

"Then how do you explain how they fit into the pokéballs?" Ash's mother

beamed (as she thought of how much she wanted to throw that annoying little

pikachu in a pot of boiling water...).

Misty stomped, getting aggravated rather quickly (nothing new, especially

since she was PMS-ing). "It can work with goo!"

"No it can't!" Brock exclaimed, carrying on the argument longer than it had

to go on (the stubborn idiot).

Ash stood. "Okay! That's enough! I don't think anybody here knows what

pokémon are made of!" He said in a desperate attempt to display his pitiful

(lack of) manhood.

They all looked to Pikachu, who shrugged, realized they were all going to try

to look inside again and bolted out of Misty's arms and into the kitchen

where he hid.

Another huff came from Ash. "This is really bothering me. I have to find out

what’s inside pokémon ASAP."

"Ask your pokédex." Misty suggested.

Ash whipped it out (no, not THAT!). "Good idea..." He punched a few buttons

but his pokédex came up with nothing. Dexter: "The answer to this question

has not been discovered because everyone who ever attempted to find the

answer mysteriously disappeared was never found again." Ash wailed. "Nobody

knows!!"

"I'd tell you to call Doctor Oak but I don't want you using the phone during

this storm." Ash's mother explained (though inside she wanted to call up the

prof herself and ream him out for wrecking her life with this silly pokémon

garbage).

"So I guess that means we can't go ask Nurse Joy at the PokéCenter either..."

Brock looked at her and she shook her head. Brock was horribly disappointed

he couldn’t get an eye-full of his love (not that he has EVER successfully

alleviated his hormones...).

Ash sighed and began to sulk like the good Christian boy he was.

Just then, there was a knock on the front door (as if on cue...).

"Oh my!" Ash's mother rushed over to open it. "I wonder who would be out in a

storm like this!" "And what the hell do they want at my house, damnit???"

She thought to herself. She cracked the door open, expecting to see a cold,

wet pokémon hoping to find shelter, but to her relief she saw a thin figure,

wrapped in a dark blue raincoat with a hood covering her eyes (she wasn’t abou

t to take in ANOTHER pokémon! A son was hard enough to deal with). "I

should’ve stopped with the Mr. Mime, that thing is better than a kid. He

does all my housework and only asks for food and sweet lovin’ in return..."

She snapped out of her daydream, cleared her throat, and waited for the

strange person to speak.

The girl at the door smiled widely and spoke gently yet loud enough to be

heard over the rush of rain, "Good evening ma'am! I'm a volunteer at the

PokéCenter and I'm going door-to-door offering help to those who need it in

this horrible storm!" Inside she was crying "HOW DID I GET SUCKERED INTO

THIS JOB??????"

Ash's mother blinked at the pitiful figure that stood out in the rain.

"How are your pokémon? Do you have enough supplies?" The girl showed that she

carried a first aid kit.

"Hmm..." Ash’s mom thought. "I think we might need your help. Step inside,

won't

you?" She beamed again. "You’d better not hurt my freshly vacuumed floor,"

she thought, trying desperately not to squint in disgust.

Careful not to get the carpet wet as she entered the house, the girl shed her

raincoat and left it on a hook in the foyer. She saw Brock, Ash and Misty

standing with confused expressions on their faces and decided to introduce

herself.

"My name is Amy and I'm from the PokéCenter of Pallet Town. This storm is the

worst all year and there are a lot of pokémon without shelter and some people

don’t have enough supplies -- is there anyway I can help you?"

She smiled slightly and blinked her blue eyes once or twice. She looked about

14 years old. Her short, navy hair was wet and hung over her forehead, a drop

of rain slipping off here and there onto her cashmere sweater.

Brock instantly fell in love with her and took a few steps closer. "I never

knew such a gorgeous girl was living here in Pallet Town -- surely I would

have noticed you at the PokéCenter. Where have you been all my life?" His

drool stained the carpet, and Ash’s mother silently had a conniption...

Misty wanted to scream "BROCK, keep your hormones in CHECK!" but this show is

rated TV-7 so she refrained.

Amy raised an eyebrow, slightly flattered at Brock’s overwhelming

compliments. "Well, I don’t live here. I'm visiting to study with Nurse Joy

and learn as much as I can about pokémon." She blinked her big eyes again as

charisma leaked all over the place.

Brock continued to salivate but Ash interrupted. "Do you think you could

answer a question for us?"

She tilted her head a bit, "Sure, but I really must know if your pokémon are

all right--"

"They're fine," Misty snapped. "But would you happen to know what's inside a

pokémon?"

There was silence. (It ensued for the umpteenth time.)

"What's inside a pokémon?" Amy cocked her head, a drop of water running down

the side of her little face.

"Yes, what are they made of?" Ash turned his palms up and shrugged.

"They've been arguing rather loudly about this and frightening the pokémon."

Ash's mother added (angrily inside but sweetly remorseful on the outside).

Amy furrowed her brow and looked to the wall in thought. "Well..." She held

them all in suspense. "I would suppose that they're all made up differently.

Like grass pokémon are made like plants... but that doesn't explain why they

have mouths and stuff. And rock pokémon are made of rocks, but again, it

doesn't quite explain how they survive..."

Everyone raised a brow (which they all shared...).

She shrugged. "I really can’t tell you what's inside a pokémon. Sorry."

Everyone slumped. (The plot was going no where fast.)

Amy was intrigued just as much as they were as to the make-up of pokémon.

"I'll tell you what..."

Everyone looked up at her with hope in their eyes, their classic animé ocular

orbs gleaming with that white light that comes from no where.

"I'll go back to the PokéCenter and find out for you. I'm sure we'd all like

to know the answer to this mystery." She smiled sweetly and Brock melted.

Ash’s mom had another quiet conniption ("ANOTHER mess to clean up! Can’t

Brock control himself????") "But first I have to finish checking up on all

the houses in the neighborhood. I'll be back as soon as I find out, okay?"

Everyone smiled in agreement. (They’re doing everything together these days.)

"Now you're sure all your pokémon are okay?" She turned back towards the

door and reached for her coat.

"Yes, yes. They're all fine -- this storm has kept us away from any battles

and with Brock around we never need supplies." Ash explained (trying to be

smart but failing miserably).

Brock puffed his chest out. (Not that his pecs are THAT bad...)

Amy giggled and covered her little body in the wet coat and left the house,

taking off for the next house.

"Oh..." Brock sniffled. "She was the most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes

on..."

Everyone rolled their eyes (across the floor).

"I can't possibly let her be out there alone!" There was a flash of lightning

and incredible thunder and Brock dashed to the door.

"I don't think so." Ash's mother stood before the doorway, her arms out to

the sides, finally letting a tiny piece of anger slip out. "You aren't going

anywhere while it's storming like this."

"But! But! But--"

She simply glared. "No." She wanted to pound his spiky head into his neck,

but she remembered what her mother told her when she was a tender young girl:

"Honey, always remember to eat your emotions. It’s healthier to suppress

and get an ulcer than express and get a beating."

Brock slumped, giving in.

"Why don't you go make us something to eat, Brock?" Misty suggested. "It'll

help us wait for Amy to return."

He smiled slightly. "Yes, I'll do that! And when I see her again I can offer

her some of the greatest food she's ever had and she'll fall madly in

love..." His voice trailed off as he disappeared into the kitchen.

Once Amy had visited the last house on her route, she hurried back to the

PokéCenter on foot, the rain still beating down hard. She plowed through

puddles twice her size and ran all the way to her destination, completely

unaware that she was being watched.

Team Rocket was lounging in a top floor hotel room of the Pallet Town Inn.

Meowth and testosterone-filled Jesse played cards on the floor, on the brink

of utter boredom while overly-effeminate James sat on the windowsill,

watching the rain fall against the glass.

He sighed and smiled to himself.

Jesse yawned and looked up. "James. Go get us some take out." She demanded.

He frowned and donned his famous screechy-whine. "Aw, please don't make me

go out in the rain. It's so wet. Why not send for room service?"

"Because I want take out! Now go!" she tossed a few coins at him and pointed

to the door. (Jesse wears the pants in this relationship, ne?)

"You'd better go, dude," Meowth said. "She's hungry and she's losing, we know

what that spells..."

James nodded, sniffling, and took one last look out the window, suddenly (and

conventiently) noticing a little blue figure running with a backpack that had

the PokéCenter's logo on it. "Who's that?" he whispered to himself.

"Who's who?" Jesse looked up again.

"Oh, nothing." He figured a defenseless girl in the rain with a backpack full

of pokémon was certainly something to get up for. He grinned, pulled on his

coat and made for the door.

Jesse stood and peered out the window once he left and saw him take off into

the rain, keeping his distance from a cloaked figure. "What is he doing? The

take-out place is in the other direction! Hmph! Come on, Meowth, we're

going to find out where he's off to." She stomped out, not wanting to lose

control of her love-slave for an instant.

Her breath was short and her legs were growing weary, yet Amy continued to

run to get out of the violent rain (attacking her with tiny knives). She made

it to the PokéCenter unharmed and, whence inside, the first thing she did was

ask Nurse Joy if she knew what pokémon were made of. Nurse Joy wasn't sure

so they decided to do a biopsy on one of the sick pokémon. (To make a long

story short ... TOO LATE!)

James spied on them as they talked from a window, utterly drenched, but he

didn't care. He found Amy was quite possibly the most attractive female he'd

ever seen (not that he always wanted to be with a WOMAN ... or a HUMAN for

that matter...). He had no desire to move from that spot or do anything that

took energy -- he was harmless.

"Have you ever done a biopsy before?" Amy asked Nurse Joy as they put the

unsuspecting, ill Vulpix under anesthesia (how sick!).

"No, I haven't. Have you?" (Such a well-trained "nurse.")

Amy nodded and smiled. "I've worked on a few patients with a doctor at the

hospital back home. Humans are easy enough -- I can't wait to see how a

pokémon biopsy turns out!"

They pulled on rubber gloves and as soon as the Vulpix had fallen asleep,

they made the first incision right down the center of its body.

James was enthralled with the operation, eager to see what they came up with

for he had never seen the inside of a pokémon either. His concentration was

broken when he felt something touch his shoulder. He turned to see Jesse,

very wet and very angry.

"Do you call this take out?" She inquired with a snarl, ready to castrate him

...

"Um, no. But look! They're opening a pokémon!" He said, suspecting she

wanted to castrate him...

Jesse and Meowth peeked through the window and were surprised.

"Oh cool!" she cried, forgetting about stealing away James’ manhood. "I never

knew what pokémon were made of!"

"What? Did they open it already?" James pushed to see.

"No, you idiot. Not yet. But you know what?" Jesse put her hands on his

shoulders and said, "while they're so busy chopping up that vulpix, we could

be stealing all

their pokémon!"

James beamed. "You're right! Let's go!"

Amy held a pair of forceps in her hand, ready to peel back the skin on the

Vulpix's chest when her and Nurse Joy both heard something unusual off behind

the door to the operating room.

"There must be someone here, I'll go -- you continue." Joy said with a smile

and left. Amy gathered her concentration back up and began peeling the skin

back. Before she could see anything inside, she was startled by a loud shriek

from Nurse Joy.

Amy gasped and dropped the forceps. She raced to the door where she saw

Chansey wrapped up in an Arbok's coils and Nurse Joy stunned with fear in the

middle of the hall.

"Mercury Star Power... Make Up!" She called and was transformed into Sailor

Mercury, looking uncommonly ravishing (since she was still smitten over that

kid with the thin eyes and the spiky hair...).

"Prepare for trouble..."

"And make that double..."

Mercury bolted out into the hall and before Team Rocket could go any further

with their stupid intro, she delivered an unbelievably awesome flying jump

kick to Jesse's face.

Jesse shrieked and lay huddled on the floor, her face in her hands. James was

breathtaken and stood staring in awe at the insanely cute sailor senshi that

just injured his partner. Jesse suddenly threatened to burst a vein and she

said "How DARE you attack my beautiful face, you could have hurt my

gorgeousness!"

Mercury stood before Nurse Joy, protecting her. "This is a place of aid for

the sick, where the likes of you don't belong. I strongly suggest you get out

before I have to punish you in the name of Mercury!"

Meowth knelt to Jesse to help her up but quickly backed away when he heard

her start to growl.

"My face..." She snarled, lifting her head from the floor. "You will pay!"

"I don't think so!" cried Mercury, snapping into her fighting stance.

"Grrrrrr... Arbok! Attack that little wench!" Jesse called, rising to her

feet. Arbok dropped the Chansey to charge.

Mercury screamed, "Shine Aqua Illusion!" and a whirl of cold, sparkling, deep

blue water spun forth towards Arbok and whipped it back toward Team Rocket,

pushing them all out the main doors, into the rain and they disappeared in

the stormy sky.

"Yat-ta!" Nurse Joy shouted, hugging Chansey.

Sailor Mercury smiled thoughtfully and sighed. She walked toward the main

doors of the PokéCenter and looked outside.

"Look!" she beamed. "The rain is stopping!"

"Oh good," sighed Nurse Joy. "The storm is over."

Sailor Mercury stayed to help Nurse joy clean up the lobby of the PokéCenter,

returning misplaced pokémon to their rightful locations, and when they

finished, four people came in. It was Ash, Misty, Brock and Ash's mother, all

with big smiles. They were surprised to find Sailor Mercury in Pallet Town,

but were more interested in trying to find Amy and the answer to their

pestering question. Mercury explained that it was Amy who summoned her and

she would turn up shortly and left.

Sure enough, when Amy emerged from the back of the PokéCenter (where the back

door was), Nurse Joy and the others were eager to find out what was inside a

pokémon. The sick and twisted biopsy continued.

"Ready?" Amy asked the group, huddled around the operating table, forceps

back in her hands.

Everyone nodded and watched intently.

She peeled open the Vulpix to reveal a ribcage concealing a heart, lungs and

other little pokémon internal organs.

"I was right!" cried Brock. He thrust his fists in the air and stood

triumphantly, his mouth hanging open.

The others were pleased with what they saw and decided that the biopsy should

go no further.

"WAAAAAAAAAAIT a minute," Ash said. "What’s that thing over there?" He

pointed to a shiny little doohickey in the Vulpix’s guts.

"Hey, you’re right!" Ami-chan said. "That is odd." She gently touched it

with the forceps. "It’s ... it’s METAL!"

"METAL?" They all said at once.

Amy’s breath suddenly sped up. "I can’t believe it! We must look further

now, we’ve gotten this far!" She lifted the gear to see it was connected to

other intricate machinery within the tiny pokémon. She pressed on a lever

and fire came out the vulpix’s mouth!

Everyone gasped. "Are pokémon ... machines??????" Brock said, horrified.

"There’s something else!" Amy dug a little deeper in the poor little pokémon

and this strange black stuff started to ooze up. "Oh my God, what is that???

Antimatter?"

Before anyone could show their horrified reactions, a horrific dark light

emitted from the puddle of black ooze and a very ugly cretin with long

fingernails and dirty hair popped up. "Who dare disturb the slumber of a

soldier of the Negaverse???" The Ugly Thing said.

Amy gasped and thought, "CRAP. NOW look what I’ve gone and done!"

"No, stop!" Ash’s mother said. "VULCAAAAN POWEEEEER!" Cool theme music

erupted, and Ash’s mom transformed into a Sailor Scout, wearing a white skirt

and red and silver boots and accessories (trademark). "I am Sailor Vulcan,

ruler of metallic power! And as for you, Negaverse scum, I will punish you!"

She clasped her hands above her head. "Vulcan missiles, blast off!" Some

awesome special effects ... ENSUED, and the Negamonster was killed, along

with the vulpix.

"Mom!" Ash said, startled, as you may have suspected. "You’re a SAILOR

SCOUT??"

"Which means you are, too, Ash," she said sadly. "You can also don the power

of Vulcan."

Amy had quietly transformed in the next room to Sailor Mercury, and she was holding

her happy little incidental electronic device that tells her Negaverse

information. "Uh, you guys," she said nervously, "this detector is starting

to go crazy! The Negaverse is about to attack!"

Sure enough, all the pokémon from the sick ward suddenly split open and their

portals to the Negaverse were utilized to send an army of negasoldiers to

pursue our heroes! Queen Berryl’s voice shattered the scene. "So you’ve

found our ultimate secret, the pokémon robots that were meant to infiltrate

all of this infernal thing called humanity! Negasoldiers, ATTACK!"

Dozens of negasoldiers poured into the hospital ward. "Ash, transform!

Hurry!" Ash’s mom said as she and Sailor Mercury started kickin’ butt.

"Um, OK," Ash said nervously. "Vulcaaan poweeeer!" He suddenly found

himself covered with lightweight metal armor that seemed to deflect the blows

the negasoldiers were doling out on him. "All right!" He yelled merrily,

suddenly becoming bloodthirsty... "Vulcan ammo, load!" His arms became huge

guns and he blew the bad guys to kingdom come. But droves of them started

pouring in off the streets! "Mom, I can’t handle all of them!"

"Leave it to me!" Misty said, finally deciding to transform herself.

"Apolloooooo poweeeeeeeerrr!" She transformed into the beauteous Sailor

Apollo, with a gold and white outfit (kawaiiiiiiiiii!). "Apollo plasma gun,

destroy!" Her plasma beam fried the evil negasoldiers to mushy pancakes

(with quite a breathtaking show of bubbling flesh and steamy organ parts).

As Ash, his mom, Misty, and Amy were busy destroying the negasoldiers, Brock

suddenly bent over with a splitting headache. "Noooooo, it can’t be, not

now!" He shrieked, holding his pounding head.

"What’s wrong, Brock?" Ash shouted above the blood and guts ... ensuing ...

Brock glowed with a serene light and started to float, suddenly donning a

cool white toga. "I’m the Sceptre of Truth ... I bring the end of the

universe," Brock said flatly, "and I think I’m gonna blow ... !"

"Huh?" Ash said, almost forgetting to blow a negasoldier into many chunks.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Brock screamed, and his head suddenly exploded

... releasing anti-matter ...

"What’s going to happen now?" Amy yelled, obviously a wee bit frightened, as

the black stuff started to form tendrils in time and space.

"I don’t --" but Ash couldn’t finish answering, because the dark matter

started to react with everything around it, creating an amazing amount of

energy, slowly eating up more and more matter and power, and eventually

turning into this massive black hole thing that ... to make a long story

short (TOO LATE!) *deep breath* sucked up everything in the universe and,

when it was done, everything was supercompressed inside it ... and it

threatened to explode as it neared critical mass, but suddenly a portal to

the Negaverse opened and sucked all the energy from this infinitesimally

small lump of Stuff and used it to take over life, the universe, and

everything.

FIN!