"Touched By An Evangelion II -- The Angels Strike Back!(or: Guess Who's
Coming To Breakfast?)"

Written (badly) by: Mark Nason

Neon Genesis Evangelion and related characters/concepts copyright Hideaki
Anno/Gainax and TV Tokyo, and is released in the U.S. by ADV. Touched By
An Angel and related characters/concepts copyright CBS and probably some
other folks. Sailor Moon and related characters/concepts copyright Naoko
Takeuchi, Toei, and some other people I'm forgetting. DiC is the Anti-
Christ. I use everything without permission, pretty much. Please don't
sue me, I'm broke.

NOTE: Characters' thoughts are in brackets(i.e. [these] ).

WARNING: Spam-fic ahead. LAP does not necessarily apply. Besides, it's all
in fun, ne?

******************************

Asuka opened her eyes and yawned. She turned to look at the alarm clock on
the night stand. [7 A.M.], she thought. [I can't BELIEVE they'd make us go
to school after that Angel attack yesterday. Too bad it didn't take out
the school...then I could have gotten some extra sleep today.] She sat up
and stretched a bit. "Gaah...", Asuka groaned as she got out of bed and
left her bedroom.

As she entered the kitchen, Asuka heard what sounded like a chainsaw on
speed. Further investigation revealed it to be Misato at the kitchen table,
sleeping off her latest drinking escapade. Shinji was at the counter, making
breakfast for himself and Asuka, since odds were that Misato would have some
of the 'hair of the dog' for breakfast, followed by her usual morning ritual
of loud hooting and hollering.

"Good morning, Asuka", Shinji said as he laid out breakfast in front of
Asuka. "Hrmph", she grunted, as she stared somewhat groggily at the food
before her.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Shinji said. "You finish eating." Asuka
grunted and continued eating. [I hope it's Hikari, and not the rest of the
Three Stooges...], she thought.

Shinji poked his head into the kitchen. "Umm, sorry to disturb you, Asuka,
but there are two REALLY strange women here to see you," he said. Asuka
mumbled, "Oh, joy. Seven-something in the morning, and people are showing
up at our doorstep. Thanks a lot, baka Shinji." Asuka got up and left the
kitchen.

Asuka shuffled to the entryway and opened the front door. Sure enough,
there were two women at the door, one a elderly black woman, the other
younger and white. Both of them looked as if they'd been through the
wringer and then some.

"Excuse me", the younger woman asked in what seemed to be an mild Irish
accent. "Are you Sohryu Asuka Langley?" Asuka looked puzzled for a second,
then said, "Umm... yeah. Can I help you?"

The younger woman looked at the older woman, who nodded back at her.
Reaching behind their backs, both women pulled out wooden mallets from
nowhere yelling "ASUKA NO BAKA!!!", as they brought them down squarely
on Asuka's head. "I think our work here is done, Tess," the younger
woman said to the older one. "You got that right, Monica," the older one
said. "Come on, let's go find a place to grab some breakfast." The two
women walked off.

A few minutes later, the two angels left the apartment building. "You know,
Tess, there *are* advantages to being angels in a universe like this",
Monica said.

"True," replied Tess. "But I wonder when we're going back home? I mean, I'm
glad we managed to somehow survive getting squished by that giant robot
yesterday, but I do NOT want to go through that again..."

"I know how you feel, there's no way in...", Monica stated just before she
heard someone calling hers and Tess' names. The angels turned around to find
Andrew, the angel of Death running up to them.

">pant< I'm >pant< glad I ... caught up to >wheeze< you ...", Andrew gasped
as he tried to catch his breath. After several seconds, he continued,
"There's something I think you should know..."

"What? Spit it out!" Tess asked excitedly. "Yeah, tell us," Monica said.

"Well, 'real' or not, we're still in an anime-based universe, where the laws
of our reality don't necessarily apply. Well..."

"Well? What? What is that supposed to mean?" spat Monica.

"It MEANS that you and that big, fat cow just pissed off the WRONG Eva
pilot, Arschloch!!!" someone screamed from behind them. Both Monica and
Tess turned around slowly to find an extremely angry Asuka Langley-Soryu,
the two lumps on her head from the hammer blows looking like devil's horns.
Her face was turning more and more crimson by the second.

"Uh-oh," both women said as Andrew turned around and began running like
hell. "I'moutahereNiceknowingyoubothSeeyoubackintheafterlifeWellgottarunfar-
awayrealllyreallyfastByenow!", he said as he ran off.

"DIE!!!", Asuka screamed as she jumped towards the two women...

******************************

*** Meanwhile, in another part of Japan ***

"Oh, my! That was the fourth largest burst of profanity I've ever heard...
and the first in German, to boot!", a green-haired young woman exclaimed
in surprise.

"Michiru, you need a new hobby," joked the shorthaired blonde woman.

The resulting tongue war between Haruka and Michiru lasted a good two hours.

******************************


*** Back in Tokyo-3 ***

Asuka dusted off her hands. "There!," she said, "I don't think they'll be
bothering ME anymore... I just hope that baka Shinji hasn't finished off
my breakfast..." Asuka walked off just as Andrew peeked around another
corner. He walked over to the two women (now amazingly tied into pretzel-
like shapes) and knelt down.

"I just KNEW this would happen," stated Andrew. "You two seem to get in
more trouble on this world than any other." The only response that Monica
could muster was something that sounded amazingly like "...GuUuU...i HaD
jElL-o ToDaY..." before she returned to unconsciousness. Andrew shook his
head as he hoisted the two women onto his shoulders. "And that girl is
worse than that robot she rides in, I suppose. I thank God that the other
two aren't this bad", Andrew mused. "Well, I think it's time to take you
ladies home... I'm *really* going to need a vacation after this."

*** Meanwhile... ***

>pop-fiss<

>glub, glub, glub<

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Now THAT'S the way to start the day!"

>>> End. <<<

******************************

          Author's Notes

              - or -

"Why in God did you write ANOTHER one?"

Simple. I felt like it. Pure and simple.

Although, this took quite a bit more effort than my previous 'fic. My
pre-readers gave me a LOT of input on this one, and a couple of them caught
things that I missed in the (supposedly) final draft. And so, I'd like to
give thanks to my pre-readers(in no particular order), even those who
*forgot* to give C&C:

- Disaster
- Axel Terizaki
- Valkyrie-kohai!
- Draggie
- Czarie
- Tench
- Anthy
- Chaos Child
- Karl Merris
- Booey
- Aeka-chan
- Daniel Attema
- Liyang Hu/DenseBoy

The scene involving Haruka & Michiru was inspired by scene from a SM uber-fic
a friend of mine wrote, titled "Sailors No More". If you want to read it,
just go to my page(http://hometown.aol.com/locutusxx/index.html) It should be
in the "Archives" section.(plug, plug)

The title of this fic was partially inspired by old Bullwinkle cartoons...
go figure(although Daniel Attema should get some credit for inadvertently
suggesting it).

Send all C&C and MST's to: [email protected].(MST's prefered, though)
Send all flames to: [email protected].

Thanks for reading! 8D

- Mark Nason.
- March 23, 2000.