The Daily Telegraph, Sydney, 12 June 1998
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HERE
IT�S NOT EASY BEING FRIENDS WITH JERRY ME and Seinfeld could so easily have come to blows yesterday. It would have been all his fault. For a funny guy, he can be so stand-offish, so cold. "Eh, tough guy," he sneered at one point through that familiar poker-face of his. Tough guy? Me? I'll show you tough guy, buster. Like everyone else, I've come to look upon Jerry as a close friend. Hell, I have him and his mates over at my place every night. Anyway, things turned nasty yesterday afternoon just after Jordan and his Bulls took out the Utah Jazz. We were all happily watching the game together down at the North Sydney Leagues Club. I turned around to Seinfeld and politely asked: "What did you think about the game?" (He's big on manners, this Seinfeld fellow.) "It was good," he replied. Feeling we'd struck up a bit of a rapport (he'd given me a handshake and a "How's it going" a little earlier), I went for a follow-up question. "Can I ask. . ." "No," he cut me off with a wave of his hand. It was at this exact moment, just as Seinfeld was heading for the door, that another patron -not me, I swear -shouted out: "Go back to America, you stuck-up wanker." Somehow I feel this is what led to the "tough guy". Seinfeld sat through the whole game virtually expressionless. Most fans who approached the comic for a word or an autograph received that well-oiled wave of the hand and a "Not right now." To their credit, Seinfeld's small and discreet security crew only leapt into action when their man went to the little boy's room to relieve himself of all that sparkling water he'd been guzzling. They were fine until someone followed him in. I, of course, fought curiosity and stayed put. I ran into Seinfeld again a few hours later, just as he was leaving Doyle's Fisherman's Wharf restaurant in Watson's Bay. I thought I'd give him one more chance to hold his place on my best friend list. Me: "Can I just get a couple of quick words Jerry? I'll be very quick. I can talk very quickly." Seinfeld: (Finger up to my face) "Manners, please. We all need to have manners." Me: " Did you call me a tough guy before?" Seinfeld: (Laughs) "I don't think so." (Yeah, well I happen to have this old habit of carrying around a tape-recorder, Mister.) Me: "Well, can I ask you. . ." Seinfeld: "You're being impolite." And with that, Seinfeld was back on his $5 million cruiser, powering off into the distance. I'm sure I'll see him again soon, only smaller and more two-dimensional. Has this been a tale about nothing, you might ask? Well, it sure gave me a better understanding of what Seinfeld's neighbour Newman feels like. It's sure hard being Jerry's friend -much easier to be his nemesis.
