I received a phone call this morning from the specialist who is taking care of my diabetes and thyroid.  He wants me to increase my insulin to 45units every morning now because my A1C was 7 1/2.  Ok, I can handle that, only 5 units more than what I usually take.  No problem.



Then he tells me he has to increase my thyroid medication to 200mg.  3 months ago he bumped it up from 100mg to 150mg, now this.  Lab tests came back and my levels are really high, almost back into the cancerous stage.  He didn't feel my thyroid enlarged or the nodules on Monday.  At that point he said when I come back in 3 months we will do the ultrasound.  Now things have changed.  I'm waiting on a call from his nurse to tell me where to go and when.  She's calling around who will take Medicaid and get me in the fastest.  If the rest of my thyroid is enlarged again and the nodules are back along with any signs of lessions, then I have to go into his office and talk about the next step.  We've already discussed this 3 months ago and I told him if it ever gives me problems again, no biopsy, just go in and remove the rest of it.  Which he said was fine with him and he can do the biopsy after. 



One of the things he is concerned about is what I was actually told back in June 2005 when I had the right lobe and part of the center removed.  I told him I was told the nodules didn't show cancer, but it was the center part of my thyroid that looked suspicious when they went in and that's where the Papilary Cancer was.  Papilary Cancer is the best kind of cancer to get from what I've been told.  It's very slow growing and only a 1% chance of it coming back.  He said that yes the center is where the papilary cancer was, but one of the nodules came back cancerous too, but it was a different kind of cancer, and that's what he's concerned about.



Explains why I've put on 28lbs since September and my hair is falling out.  I'm not talking about a few strands here and there, but clumps of hair.  Everytime I turn around I'm finding hair all over the floor.  Today at the rehab center I looked down and it looked like someone had taken a pair of scissors to my hair and cut it, then placed the strand on the bench sitting next to me.  And my step-mom wonders why I don't cut my hair short.  My hair stylist already told me if I ever cut my hair short I will be able to see where my hair is breaking and I will be really frustrated.  I have a bald spot starting on top of my head.  Where I haven't decided if I want bangs or not and what style I want with my hair, I've been letting it grow out, so my bangs are over grown right now.  I have to pin them back so you can't see the bald spot on top of my head.  Even if I completely straighten my hair out I have to pin my bangs back.



If the cancer is back and I have to have chemo, then I'm just going to have my hair shaved.  I can't handle my hair falling out any more than it already is.  That would tear me up inside.  I've always cherrished my hair and been proud of what I have been blessed with.  I've also received tons of compliments. 



All I can do now is keep the faith that all will turn out right and it's just a scare.  If I stop and think about this too long I will break down and I can't do that.  I need to remain strong for my boys.  I can't let the depression take back over my life and bring me back to the dark side.  I just can't!  Thankfully I go for my counseling appointment next Monday morning, sooner if I need to.