Two years ago today my husband, my boys father, decided he no longer wanted anything to do with our little family.  I will never forget the looks on my precious little boys faces.  We just came back from their first Trick or Treat outing and they was all excited to show their daddy their pumpkins, costume, candy and tell him all about their evening.  He wanted nothing to do with it.  Instead he said it was over and I had 3 days to get out.  He started calling me all kinds of nasty names and becoming verbally abusive in front of the boys.  It didn't help either that I started yelling right back.  Thankfully a friend was there and took the boys to their room and got them ready for bed.



How dare he say he no longer wanted to be married or be part of our little family.  After all the times I stood by his side loving him and praying all would work out.  The times he got arrested for drunk driving.  Losing his job because of drugs and drinking.  The yelling, nasty names, fighting, abusive ways, the cheating, drugs, drinking, his motorcycle accident that almost killed him because of drugs and drinking.  And what do I get?  It's over, I can't stand you, I don't love you any more, you are stupid, you are a bitch, you are fat and worthless, I can't handle your illness' any more.  It's over and you have to leave and you have 3 days to do so.



Have to admit I was pretty torn up when it when down and cried for days because of not knowing what I was going to do.  After talking to my dad the next day and him talking to the jerk into giving me 3 weeks to pack it all up and leave, I felt a little better.  After talking and meeting my two beautiful step-daughters and sitting down and talking with their brothers and mom I knew the boys and I was going to be alright.  The crying stopped and I started packing to move to SC for the boys and I to start a new life together. 



Have to admit for 6 months after I still hoped and prayed he would change his mind and come back to us.  But not any more.  I cringe now when he calls to talk to the boys, which is sad to say has been since last Christmas since the last time he called.  When he sends a pic for the boys so they don't forget him on my cell, I literally throw up because I can't stand the sight of him any more.  I use to think he was this beautiful human being inside and out.  Now that my eyes are open I can see how he truly is.  He's cold, mean and ugly inside and out.  He knows how to bring people down in spirit.  He's a liar and a cheater.  He can't even admit he's living with his girlfriend and her son's from a previous marriage.  In my eyes now he's nothing but this piss ant that needs to be stepped on and put out of all our lives. 



Do I sound upset and bitter?  You damn right I am, but not why you might think.  I am so over this asshole.  I am upset and bitter for what he has done to our boys.  I am upset that I let a worthless piece of trash bring me down so low that I didn't want to live any more.  I am bitter from giving my whole heart into our marriage only to have it crushed into millions of pieces.  My trust in people shattered, my world turned upside down, my walls up.  What pisses me off the most is that I had to leave behind my family and one of my best friends and her family to get far away from this asshole.  The fact knowing I was made a fool out of while he was out cheating on me behind my back and he still can't fess up to it.  And me being the one blamed from our marriage ending. 



Guess what asshole?  I'm not the first person to get sick, have a heart attack, get cancer, deal with depression or have bipolar and I won't be the last either.  You are not so perfect yourself.  I may be fat, but I can diet and lose the weight.  What is your excuse?  People like you make me sick.  Never been fat so you don't know how it is.  Well excuse us for not having the same genes as you where we can eat or drink whatever we want and not gain an ounce.  At least people like me has a heart, are loving and caring.  When we say we love someone we love them unconditionally.  We love the person for who they are and not what we think they should be.



Here is my hatred, bitterness, and what little respect I had for you back.  I am stomping on that little speck of love I had left for you and putting the flame out once and for all.  When I told you when I walked out that door at least I can hold my head up high knowing I gave it my all.  I am a beautiful person inside and out and it's a pitty you couldn't see it. 



I pray to God every day that you don't bring any more children into this world.  This was your second chance to get things right and you blew it.  I pitty any one who lets you into their life.  I use to think Beth as a home wrecker.  Now all I can do is pray for her and her boys that they are safe and you don't crush them like those you have done in your past. 



What I do want to say to you is "THANK YOU".  Thank you for my beautiful boys.  I might have lost my marriage, home, had to leave behind my family and friends, but I have my boys.  They bring me lots of smiles, love, hugs, kisses, joy, laughter and amazement every day, which you are missing out on.  Every day I get to experience these two amazing little boys and watch them grow each day.  They give me reason to want to live and see what tomorrow brings.  I love it when they give me hugs and kisses and tell me I'm the bestest mommy around and I'm their best friend.  I'm constantly reminded how blessed I am to have my boys when they do their special little things.  Even when they are waking me up in the wee hours of the morning, they always make sure they crawl into my bed give me hugs and kisses and tell me they love me before going off to play or falling back to sleep.  One of the greatest gifts in life are children and I have two wonderful little boys who I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.  So thank you for giving me these two precious gifts. 



My hands are washed of you and my mind and heart is over you.  My love for you is dead along with the respect.  This is me turning my back and taking back my life, self respect, self worth and gaining strength every day knowing I don't need you in my life any more to validate who I am.  I am a strong beautiful loving woman and I don't need assholes like you in my life any more.  Oh one more thing, Thank You for freeing me 2 years ago today.  It feels so nice knowing I no longer have to worry what kind of drunken stooper mood you will be coming home in and walking on eggs shells out of fear.  I can laugh again and someday I will love again.  Right now it's my life and my life with my two beautiful precious angels.