Kingdom of Dos-a-lot Part 2
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Kingdom of Dos-a-lot
as told by Sir Optimize and written by Carlos DaSilva
Part the Second
In the cover of night, Sir Optimize rode upon his valiant steed,
Assem-blur. He glancedbehind him to see war-torn village of Dos-a-lot in
flames. Wyndoes EnnTee Sirvir wasravaging the land and t'was nothing he
could do about it. Or was there...
The evil Sategllib may have won the battle, but has he won the war? Not
according tothe twelve coders of the round disk...
As Optimize approached the crossed trees signifying the meeting place, the
meeting wasalready in session.
"I am telling thee, Sirvir has a weakness!" said Coder Wedge.
"Fool, Sirvir is not built as Wyndoes 95 is built. It does not need
Dos-a-lot tosurvive. We are doomed." proclaimed Coder Biggs.
Optimize said, "No, you are the fool. Sirvir does have a weakness."
On a bed nearby, King Gatesway tried to get up and speak, but pain pinned
him down. Ashe stared at the thatched roof, he spoke in slow tones,
"Correct, First Coder, thereis a weakness. Wyrkstayshuns and Sirvirs are
more alike than though all knowest."
"What are you trying to say, my liege?" said Wedge.
"Sir Optimize knows more, but now I must rest for the final confrontation."
"The final confrontation? Optimize, you must tell us now what this is
allabout!" proclaimed Biggs.
"The evil Sirvir can be reduced to a mere Wyrkstayshun with the
merereconfiguration of one of it's Rejystree options..." said Optimize as
he developed asmug smirk.
"Surely you jest, just with my own eyes I can see the difference. Not to
mentionall of it's internal workings!" said Wedge.
"The size is mere padding. It's internal workings are identical to
Wyrkstayshun, Ican assure ye of that."
"This just... shatters my mind, can it possibly be true?" said Biggs.
"Tis true. See for thine self..." said Optimize as he scribbed on
aparchment. The parchment read only the following:
http://software.ora.com/news/ms_internet_andrews.html
"Incredible..." said Wedge.
"Aye." said Biggs.
"We attack at dawn."
o o o
Sategllib's maniacal laughter echoed throughout the forest, as the vicious
Sirvir laideach abode to waste.
As the sun cracked it's first beams of light over the countryside, the vast
wastelandbecame evermore apparent as smolderings embers of wood spotted the
village.
The evil priests of Micro$oft were already proclaiming the greatness of
Dy-rect-ecks tothe defecting clans. Like zombies wandering aimlessly, one
after another agreed to defectfrom Dos-a-lot to Dy-rect-ecks.
Suddenly, a rock pelted Sirvir on it's back. The immediate reaction of
swinging aroundthrew Sategllib down, facefirst into a pile of dung.
"Now you smell just like Dy-rect-ecks." someone quipped.
Sategllib lifted his head and wiped the dung from his eyes. As his sight
focused, hesaw a pair of boots. Looking up ever higher, the crest of
Dos-a-lot reflected the sunlightinto Sategllib's slitted retinas.
"Your billions won't buy you out of this one, Sategllib. FIGHT, YOU
PASTY-FACEDLITTLE NERD!" King Gatesway exclaimed as he dropped a sword onto
Sategllib's back.
"That will be your last mistake..." Sategllib shrieked, finding the
swordrather difficult to lift.
Gatesway lifted the mighty sword of Pentium into the sky, and proceeded to
swing it ina circular fashion, as he waited for Sategllib to finally lift
the sword...
o o o
As Sirvir began to inspect the source of the thrown rock, another one
pelted himbetween the eyes, blinding him temporarily. Just long enough to
be boarded by the braveSir Optimize.
The plan was simple. It was known that by simply changing a Rejystree
option, Sirvircould be easily toggled between it's seemingly invincible
Sirvir mode and the much weakerWyrkstayshun mode. The Rejystree was deep
within Sirvir, and would invalidate the lycensahgreemen.
Optimize took his dagger and ripped a hole into Sirvir's back, just large
enough toslip inside. Wedge jumped down from a nearby tree to keep Sirvir
occupied. Biggs continuedto pelt the ungodly beast with rocks.
As he searched the Ryjystree, Optimize was shocked at the amount of
inefficiencyinherent in the design of Sirvir. But no matter now, the
mission was quite clear. He cameto a regystree option which matched the
description given to him by King Gatesway.
As he attempted to make the change, two spiders came down on silken threads
stoppingSir Optimize.
"The Wyrker threads is what we be."
"That which we protect, ye shan't see."
"Make this change, ye shall not."
"Leave here now, or ye shall rot."
"We know of your illicit intent."
"This Sirvir ye shall not dent."
Unconvinced that this was the proper option, Optimize continued on.
After cutting through layer after layer of inefficent rings of flab, the
target becamevisible. Optimize quickly moved over to it and performed the
necessary task...
o o o
Sategllib finally managed to swing the sword and missed miserably, sticking
the swordpermanently into a rock. As Gatesway went to swing at Sategllib,
he ran away.
Gatesway laughed heartily, but the laugh quickly became sadness as the
stark realityovercame him. The Kingdom of Dos-a-lot had been ravaged. The
war had truly been lost, theywere simply delaying the inevitable by
destroying Sirvir.
"I may not be able to defeat you at swordplay, but can you defeat me at
MonsterChariot Racing?!?! Once you try a state-of-the-art, Dy-rect-ecks
enabled game made byMicro$oft you will be glad I destroyed your puny
village!!!" said Sategllib.
Gatesway sheathed the sword Pentium, and circled Sategllib. Such a puny
mass of flesh,yet the richest noble in the land. Why had he parted from the
Coders of the Round Diskmany years before. He simply could not conform, if
he could not set the form.
"I will accept thine challenge, but be warned. I will never betray the
fantasticDos-a-lot."
Sategllib lost the game to Gatesway.
"BEST TWO OUT OF THREE!!!"
Sategllib lost the second game to Gatesway.
"NOOOOOOOO!"
"Mildly amusing, too bad about the choppyness, and the overall low
quality."quipped Gatesway.
o o o
"I DID IT, HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED?" Optimize yelled up to the surface.
"No! Nothing has happened, I repeat, NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!" cried out
Wedge.
Biggs pelted another rock at Sirvir and climbed a tree. As Sirvir passed
underneath, hedropped down next to Wedge.
"What happened, has it been done?"
"Yes, but nothing has happened."
Inside the monstrosity, Optimize sat down after kicking a rather
unimportant lookingDee-ell-ell, which was merely sucking away at a resource
or whatnot. An apparitionappeared.
"Your mission has begun, yet it has not been completed. Another regystree
optionremains, but it is guarded by two "wyrker threds" which aim to stop
thee. Seekan alternate method and ye shall prevail."
It suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving behind a sword.
Optimize picked upthe sword, noticing that it looked very much like King
Gatesway's sword, the good swordPentium.
Optimize knew exactly what to do. He returned to the two spiders, and
quickly slayedthem with the sword. After making the change, the Sirvir
began to shake.
Wedge and Biggs were thrown off the mighty beast, which was quickly
becoming a veryunmighty beast. As it continued to shrink smaller and
smaller, Wedge and Biggs wondered ifOptimize could escape.
The Sirvir became smaller and smaller, and Optimize was no where to be
seen.
o o o
"That will teach you, you insignificant twerp."
King Gatesway was dead. Thirteen arrows had struck him in the chest.
"Now for your sword... Hmm, where is it? I can't seem to find it. No
matter. It isunimportant now."
o o o
The Sirvir was no bigger than a tree stump now.
Suddenly it exploded spreading gore all around the immediate area. Curled
in a tightball was Sir Optimize!
Biggs and Wedge both exclaimed, after wiping their faces of Sirvir's
remains, "SIROPTIMIZE! DOST ART ALIVE!"
"'Course... Had to optimize my body mass to the smallest possible space.
How'd youthink I got my nickname? By being bloated and inefficient?" he
said with a smile.
"Now that the menance is dead, let's go find King Gatesway, he must've
dispatchedSategllib by now!"
"Let's go!" said both Wedge and Biggs.
"Not so fast."
All three turned around to see Sategllib, wearing Gatesway's armor. It had
a baker'sdozen of holes in it.
"What have you done with our liege."
"Oh him? He's dead." Sategllib said said nonchallantly.
Optimize's anger boiled over, "You miserable wretch!"
He swung the mighty Pentium at Sategllib, cutting his head off, sending it
straightinto the air. It landed with a thud on a nearby flagpole, waving
the emblem of Micro$oft.Where do you want to go today?
o o o
The remaining residents of the Kingdom of Dos-a-lot had attended the
coronation of KingOptimize.
They were now at Lake Intel, the dead body of King Gatesway laid on a raft.
As itfloated to the center of the lake, King Optimize ordered the arrow to
be shot.
A single, flaming arrow arced in the sky, landing directly on the raft,
setting itablaze. A moment of silence. An eternity of hope.
"DOS-A-LOT LIVES ON!" cried King Optimize!