Oh Shit HE's Back!!!!
Couch Critic, revisited
So, by popular demand, or by lack of originality, or because anyone reading this never actually read the original Couch Critic, I’m fucking back.
Since it’s nearly the middle of February, there’s no better time to do a quick recap of 2003, right on time, and right on line:
*Most importantly, Return of the King came out, and I went to see it alone, and, therefore, I did not strangle anyone.
*Other movies came out; they don’t count.
*There was, once again, a Friday the 13th Marathon on Spike TV on Halloween.
*Charles Bronson died, that bastard. I cried, you cried, the world’s people lost a great man.
*Lots of bands that suck put out tunes. Some bands that don’t suck rocked, here’s my top five, I think, until I change it later, as I have already changed it from the list I gave Colin a while ago:
5. Electric Six - Fire / Andrew WK - The Wolf
4. The Black Keys - Thickfreakness
3. Alkaline Trio - Good Mourning
2. Brand New - Deja entendu or whatever
1. Vendetta Red - Between the Never and the Now
*I don’t really remember much else that happened; I mean, stuff did occur, but that doesn’t matter. Wait, I sang a song with the Mooseknuckles, your favorite punk rawk outfit, and I nearly passed out cuz gin is bad. Oh, and I drank whiskey with Pat which broke his whiskey cherry and broke it rough, and I blacked out at 9:30pm. Wait, that happened in 2004. Chalk that up for next year’s list. Booyah.
Hey, in case you were wondering, and I know you were, Slipknot has not broken up; they are currently recording with Ricky Ricardo Rubin or something. I’m not sure who they are going to play for considering they killed their fans with those side band projects, but, I’m sure they’ll come back with some of that hardcore silo iowa death metal dirtball horseshit I call diarrhea and they call music.
Speaking of, Rick Metalhead with Soul Rubin still hasn’t shaved, Vanilla Ice is on some TV show, and I can’t get enough of the No Doubt “It’s My Life” song. Don’t ask why to any of those statements.
I’m in love with the Lost Prophets - Last Train Home song. It’s hot.
Where’s Dirt Brown? Start the shout, start the cheer, start the t-shirt craze. Bring Dirt back to the masses.
Winter 04 Issue