Please don't say this.......

This page is a small collection of things NOT to say to a grieving parent

Here is a list of things that People have said to me since the loss of my Angel Mikhayla in 1997 thru to the loss of My Son Dillan to the present. I am also going to add my personal responses to these "platitudes" ...Just to give those of you not grieving the loss of a child an "understanding" of the damage these comments can do.

#1) "Well at least he didn't live for months or years before he died"
(Does this mean that you love your older children more than your younger children ?)

#2) "You are young you can have more"....
(Ok so .....I could chop off one of your legs and it would be ok becuase you are young and you can grow another one ?)

#3) "Aren't you over this yet ?"
(Well of course I'm not and too bad that it makes you uncomfortable)

#4) "Ya know you aren't going to heal if you keep going to the cemetery"
(That's right I have forgetten that you know how I should go about healing )

#5) "Maybe there was something wrong with the baby"
(Could have been but do you suppose I would have loved him any less)

#6) "It was GOD's will"
(And you would know what GOD's will is ?)

#7) "He's in a better place"
(You can only say that because he was not your son, the only place he should be is here with me.)

#8) "He's not at the Cemetery, why do you keep going?"
(I know he's not at the cemetery but that place is the only physical connection I have left to my child. I am sorry if you can't understand that)

#9) "Will you get over yourself and stop moping all the time, you are depressing me"
(This one I can't even answer, Just walk away from the idiot that says this to you)

A few ways you can Remember and Memorialize your Child(ren)

#1) Light a candle on "special" days such as Birthdays, Angel days, Due dates ect...
#2) Plant a tree or flower in your yard (or home) in honor of your Child.
#3) Donate toys, books or money to your local Hospital in memory of your Child.
#4) Have a "table" or "curio cabinet" where you keep your Childs momentos..
#5) Buy a stuffed animal or doll that reminds you of your child (this is especially helpful for Mothers of Miscarried babies or Mothers that never got to hold or see thier child) to hold when you are feeling lonely.
#6) Buy fresh flowers in Memory of your child and keep them on your kitchen table.
#7) Participate in the Kindness Project (for more information go to http://www.misschildren.org)
#8) Keep your Child's pictures and or belongings out where you can see them for as long as you need to.
#9) Buy a Mother's ring with your Childs Birthstone or a pendant with his/her birthstone.
#10) Buy a balloon for each year your child has been in Heaven and release them to Heaven on special days or just days you are lonely in general. You could even attach a note to your child.

These are only a few ideas..there are many sites and organizations out there that have pages with more Ideas on how to keep your Baby/Child's memory alive.
A few of them are
http://www.misschildren.org
http://www.aplacetoremember.com
http://www.geocities.com/stillgrieve/

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