You may remember me talking about the magic egg from a previous article.....the "What the heck is in there?" one. If not you should read it. Any way the Magic egg is this egg that will eventually hatch into a plant that will have a secret message for you. Sounds pretty cool, right? WRONG. I got one of these as a socking stuffer from the Boy. I was so excited!!! I popped that puppy open and started to read the instructions.
Firtst big let down: The egg does not hatch itself. It is to be submerged in water for a day and then lightly tapped with a spoon!!! WHAT THE HELL!!! I WANT MY BEAN PLANT TO EMERGE!!! I WANT IT TO FIGHT IT'S WAY THROUGH THE HARDSHIP OF ESCAPING IT'S OBIVOUSLY WIRE-AND-PLASTER-SHELL!!!!
Second big let down: This is not a plant that is merely stunted and just needs to wake up to grow....oh no.....you crack the egg and it's just a bean with some typing on it and six holes gently punched into the back. Wow. The Boy payed seven dollars for a bean. Sick sick sick.
Third big letdown: THE MESSAGE. This was the most intriguing part of the magic egg to me....What on earth would a bean plant have to tell me? What secrets do bean plants harbor, just waiting for a child (or a Sama) to take care of them and find out? This is what the bean said unto me: "Let's Party."
WHAT THE FUCK. BEANS DON'T PARTY!!!!!!! I went through all this trouble and heartbreak to be told by my bean plant that we should party? Well, where do you want to party, bean plant? Hmm? Hmm? Ah yes, I forgot. You're a POTTED PLANT. That means you can't move, let alone get high or go dancing. How could you taunt me this way? HOW?????
Fuck you magic egg, fuck you.
