Once upon a time my mother was pregnant. She and my father were absolutely certain that I was going to be a boy...why? I have no idea! No one in my family has male children...it's like a curse. But they were sure. So my Dad insisted that I be named Drake, after his boss who had done so much for us. My mom insisted that it was an ugly name...and was right. I mean, who wants to go through life as a male duck? (Male ducks are called Drakes....much like male deer are called roadkill.) Well he insisted more and she gave in. It was all set. I was to be Drake the king of the ducks. Well, the time came to give birth to me and my mom was in all sorts of agonizing pain. They decided to give in and give her an epideral...but it was really a bit late for that! So the result was her being quite a bit out of it....and it shows in all of the pictures. So she has me and the doctors annouce I am a girl. PANIC MODE! She needs a name. Well it just so happens that there is a T.V. in the delivery room (to keep the mothers to be calm), which is currently airing "Who's the Boss" (this is the 80's , mind you). Well, my mom saw Alyssa Milano prance onto the screen, looking way more appealing to her (she was drugged) than she should have....she instantly decided I would be called "Samantha," after Miss 1-800-Collect. However, she was so in love with me (ha ha) she decided that she wanted my name to be unique. So she added an "i" in there, not realizing that it changed the pronounciation (As I said....the doctors drugged her)! They wrote it down and thrust me into her arms. She exclaimed (or rather, slurred) that they needed to take me back as she was going to drop me. The idiot nurses told her that she needed to bond with the baby, so my mom, who was not seeing very clearly by then, just sort of prayed that she wouldn't drop me.....she didn't. On another note...My collar bone was broken by the doctor that delivered me....he was clumsy with those foreceps. He decided not to tell my mom about this until months afterward as he was afraid she wouldn't pick me up if she knew....more bonding issues. Then when I went in for my one week checkup, he ripped off my nubby thing (umbilical stub in my belly button).....It's supposed to fall off on it's own in three weeks....but that wasn't soon enough for the best doctor in the world. My mom said he just went "Oh, don't need this!" and ripped it off.
Well, my mom realized her mistake and decided she would just pretend that "i" never happened. I found out about the whole mess in fifth grade. Since I had been living a lie all those years, I quickly started using my real name. I mean it's on my Social Security card...I couldn't keep up the carade my entire life. Well, that is how I got my name. I hope you enjoyed this little story about me.
By the way....I love you Mom.
