I had been married for five years and intently searching since graduating high school to find the real me. There was a void that nothing could fill. I tried religion, focusing on different hobbies, or venues of my career, nothing helped. It was like putting a bandage on a broken leg, it could never mend. This all changed when I was honest with myself and finally accepted who I was.
I spent most of my life trying to prove my peers wrong. I was not gay. I was not one of those perverts. I was taunted relentlessly through junior high and especially high school. I certainly wasn�t one of the macho guys. I played in the band, got good grades, and participated in plays and other art projects. Though I�m not extremely effeminate, I do have my qualities.
The first person I came out to was my cousin. Of anyone, I knew that he would be the last to judge me. It turns out, that he was going through his sexual identity crisis at the same time. Neither of us would have gotten through this without each other. We still lean on each other today, infact he is a member of this group. Hi Maxxzan! I told my wife next. Of course she was upset, yet she was very supportive. She knew that I was gay, long before I was able to admit it.
Telling my parents was probably the biggest hurdle in all of this. Not only did I have to break it to them that their son was gay, but also that I was getting a divorce. They took it very well, considering. My dad said to me, �live your life for you, not anyone else�. Slowly everyone started to find out. Not many people cared, no one really treated me different. I consider myself so lucky, and so happy to be free.
As part of coming to terms with who I am, I was able to rid myself of anxiety. I took a leap and moved to Chicago to study interior design. Now that I�m in school I love it! I also got a great job at an interior design firm, I�m learning so much from that! I honestly haven�t been happier. I�m doing what I want to do, and living the life that I want.
I�ve met so many wonderful people along the way. Thank you all so much for all you�ve helped me through. Again, thank you to Tony for helping me start Out. We�ve been through so much together, and haven�t even met�.well, yet. To all who read this, be honest with yourself, you�ll be happier if you do! Take care!
-Rick
[email protected] |
